Why Do We Lie To Ourselves?

Sometimes it's a minor thing, sometimes it's a big thing. Maybe you tell yourself that hitting snooze and sleeping in is ok just this once. Maybe you tell yourself that no one is going to notice if you didn't proofread your presentation. Maybe you tell yourself that you don't need to take time for yourself, because that would be selfish. Maybe you tell yourself that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Maybe you tell yourself that not knowing the future is a sign of weakness.

Sometimes the little lies aren't immediately consequential. Hitting snooze when you don't really have anything to do for a few hours, after all, doesn't seem like such a terrible thing. Having a few minor typos in your presentation probably isn't the biggest deal, especially when you and your team have been running flat out for months. And, you've gotten by without asking for help and pretending to know the future so far, so what's the harm in continuing that?

The question you need to ask yourself is: What are my little lies doing to me subconsciously? When you set your alarm the night before, you made a promise to yourself. When you hit snooze, you break that promise. Your subconscious picks up on this.

When you leave typos in a deck, your subconscious knows they're there, even when no one picks up on them. (Your conscious definitely knows they're there when Mr. Burns calls you out for them in an executive meeting, though.)

When you don't take time for yourself, your subconscious begins seeing yourself as less important than everything.

When you need help and don't seek it, you're telling yourself that you're all alone.

I believe that there are two categorical reasons we do this to ourselves:

1. In some way, we aren't happy with what we're doing or who we believe we've become. Over the course of a career, the little changes accumulate until it's hard to recognize your original set of values and priorities.
2. We're afraid of something. We're afraid of losing what we've worked so hard to achieve. We're afraid of being seen as weak, even when showing vulnerability and asking for help is the ultimate sign of strength.

So, I encourage you to set appointments with yourself to take time away from everything but you. Take time to reflect. If you feel like you can't do this, you are 100% in need of it, so make it happen. If you feel like you can't make it happen, think about all the things you DO make happen - reframe your perspective in a way that prioritizes giving you time to reflect. If you still can't take time for yourself, you should really find someone to help you stay accountable to this.

The Mindset Shifts That Mattered To Me

I, like so many other people who came of age in the 80's, was a latchkey kid. I raised myself. I got myself up and off to school every morning before mom woke up. I got home and "fended for myself" before mom came home (and even after that). It wasn't all bad, but the point is that what I learned during this period was that I had to figure life out on my own.

Skipping the drama of the in-between time, fast-forward to my professional leadership career. I had this belief that I had to know everything before I knew it. I thought that if I didn't have full control over everything, I was "less than." I thought that if I didn't have a reason for everything that happened out of my control, I was "less than."

This didn't serve me well, and it wasn't until I started seeing the world from a different set of perspectives that things got better. Here are the most important mindset shifts I made (and continue to remind myself about):

1. I don't have to know everything about everything - this is what connections with other people are all about, after all.
2. Not knowing comes with the territory of leadership - it's an inescapable fact.
3. If I do my best, that's the best I can do (and that my best is different depending on the day).
4. The kicker: It just doesn't matter (and if that clip doesn't get your wheels turning, invest some time and watch The Razor's Edge).

Week In Review

This marked the twelfth and final week in my Leadership Mastery Series.

?? Week 12: Going Deeper - Conflict Resolution

→ Advanced Conflict Resolution: https://lnkd.in/gecGD-5r

→ Proactive Conflict Management: https://lnkd.in/gJnkd2pE

→ Conflict De-escalation Tactics: https://lnkd.in/gnn9g9mC

The full summary post with links to all twelve LMS posts is here.

Webinar Delayed!

I had a webinar scheduled for Thursday that I was unable to hold. It's been rescheduled for 2/29 (it's a Leap Year!). I have 3 steps you can take to improve your team communication.

Here's what you'll learn:

• How to prepare for authentic conversations
• A new perspective on accountability
• How to build trust
• All about the ladder of inference
• Different types of conversations and when to have them

I'll give you my feedback planner as well, which is a useful tool for providing candid, objective feedback when you need to (and this is always a need).

Here's the registration link.