Why do you want what you want? An exploration of Mimetic Desire

Co-written by Ashton Nichols & Matthew Bobe

Why do you want what you want?

It’s not as simple as you think. We typically tend to take our wants, desires, and perceived needs at face value. They make sense internally, so rigid analysis of these internal pulls are often rare.

People often assume that there is a linear path between themselves and the objects of their desire.

In reality, as with most conditions of the human psyche, this relationship is far deeper and more complex than we think.

The objects of our desires aren’t simply our own ideas plucked from the ether. These desires are shaped and molded by the mental models we base them on, which are products of our environment, experiences, and other people.

This is called mimetic desire, a term first popularized by Rene Girard, a French professor and historian at Stanford University.

Mimetic desire is the concept that we desire something because someone else desires that thing. The desire of one mimics the desire of others.

How can this be? First we need to clarify what truly is a desire.

You see, desires aren’t instincts. Instincts are involuntary biological mechanisms to help us survive. We don’t need a mental model for needing to breathe or drink water.

Desires on the other hand, are objects we pursue because we’re motivated to for a voluntary reason, such as buying a new car, getting a certain haircut, or learning an instrument.

Desires come from models (typically people) in our external world that show us what is worth having, usually from a person you know, admire, or a fictional person we want to emulate.?

Humans are unique in that compared to all other animals, only we can create abstractions and want obscure & trivial things.

And, there is no end to desire as long as there are mental models.

We may think that our hopes, dreams, and goals are unique to us (bias blindness) yet the subconscious motivations behind the objects of our desire are the same in all of us.

This is because we don’t necessarily care about the things themselves, but rather the people (models) that represent the quality of being that we lack.

In many cases, we develop metaphysical desires, a desire of someone else’s desire, and don’t realize it.

These metaphysical desires influence us in much of our everyday actions, especially in the age of social media, where we regularly see and are constantly reminded of our models.

Here is where things get a little dicey– there are typically two kinds of mimetic models coined by Luke Burgis.

The first kind of model lives in Celebristan, a model that stands at a great distance socially and existentially from a person.?

These are typically celebrities, influencers, leaders, actors, or anybody that has a barrier between themselves and the people who see them as a model such as status, wealth, money, time, space, or death.

Celebristan models mediate desire externally from the world of the subject.

Think Elon Musk with the goal of going to Mars. Although an amazing desire, most people simply don’t have the resources to also invest in finding a way to our red neighbor.?

Yet, Musk has an incredible amount of supporters who are fanatical about going to Mars, and want just as much as he does to make the journey happen.

The next model mediates desire from the internal world of the subject.

Freshmanistan models are models much more alike to a person than different. They are experienced in someone’s everyday life and the objects of desire are easily achievable.

A classic example of this is nerds trying to be like the popular kids or jocks. Although to them they seem worlds apart, they are far more alike than they are to a 50-year-old billionaire.

These models are more potent to influencing us, especially because social proof comes into play and we all have the desire to fit in.

Everyone is drastically trying to differentiate themselves, while at the same time subconsciously trying to model themselves after those of interest in their immediate vicinity.

This is the basis for much of Consumer behavior (social proof, keeping up with the Joneses, etc.). We likely learned this behavior through evolutionary mechanisms dating back to when we were early hominids traveling in herds, hunting and gathering. Extreme differentiation from the group usually meant being cast out of the tribe, and likely death.

So we learned to want what others want, desire what others desire. But mimesis is not a plight if used correctly. You have to first be aware that we are all afflicted by this psychological phenomenon, and then you must put your desires and wants through rigid & thorough analysis.

Make sure your desires are yours. If they have been influenced - do they have the proper merit and were they shaped by the right models??

Once you answer these questions, one can move freely through the world knowing that everything they want & wish to pursue has true utility to them along their journey through life.?

In the words of the great Earl Nightingale:

“Most of us make the mistake of not asking: Why? Why do I live here, in this house? Rather than in some other house? Why this life? Instead of another life? Why this work? Instead of? some other work? Why these rewards? Instead of others?

“Now this doesn’t mean we’ll change anything necessarily, but at least we’ll be living lives that have been examined and found to be to our personal liking. We’ll know that we’re not living the lives that we’re living simply because they reflect and are pretty much composite copies of the lives we see about us.”

Why do you want what you want? Be sure to desire intelligently & desire well.