Why Do We Question Everything After 40? (Including Why We’re Hiding in the Bathroom)

Have you ever found yourself, maybe around your 40th birthday, standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring into the refrigerator, not because you're hungry, but because it feels like a tiny, chilly escape from the world?

You’re not alone. (And yes, I promise I won’t judge you for eating the last slice of cake while you're at it.)

Hitting 40 is like arriving at a surprise party where the theme is “Who Even Am I?” The decorations are existential questions, and the party favors include a strong desire to be left alone for five minutes.

Why All the Self-Questioning?

At 40, many of us start reflecting—sometimes obsessively—on our choices, achievements, and whether it’s socially acceptable to wear pajamas to the grocery store (it is, by the way). This introspection can stem from:

The Midlife Mirror: It’s like we suddenly hold up a mirror to our lives and ask, “Is this it?” We re-evaluate careers, relationships, and whether we genuinely like our hobbies or if we've just been pretending to enjoy golf all these years.

Time Awareness: The realisation hits that we might have fewer years ahead than behind. This thought can inspire us to make the most of our time or, alternatively, to spend entire weekends binge-watching documentaries about minimalism while surrounded by Amazon packages.

Hormones & Brain Changes: Yup, biology also wants a say. Hormonal shifts can affect our mood and perspective, leading to a natural pull toward solitude. Sometimes, it’s not that we don’t love our family and friends—it’s that we need a moment to recharge our mental batteries.

Why the Need to Be Alone?

Wanting solitude doesn’t mean you're turning into a hermit. It’s more like needing to reboot your mental computer. (Control-Alt-Delete for the soul, if you will.)

Noise Detox: After decades of constant social interaction—school, work, raising kids—our brains crave silence. Alone time becomes a sacred space where no one is asking where their other sock is or why the Wi-Fi isn’t working.

Rediscovering You: Solitude allows for genuine self-reflection. It’s where you can sort through your thoughts, explore new interests, or even try meditating without someone interrupting with, “What’s for dinner?”

Setting Boundaries: It’s also a time when we learn the magic of the word no. No to events we don’t want to attend, no to commitments that drain us, and yes to more time in our favorite chair with a good book (or a mindless phone game—no judgment here).

How to Embrace It (Without Feeling Guilty)

Schedule “Me Time”: Actually block off time in your calendar for yourself. Treat it like a meeting with someone important—because it is.

Find a “You Space”: Whether it’s a quiet room, a park bench, or yes, even the bathroom, having a place to retreat to is crucial.

Set Boundaries: It’s okay to let people know you need some time alone. You might be surprised at how much they respect it (or how quickly they’ll start doing the same).

Affirmations for When You’re Questioning Everything

For the next 30 days when you have a moment close your eyes if it is safe to do so, take a deep slow breath say the following in your mind, and allow your subconscious to take in the affirmations:.

“I am allowed to explore who I am without judgment.”

“Taking time for myself is necessary, not selfish.”

“It’s okay to not have all the answers—tea and reflection time will help.”

You may want to develop a few of your own but make them specific and positive. The beauty of reaching 40 is that you’ve earned the right to question life and to sneak off for some quiet time.

So go ahead, take that moment for yourself. And if anyone asks what you're doing, just tell them you’re having an important meeting—with your own fabulous self.

I hope this helps!

Cheers,

Gary

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