Why does the love holiday immediately follow Tishabav??

B’’H

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I would like to share with you some shocking statistics regarding divorce rates in the USA. Every thirteen seconds in the USA there is another divorce. First marriages have approximately a fifty percent chance of ending in divorce.

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Sixty percent of second marriages end in divorce and seventy-three percent of all third marriages end in divorce. The USA is listed third in the world in the highest divorce rates slightly behind Belarus and Russia.

According to studies taken sixty-four percent of the couples that are married claim to be more or less happy with their marriage.

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I remembered hearing some invaluable advice from a wonderful and inspiring speaker and an old neighbor of mine, Rabbi Dr. Akiva Tatz, during one of his Friday night classes.

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The story goes as follows: Imagine you are a newly married man who is trying to successfully climb up the ladder in your firm. He mentions to his wife that tomorrow at noon he is making a very important presentation to management. He rehearses his presentation in front of her and she reassures him that it sounds highly professional and that he has nothing to worry about. She knows he will do well.

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The next day right around noon, just as the husband was preparing to make his major presentation in front of many people from different departments within his company, his cell phone rings. He glances at the screen and the caller ID shows it’s his wife calling. Conventional wisdom would say that you either ignore the call or take the call and whisper a quickie reminder to your wife in an annoying tone that you are about to make the presentation and you will call her back as soon as it’s over.

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Rabbi Tatz points out that according to Torah law, you must tell the crowd full of executives, “I am so sorry and I apologize profusely, but I must take this very important call!” Then go ahead and answer the phone in a quiet place and give your full attention to your wife until she is completely tended to.

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He brilliantly explains that don’t for a second think that she forgot what time your presentation was and what time she was calling you. She knows full well the importance of this meeting and whatever she is calling you about can easily wait until later. She is calling to remind you that she must be the most important person in your life. The reason why she is the most important person is that according to the Torah as soon as two Jews are married, they are reuniting two souls that were once separated before birth.

A man must never take his wife for granted or treat her disrespectfully in any way.

However, a woman also must always remember that she must never criticize her husband in front of people and if she does criticize, it must always come at a later time when the situation has calmed down. A man’s ego is extremely fragile and there is nothing more valuable that she can give him, than respect.

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This Shabbos is the holiday of ?? ??? Tu B’Av where, according to the Gemara, the women would dress up in beautiful white dresses and dance in front of potential grooms. It is of significant importance that it falls out immediately after the fast of Tisha B’Av.

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Chasidus explains that the reason the temple was destroyed, was over petty hate between Jews. The practical way of rectifying that is by exercising the power of unconditional love towards another Jew. Before one travels outside to improve his relationships, he must first solidify his most important relationships at home.

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In addition, we know that in this week`s Parsha Va'etchanan, Moshe prayed 515 prayers requesting from Hashem the right to enter into the land of Israel. He connected so deeply with it, that Hashem allowed him to view the land. Thus, empowering it with everlasting positive effects.

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We know that the true form of prayer is speaking with Hashem with a full and open heart sharing with Hashem all of the trials and tribulations you are going through while seeking His guidance and His strength.

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Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski ZT’L recounted that he was once at the Wailing Wall when he overheard the most Authentic prayer.

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He related that a person who was standing next to him in a crowded area was pouring out his heart to Hashem. He said that it went on for quite a while and then he heard, “Oops! I am so sorry. I already told you about this issue yesterday. Please accept my apologies!”

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This is how one connects to his inner core and lives his life with meaningful relationships and a generosity of spirit. A healthy relationship with his Creator, a healthy relationship with his other half, and healthy relationships with all of his fellow Jews.

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Have a wonderful Shabbos!

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Yitzchok Friedman?