Why Do We Feel Bad About Those We Leave Behind

As you step out of your career, job, skills, even hobbies, you’ve likely invested in a course, teacher, or perhaps even a degree.

You shared struggles with your peers, broke bread with those who walked your path before, even Netflixed and chilled with others just watching your shenanigans.

You’ve worked hard to understand the lessons offered. You’ve practiced and reviewed, sometimes even repeating the learnings, so you really “get it.”. You may have even helped others deepen their ability to both utilize and apply these studies.

Regardless of the years, investment and time, you have “done the work.”

Standing on your ascended peak, you look around and see more mountainous terrain – new projects, expanded expertise, even additional accolades – all available to you.

Then you look down the hillside and notice a few stragglers.

Some of these people have helped you, acted as a foil to your learning, perhaps even guided you and shown you the way during the most challenging parts of your climb.

You may be feeling remorse, regret, or shame that you’ve now left them behind. But why do you have to feel this way?

Somewhere along the line, we were led to believe every end must be Disney perfect, with joyful tears and American “values” oozing at the seams.

Sometimes we avoid “the end,” because endings are designed to be sad, full of lessons unlearned and unshared sentiments.

Suddenly we feel like there are no take-backs and our mistakes and regrets may overshadow the learnings and growth.

We’re tired but very aware, there’s another challenge just around the corner.

We become attached to our knowing. A sense of familiarity. Calling the shots.

Each journey gives us an opportunity to reflect and evolve. Our ego and mind grip onto certainty and patterns as a way of creating safety and security in an inherently uncertain world.

Some of us are hard-wired to attach, and without conscious practice, we can grip onto relationships and situations, even when they are harmful to the attached.

People share experiences, creating connections and common ground. An “us vs them,” camaraderie develops between 2 people or smaller groups.

Oddly for us westerners, what we may be unaware of, is the benefit of ritual. The familiar “teacher,” the common participants, the start and end, or a boringly predictable day.

This ritual contains our experience in a way that feels protected, even if we are actually quite threatened in those moments.

Attachment yields disappointment.

?We personalize what is an external, uncontrollable experience. Suddenly, our experience is happening to us and we’re helpless, flailing about blaming, resenting or traumatizing what is a very neutral happenstance. Hence, the end. The need to end “this,” so we can begin “that.”

?

Attachment to anything is something to grow awareness around.

• Do you fear or avoid the end?
• Do you stretch experience and relationships far beyond their benefit to you?
• Do you externalize or blame others or environments when resentment starts to creep in?
• Are you the last to leave the party (oh, just me?)

?Attachment doesn’t make you a bad person, this tendency is just something to be aware of, as this need to white knuckle every experience and never let it go can keep you stagnant.

It’s harmful when it hurts you. Especially when it damages the relationships that have ultimately been beneficial in your life, until … now.

Because you learned what you needed too and received everything you deserved!

What if you could celebrate every end? Document the wins. Look at the regrets and mistakes alongside the learning and growth opportunities? You can honor what was while creating space for what will be.

Whenever you don’t feel GREAT, it doesn’t have to mean anything other than, “huh, maybe it’s time for something different?”

When we fill our life with joyful activity, journey’s that excite and delight, and recognize the hardship as a way to deeply appreciate the good stuff, endings are exciting.

A natural conclusion, creating the next, new beginning.