Why does one wish to be Happy?

Almost everybody, young or old, healthy or unhealthy, poor or rich, wise or stupid, educated or illiterate, want to be happy. If anybody says he wants to be unhappy then he would be considered a lunatic. Even if one doesn’t say that he wants to be happy he may never say he wants to be unhappy. Then do we really know what happiness is? The word “happiness” is so ingrained in our consciousness that it almost sounds like God because, all religious people have a belief or an idea about God but probably nobody knows what or who God is. But still we do so many things in the name of God, both good and bad. In the same way we do so many things in order to be happy, both good and bad. Questions like who is God, where is God, etc., equally apply to the term happiness. If one wants to make an attempt to describe God or happiness he/she will be quite capable to do so but, it is all one’s idea and cannot be a fact. Because we are dealing with ideas always and not with facts we have remained with dilemmas, conflicts and so on leading to unhappiness. This sense of unhappiness breeds a longing for happiness and hence it is a vicious cycle, one chasing the other. So, one must try to enquire deeply to understand what happiness is and why at all one should look for it.

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There are two ways to look at happiness. One, the positive way where we may try to gather all good things to happen and then consider the presence of them as a source of happiness. Two, the negative way where we may think of all bad things to happen, which may bring unhappiness and then consider the absence of such things as happiness. But still we have not been able to define or describe what is happiness and hence we are going round about to pick up different objects in order to do so, which means we are doing just an objective analysis or inquiry. So, some external objects seem to become the source of our happiness or unhappiness. Obviously our sensory organs play a vital role in gathering necessary information from the objects and then the mind or our intellect may try to conceive and perceive appropriately. But, is there a way to declare either of the two as the correct approach to understand what happiness is? Or, is this objective analysis itself at fault in understanding happiness?

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Let us look at each of the two approaches separately and see how we may react to our own experiences. One may think that if he possesses a car of his own then he will be very happy. Here the car is just an example of an object as a source of happiness for some people. For some other people the source of happiness may be something else like having some other gadget or becoming an eminent person in society or achieving a significant milestone in life, or becoming a wealthy person, etc. So, when one wants to possess a car he will first try to find sufficient money to buy it. In case he is able to gather the amount he will be happy at first instance. Now, he decides to buy a car and depending upon his budget he may try to reach a level of satisfaction and buy a car of his choice. Now at this point he is very happy. Then after spending time with his car he may start looking for a safe parking place for it in case it is not there. If the parking space is not available then he may become unhappy. He would have become unhappy even when he had failed to gather sufficient money to buy a car in the beginning. Let us say he succeeds in finding a safe parking space and he may continue to be happy like that. He would have got this happiness in possessing a car against a compromise with regard to his available budget. Which means there would have been an element of unhappiness as he was forced to suppress his desire to have a big budget car. So, he may start looking for a better car next time once his attachment to his current car diminishes. If at all he is able to arrange for the bigger budget he may become happy once again in buying a new car of his choice and if not he may become unhappy despite having a car already. Also, in case he is unable to arrange for the bigger budget in spite of selling his old car he may become unhappy again. Then after some years he may think of going for a luxurious car or for having multiple cars and so on in order to stay happy. Whatever is his endeavours he will be happy only if he is able to get what he wants and he will be unhappy otherwise. Or he may start worrying about the maintenance expenses for the car as the time passes in case it becomes unbearable to him. If at all he experiences such a worry then he will end up in a dilemma like trying to be happy with the car and worrying about meeting the expenses for its maintenance due to financial troubles.

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If one can observe carefully how his experience with his car and his desire to possess one is progressing one can easily understand that his happiness is only momentary and is conditional because, even if he is able to succeed in one thing he may worry about some other thing and hence bring unhappiness for himself. The reason for this dilemma or unsteadiness is due to his desire to continue being happy without facing any hurdles or challenges in life. This continuity to be happy is nothing but pleasure, which is dependent upon fulfilling something and in the absence of fulfillment there will be pain and hence unhappiness certainly. In other words the pleasure always carries pain in a hidden state and both may resemble two sides of a coin. Happiness is momentary and one must simply stay with it instead of trying to prolong or make it a continuity. What does it mean then? Are we really looking for happiness or pleasure? It is obviously pleasure and hence there will be pain also. When we try to find happiness with any object it may turn out to be pleasure and may carry pain along with it. In other words, all sensational things perpetuate pleasure after a momentary happiness and such pleasure is dependent upon fulfillment of the desire. The most unfortunate thing is that we normally mistake pleasure for happiness. Pleasure has its opposite in pain whereas happiness doesn’t have an opposite and hence it may come unconditionally.

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Coming to the second approach which is to find out what may not be considered as happiness we can list a number of things called feelings, emotions, etc., which may be classified as psychological pain, along with physical pain. One cannot be happy while suffering from physical injuries or illness or any disabilities. Similarly, when one is having anger, jealousy, disappointment, loneliness, anxiety, fear and so on, then also one cannot be happy. So, by eliminating or becoming totally free from these physical and psychological pain or sorrow one can try to be happy because, once there is freedom from suffering one will be naturally happy. But the important question here is how one can be free from suffering. One may try to take some actions such as taking medicines for illness and physical injuries. But for psychological pain is there any remedy? Unless the root cause of such sufferings is identified and addressed, simply trying to solve superficial problems may not help in eliminating psychological pain completely. Any act towards addressing such sufferings is considered as avoiding or suppressing the pain, which is nothing but an act of escape. But, escaping, if at all possible, may be a temporary measure only. Here again the desire to overcome the suffering within a certain time frame must be fulfilled in order to bring back happiness and if not fulfilled there will be unhappiness as fear and frustration keep mounting. On the other hand one cannot be advised to continue to suffer without doing anything.

As one can see both approaches the return of unhappiness may happen in both the cases and the main reason for it is the failure to fulfill one’s desire, either to possess a pleasurable thing or to avoid or escape from a painful thing. So, fulfillment appears to be the source of either happiness or unhappiness. Then how can one be happy for sure? As long as there is a desire to fulfill something this dilemma or conflict remains. Why do we want to fulfill something? Is it really wrong to have such a desire? Unless we harbor such desires how can we succeed in progressing in our professional, financial, social structures? It is all fine and acceptable in such cases and one will be admired if he/she nourishes such desires and succeeds in fulfilling them. But one must ask oneself why at all one must have such desires psychologically to achieve something that may not be clear or a fact? For example, one may continue to have a desire to possess a car while being utterly incapable financially or otherwise to do so. How good is it to harbor such desires without understanding one’s own capability? Similarly, one may have a fear of something bad going to happen in the near future without actually knowing head and tail about the object of fear. So, doesn’t it appear that the very desire for anything that is not a fact or actuality but is just a mental projection could be the reason for unhappiness? Liking something and feeling pleased with it is different from having a desire. But, after liking the desire to possess it and continue with the pleasure obtained from it may be the real culprit for unhappiness. The presence of desire for a long time or the continuity in pleasurable things may be because of our identification with the object as the first thing and then the attachment developed with it after its possession.

So, if we can avoid identifying ourselves with anything and attachment to anything then we can probably be happy. In such a case, there will be no desire to be happy. The desire to be happy arises only when one is unhappy. So, in order to be happy, which is one’s natural state one must be totally free from identification and attachments. This, in no way, is advice for anybody to renounce the world and go to a secluded place and live alone. That may be a rather easy task. But, living in the midst of all worldly matters with no identification with or attachment to anything is a real challenge and hence it requires one to have a true passion, love to lead such a living.