Why do we really need Trust in a team & what are the enabling factors?

Some love is just a lie of the heart

The cold remains of what began with a passionate start

And they may not want it to end

But it will it's just a question of when

I've lived long enough to have learned

The closer you get to the fire, the more you get burned

But that won't happen to us

'Cause it's always been a matter of trust (Billy Joel, 1986, The Bridge)

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Trust me. Trust me I can do this. I trust you. We need to build trust in our team. Trust me, this video is going to make you think differently about ‘trust’. Really I mean it, trust me! Then you ask me, ‘Why should I trust you?’. Now this is where it starts to get interesting. How?

So if you ask your team tomorrow morning at work, ‘guys, why do we need to build and maintain trust in our team?’. The response may be along the lines of, ‘O we need to trust the team members to achieve our team objectives, or business objectives etc.’. Think about a football team. If you ask a football player, why do they need to trust their team-mates? The answer could be, ‘We want to win the game, we want to defeat the opponents, we want to win the world cup’ so on and so forth.

Now next time, if you ask anybody at work or otherwise, why do you need to trust them? See what they say. Chances are very high, that whatever they might say, just like the examples I’ve used about a football team and or the team objectives – all are very likely to be ‘true’, but they are not the ‘truth’.

Now that puzzles you doesn’t it? Why am I playing with the words ‘true’ and ‘truth’? Its because the truth can be comprised of a series of ‘true’ information or fact, but just one piece of information which is ‘true’ cannot represent the full ‘truth’. Now the mystery is deepening, the plot has thickened and I have made you more confused than you were just 5 minutes ago.

In order to demystify the ‘truth’ around ‘trust’, let us ask ourselves, what do you visualize when you hear the term ‘trust’? No seriously, close your eyes, and say the word ‘trust’, what do you see in your mind eyes? Why I prefer visualization very much is that it helps absorb abstract concepts and to convey the same to others. For me, when I think about ‘trust’, I see a ‘bridge’. For me, trust is like a bridge, trust is a bridge, trust is the bridge. Let me tell you more.

The first thing you need to understand is that just like a bridge, ‘trust’ also connects. But note one thing here is that a bridge generally connects two previously disparate pieces of land. Similarly, trust is a bilateral emotion – this is fundamental to understand. So even if you say, I trust my team, we get what you are trying to say, but in practice, you need to make sure that you share the sentiment of trust with each individual in your team. One team member you have who doesn’t trust you or you don’t trust much – you know how it makes you feel.

The second thing you need to consider about trust is that just like a bridge needs a river or a deep valley under it so that its value can be justified by building it over them – trust between two parties needs to have a raging river below or a deadly valley underneath. In other words, there has to be a common danger, a common enemy separating us – for which we need to create a bridge to connect ourselves. If there is no such fear factor, no challenge to overcome, no danger to avoid – then why do we need to build a bridge in the first place? A mighty river separating lands justifies the need to have a solid bridge over it to connect them.

Now you must be thinking, ‘Shez, is it really necessary to have a common danger to avoid to have a bridge of trust between parties? Why can’t we still have trust even if there is no common danger’? Good question – the answer lies in the interdependence of the parties involved in a trusting relationship.

When two parties are entering into a relationship of trust, there needs to be a sense of acceptance that their mutual skills, experience and expertise are complementary to each other. Taking the football example again – why do we have 11 players with some as defenders, some as midfielders, some as forwards and one person as a goal-keeper? Imagine what would have happened if except one goal keeper, there are 10 strikers or 10 players of supposedly different specialist roles, but all behaving like they are the striker? I am sure you remember plenty of such examples from some memorable football matches. What happens here is that if I don’t accept that your skills are by far better than mine in certain aspects and mine are better and specialised than yours in certain aspects, there won’t be any need for me to need you and vice versa. This is a crucial element of sustaining a trusting relationship in a team setting and also in personal lives – understanding and accepting the interdependence we have on each other in the face of that common threat to avoid or the common mission to achieve.

So imagine, now we have identified two pieces of land, we have identified the mighty river separating them, we have identified that we want to connect the lands because the grass is greener on the other side, or the skills are finer on the other minds. So lets create the bridge. Voila! Its there now. We have signed some contracts, we have attended some team building sessions – we trust each other now.

Not yet.

Once the bridge is established, there needs to be the committed action from both parties to allow for vehicles and goods to pass between each other. That’s how trade, tourism, economic growth take place over time. Also, think about what is the most common target during moments of war? What gets destroyed as often as possible or as early as possible in a war? Bridges.

Similarly, what needs to be destroyed to destroy a relationship? The bridge, which is? The trust – between two parties. Do you see the connection?

An action plan for a WISE exchange needs to take over that bridge of ‘trust’, for that to be sustainable and meaningful.

WISE stands for –

Wealth, Wisdom, Wish list, Warnings, Information, Skills, Experience.

The word ‘rust’ is hidden in ‘trust’ if you have noticed it. Unless the bridge is maintained and serviced and used regularly – rust will appear, and it will become unsafe for use in future.

?So in summary, ‘trust’ is a 4 step mutual emotion.

First, it’s the Acknowledgement of the common objectives to achieve but also of the common enemies or threats to avert. So we acknowledge that there is a river we could not keep crossing anymore between us, we need to build a bridge over it to connect ourselves now. Acknowledging the need to have the trust.

Then comes ‘what to avoid’, and ‘what to achieve’?

We ask ourselves – Why do we need to trust each other? To achieve what? To avoid what?

Then comes acceptance – of the lack and pack of skills. What can we do better that they can’t and what can they do better which will help both of our parties? In other words, when we are in the early phases in a team or a relation, we are naturally trying to figure out –

Is that person going to

Cheat me? Beat me? Eat me? Terminate me?

OR

Is that person going to

Meet me, greet me, celebrate me, educate me? After these early contemplations whether to flight, freeze or fight – we need to allow for acceptance of each other’s unique strengths which we need for our own success.

And finally, an action packed action plan for the WISE exchange to ensure that building the bridge was worth the pain for both parties.

So my friends, the ‘truth’ about ‘trust’ is – when all these 4 factors are in play.