"Why Does She Keep Failing To Protect?"

Domestic abuse is a serious issue that blights the lives of many women and children all over the country.

Indeed all over the globe.

But I suspect many people - many of whom include professionals, are at a loss to understand, the factors behind why women do not simply leave intimate male abusive partners, and in the process safeguard their child/ren from further harm and abuse?

This is, after all, the conventional wisdom held by many professionals charged with safeguarding the wellbeing of children, who 'pretty much' expect mothers to leave their partner, believing that in so doing, that will ensure theirs and their child's safety.

However, this view does not seem to be borne out by the experiences of survivors of abuse, since there is a considerable amount of information which suggests that following leaving an abusive relationship that rather than the danger subsiding, that in fact it escalates, and the escalation may continue for 18 months to two years.

It is considered that the period after leaving a relationship, is a most dangerous time because doing so, threatens the perpetrator's sense of power and control, thus causing them to retaliate perniciously.

When mother's fail to behave in the way expected of them by child protection professionals, they are frequently considered to have acted in a manner inconsistent with protecting their children, and although there are a multitude of reasons why women do not automatically leave the relationship, these factors tend to be given little attention, and there is a lack of acknowledgement concerning the ways in which survivors have acted to safeguard their children and themselves.

She is frequently expected to have either called the police at the first sign of any hint of violence, ensured her children were neither present or in earshot of any such incidents, and followed the expectation of professionals by taking action to leave the perpetrator as soon as possible.

But these expectations deny the complex situations many survivor mothers find themselves in.

The risk of harm threatened by the perpetrator may not be physical at all, but could involve threats to the child, child's health or survivor's family members. They may know from previous experience, that matters such as their accommodation, finance, job, immigration status, liberty, wellbeing, religious and cultural social standing may be put at serious risk, if they fail to comply with the perpetrator.

Mother's then can find themselves in circumstances in which if they may be caught between a 'rock and a hard place' - in that if they comply with the perpetrator, they may risk being labelled as failing to protect their child. If they comply with Children Services or professionals, they run the risk of exposing themselves, or loved ones to whatever danger is posed by the perpetrator currently, and for a lengthy time period.

Coercive Control is defined by Women's Aid as an act or pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation, or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim. Coercive and controlling behaviour is described as being at the heart of domestic abuse.

Evan Stark defines it as a pattern of behaviour which seeks to take away the victim's liberty or freedom, to strip away their sense of self. It is not just women's bodily integrity which is violated but also their human rights.

It does seem as though attempting to safeguard children, by forcing surviving mother's to take the actions expected by Child Protection workers, (in the absence of understanding fully their circumstances, and their actions to protect) is counterproductive. Since it leaves survivors even more isolated, unsupported and stressed, and that cannot be in the child's best interests.

We do need to look at what is expected of both mother's and father's in terms of acceptable parenting; much more focus and work needs to be commenced and followed through with fathers, holding them accountable for domestic abuse, as opposed to routinely assigning responsibility to mother's.