Why Do Women Overachieve?

This is a typical day for Ruth:?

6.00 am – Early Start Ruth wakes up before her kids to prepare for the day. By 6.30 am, she is wrangling her 8- and 5-year-olds to get ready, making breakfast, and packing their lunches.

7.30 am – Drop Off and Commute After dropping the kids at school, she navigates traffic on her way to work, calming herself after a near-miss.

8.15 am – Work As the Director of Operations at a startup, Ruth’s day is packed with meetings, interviews, and a presentation to the CEO. She eats lunch at her desk while coordinating her kids' after-school plans and dinner with her husband. She joins her colleagues for a quick drink before heading home.

6.30 pm – Commute Home On the way home, she evaluates interview candidates and hops on a call to update the COO.

7.00 pm – Home Ruth arrives home to a chaotic evening with updates about school, the kids’ dinner time and bedtime.

8.30 pm – Wind Down Dinner arrives late, and she catches up with her husband before researching flights for their Christmas vacation, despite her exhaustion.

10.30 pm – Preparation for the Next Day

Ruth checks the kids have their uniforms and lunches, takes a hot shower and crawls into bed. She struggles to fall asleep knowing that the next day will bring the same relentless pursuit of success, fuelled by her ambition to make her mark.

Do you also feel the same pressure to juggle a successful career, family life and societal expectations? In your pursuit to be the perfect career woman, partner, mother, daughter and friend, is your motivation to overachieve rooted in personal fulfilment, or shaped by external demands and unrealistic standards?

True, sustainable success comes when ambition aligns with your authentic self and personal brand, rather than succumbing to the demands of the different people vying for your attention. By understanding and defining your own goals, you can strive for excellence in a way that supports your well-being and long-term happiness.

What Overachievement Looks Like for Women

In the workplace, women who want to make their mark often exceed expectations and engage in involuntary manoeuvring in order to navigate gender biases and inequalities. They may take on extra responsibilities and work long hours to prove their value, be considered for a promotion and justify their right to equal pay.

In their romantic relationships, their partners are often supportive as long as their careers do not get in the way of their partners’ needs and wants. Women often carry the weight of traditional expectations, such as prioritising their domestic responsibilities and being the emotional cornerstone of their relationships.

Motherhood is seen as a central part of a woman’s identity. Women are free to pursue their careers as long as they carry the mental load of managing the household, caring for the children and maintaining family harmony. Their parental responsibilities include, but are not limited to, coordinating activities, helping with homework, staying up with the kids when they are sick and being the main point of contact with teachers.

In terms of familial responsibilities, women frequently take on caregiving roles for both immediate and extended family members. They might feel obligated to provide financially, manage household affairs and support relatives. They may have aging parents who need help with their daily needs like grocery shopping or meal preparation, and to be accompanied to medical appointments.

With friendships, overachievement may manifest in maintaining close-knit, meaningful connections despite the demands of career, family, and personal life. Women tend to walk a tightrope of needing support and being supportive. They hold back from one another because they do not want to burden their friends. They often push themselves to be the dependable friend, organising gatherings, offering emotional support and staying involved in their social circles.

If all that is not enough, women need to look good while doing all the above. They maintain physical beauty and modesty, conforming to societal standards of femininity. This includes looking attractive and younger than their age, and minimal weight gain.

Cost of Overachievement

The constant pressure to excel in multiple roles will likely lead to mental, physical, emotional and spiritual exhaustion. Many high achievers juggle their roles and responsibilities with little or no support. Women experience frequent feelings of inadequacy, guilt and anxiety as they struggle to meet unrealistic expectations. Over time, this can result in fatigue, weight changes, and other stress-related health issues.

Many women grapple with balancing career demands and family responsibilities often leaving little time for self-care, personal interests or relaxation. This imbalance can strain relationships as overwhelming commitments lead to resentment, neglecting close connections and personal fulfilment.

Women often lose sight of who they are because they prioritise others' needs over their own, delaying personal goals and self-development. Societal pressure to meet unrealistic beauty standards adds to emotional stress, eroding self-worth over time as they equate their value with meeting these impossible expectations. A woman’s identity is frequently defined by being a good wife, mother, daughter or friend.

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Motivations for Overachievement

Overachievement in itself is not wrong. However, it is sometimes seen in a negative light, as it is accompanied with undesirable behaviour like succeeding at all costs, neglecting balance or personal well-being. However, overachievement can be a positive force when it is driven by passion, dedication and a desire to excel. Pushing to surpass expectations fosters growth, innovation and progress. It can open doors to new opportunities and set higher standards for both personal and professional development. Rather than being a flaw, overachievement, when approached with a healthy mindset, can be a key to unlocking your full potential.

For many women, overachievement is sometimes fuelled by external pressures, rather than intrinsic motivation. Let us look at Ruth again as an example. She loves her job and is doing well. However, in order for her to have the space to grow her career, she feels obligated to? give her husband and children more attention that she would care or has the energy to. It seems society allows women to pursue their careers only if they are good wives and mothers first. In such cases, overachievement is driven by fear of judgement, imposter syndrome or a need for external validation, which can lead to burnout, stress and self-doubt. This relentless pursuit can come at the expense of their overall health and well-being, leaving women feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled, despite their accomplishments.

True success comes from pursuing goals that are aligned with your values, passions and sense of purpose. When you focus on authentic success, you are driven by personal fulfilment, curiosity and the desire to make meaningful contributions. This type of overachievement is grounded in authentic self-awareness, inner confidence and the empowerment to advocate for yourself. Genuine success encourages balance, resilience and sustainable growth, allowing you to achieve without sacrificing who you are and your well-being.

Shifting from Overachievement to Authentic Success

Shifting from overachievement to authentic success is especially vital for women, who often face the pressure to "do it all" and exceed high expectations across the various aspects of their lives.

The first step is intentional self-reflection to understand whether your drive stems from personal fulfilment or societal expectations. You should then reevaluate your goals to ensure they align with your core values and passions, rather than seeking approval and validation from others. When your goals are personally meaningful, success becomes more fulfilling and sustainable.

It is also important to refine your personal brand, focusing on your authentic strengths and passions. Embrace your uniqueness and communicate this shift to those around you – supervisors, colleagues, partners, children, family and friends. Sharing your journey and new priorities will help others manage expectations, foster understanding and support you appropriately.

In addition, setting boundaries is crucial. By learning to say no and prioritising self-care, you not only protect your well-being but also set an example for those close to you. Clear communication ensures that your circle supports your pursuit of authentic success, making it easier to balance personal fulfilment with external responsibilities.

To sum up, overachievement does not have to be a burden – it can be a powerful force when aligned with your passions and legitimate self. You have the strength, resilience and capability to excel, but real success comes from balancing ambition with well-being. By reflecting on what really matters to you and setting boundaries that protect your overall well-being, you can pursue your goals with joy and purpose.

So, take a moment to pause and assess where your motivations lie. Are you trying to make everyone around you happy or are you chasing your own dreams? Embrace the power of saying "no" when necessary, prioritise self-care, and remember that your worth is not defined by how much you do for others but by who you are. Let your ambition be fuelled by passion, not pressure. Today is the day to realign your path – start pursuing success on your terms, with authenticity, confidence and empowerment!

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