Why do we need a smokescreen?

Dear Friends,

Recently a HR professional called me and shared his story; he said that he was a cheerful person and always loved putting people first but ever since he had taken up a job somewhere, his entire personality had changed.

He said that he was always feeling stressed but didn’t have

an option. He said that he didn’t get an option during these last 15 years but now his organization is considering him for a Senior position wherein his role will be quite different and interesting. He asked for my advice on how to view this situation. I advised him about the Mid-life crisis.

So while contemplating on that subject I thought why not share an article on the same with our fraternity through People Insights.

In the HR fraternity, unfortunately working in a business enterprise sometimes does not allow many of us to be frank with our bosses.

We are afraid that we may be labeled as soft, meek, or leftist in thinking and may lose the trust if we dissent. Hence we wear a mask. It is not only in the office we wear this but also sometimes at our homes. But I have noticed that during our prime or midlife we start noticing this.

The famous Psychologist Carl Gustav Jung described this process as individuation i.e. becoming aware of oneself, of one’s make-up, and the way to discover one’s true, inner self.        

Jung understood individuation to be something that began in the second half of life, when individuals reach the zenith of their lives and suddenly find themselves facing an unknown vista or some unforeseen upheaval.

Sometimes this turning point takes the form of a crisis: such as a financial failure, a health problem, a broken relationship, or a change of residence or profession - something which upsets the status quo.

Sometimes this experience assumes the form of a profound self-doubt, a loss of meaning or religious conviction, a questioning of everything previously held so dear. Sometimes it presents itself as a deep yearning or a call to change direction

In the Myers Briggs model of personality, it is assumed that our preferences (i.e. our types) are innate - they are with us from birth and not influenced by the environment. What is influenced by the environment is our behavior and our perception of ourselves. These are influenced by many factors, such as parents, siblings, other children at nursery school, television, the surroundings of our early childhood, etc.

As young children, eager to please, we adapt to those around us, in order to be accepted by them. Our behavior and perception of ourselves is therefore modified in order to 'fit in' with the various social situations in which we find ourselves. This process, which Jung called 'Accommodation', results in us presenting ourselves as different people in different situations, called 'personae'. We put on a mask.

Sometimes, the way in which we 'accommodate' to others is different to our true preferences. As an example: suppose a child born with introverted preferences finds that she has to be very extroverted in order to get the love and attention that she needs as a young child. As she grows into adulthood, she continues to act like an extrovert, and believes that she is an extrovert.

Or it may be a case of vice versa too. Girls in our culture are expected to be Introverted whereas if a girl’s true preferences are towards extroversion, then social pressure will be on her to act as an Introvert. The real preferences are not recognized. There can also be cultural, social or environmental pressure to behave in certain ways, and these create a "tug o' war" with our self-perceptions.

An example is shown in the diagram. In this case, the pressures, and therefore his personae, may lean so heavily towards the opposites that he or she may believe that they are an extrovert, whilst their real preference is for introversion or vice versa.

In the MBTI framework we get to understand that it can sometimes take a lot of energy (psychological) to maintain these personae if they are in conflict with our true preferences. Jung spent much of his life counseling people who had 'accommodated' to become people different to their inner preferences. For these people, mid-life transition can sometimes be a difficult and painful process. Please don’t worry if you fall under this category.

Sometimes there is little difference between our 'true selves' and the personae we present to others. Such people may find midlife transition a less difficult process than those individuals whose personae and inner self are quite different.

The process goes on where we try to live what we really want to and the issues arising out of that.

My whole thinking in bringing this up was for our introspection. My request to you is that we must recognize if there is a case like this in us. If so, please allow gentle evolution of the process and not be unkind to yourselves by pressurizing a fast paced outcome. Also understand and appreciate other people who are experiencing this phenomenon.

Up to this stage it is called Separation. The next stage is Liminality. In this stage the questioning of the personae leads to a large degree of uncertainty - a psychological 'no-man's land'.

The old personae have been rejected, perhaps only temporarily, but no new personae have been put in their place. In Myers Briggs terms, the individual may be unsure about his/her type, and seek views and feedback from sources outside of him/herself. I think it is here in this stage, I have noticed many HR professionals starting off on their own or some migrate to other functions such as Operations or Specialties.

It is at this stage we need to be caring with people who undergo such conflicts. I think in an organization where a support system is there, the uncertainty lessens. Reintegration eventually lessens the uncertainty and the new personae are adopted (usually, more in harmony with what is happening 'within') and what remains uncertain feels quite comfortable (or even an essential part of living). During reintegration, one:

In Myers Briggs terms, the person may finally discover his/her 'true type', and be comfortable that it is a genuine reflection of inner preferences.Now taking you back to my friend’s case; I think his type (under the MBTI typology) must have been an ESFP who according to the type characteristics might have been charming those around him with fun loving spontaneity. Later after taking up that job he had to change to suit the requirements of that job so in the process he had become an ESTJ, a hard working traditionalist organizing and managing people and projects.

Please note the contrast and what he said; he said that he was feeling stressed. It was natural when one has put on another type which is not his natural type to feel stressed.

I had met some very senior HR professionals who had confided to me that they had accommodated to see things go smoothly, in terms of meeting the needs of the family, etc.

I basically don't see anything wrong in all these things. My main purpose in bringing up this is to only see that we know such a process can be set off in us. Awareness helps us in handling this in ourselves as well as in others in the organization.

It is a fluid process - but recognizing the stages can help to make sense of what is otherwise chaos and confusion. Perhaps understanding of mid-life transition might help some people to move from thinking 'there is something wrong with me' to seeing that the feelings and changes associated with mid-life are quite natural. In fact, they are experienced by most other people at a similar stage of life.

The final stage in the process is Individuation i.e., one of recognizing and integrating the conflicts that exist within us, and achieving a balance between them. I think this is why we call elders mature people or balanced people. Many organizations look for these people; who are mature and who can handle conflicts well.

I think those who have successfully resolved their inner conflicts can resolve the conflicts of others. It is these people who are sought out more for Senior level positions. So while dealing with your problems know that you are becoming stronger in your mind and don't give up. Individuation helps you grow mature. Know that you are not alone.

Paul James (MD)

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