Why do we pretend to thrive in toxic environments if everyone despises them?

If I'm honest, I think my reason was the?need to prove myself.?I aimed to be my best, sometimes at others' expense. Never?at the expense of?my own team, though—I defended them fiercely. But my loyalty had its downsides. It wasn't blatant but subtle—like skipping consulting someone who needed to know about a project, taking credit for shared work, or keeping tabs on my spotlight moments. Somewhere along the way the goal shifted to making myself and my?team look good rather than uplifting everyone.

I’m not proud of it.?And,?I didn't even realize I was doing anything wrong?at the time.?I was doing great work - hitting my numbers, getting promoted, living my best life.??My team loved me.?But slowly, as the stakes kept rising, getting the work done became more complicated.?It’s like the frog in boiling water—I looked up one day and found myself simmering on the stove.

Recently, I listened to a podcast about high road leadership. John Maxwell, author of a book by the same name, explained that high road leaders want more?for?their people than?from?them. They are transformational, recognizing?EVERYONE?deserves excellent leadership. To lead well, he said, you must set aside ego and ambition. Wake up every day asking, "Who am I going to help today?".

It took a lot?of self-reflection to realize that while many thought I was a great leader, it wasn’t entirely true. I achieved great things and helped many people, but I also damaged relationships along the way. I didn’t know side?stepping?others to protect my team wasn’t okay. Bruce Schneider, in his book "Energy Leadership," describes seven energy levels. To be a true leader, a high road leader, you must connect to something larger than yourself and move beyond ego. Bruce calls this level six—a place of synthesis, joy, and wisdom.

I've talked about the joy I feel each day when I wake, a joy that has replaced my past anxiety. The anxiety wasn't from a hated job or unsupportive people; it was from my inability to truly lead. Real leadership recognizes our purpose to synthesize, collaborate, and connect. When we do this, we realize nothing exists in isolation.

John Maxwell sums it up perfectly. As a leader, your community?needs to know three things from you:

1. Do you care for me?
2. Can you help me?
3. Can I trust you?

I challenge you to reflect on these questions. Are you doing good for everyone at work? Not just your own team or division but the whole community of people who count on your leadership? If you can honestly say yes, you're on your way to becoming a high road leader with level six energy - which, believe me, is infinitely better than finding yourself in a pot of boiling water!?

I help leaders unlock their true potential at work and in life.??

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Ellen is an executive thought leader, business strategist and coach who is optimistic, energetic, and committed to serving and connecting others. She believes human resources is the business of people and the core of the company. The most successful organizations are those that align their talent strategies with their business strategies to ensure an organization’s people and culture are championed. HR’s primary function is to advocate for the total wellbeing of the company, the employee and the consumer - and not always in that order!

As a passion project, she runs a theatre company that performs live theatre in site-specific spaces with a mission to reimagine live theatre with innovative artistic experiences that bring our community together.?