Why Do We Fear Change?
Marty Wilson CSP
?????? Multi-Award Winning Change & Resilience Motivational Speaker ? former Australian Comic of the Year
Today I’m going to explain why we fear change in the first place.
Charles Darwin, born over 200 years ago, the father of the theory of evolution – and an incredible Thought Leader
It’s not the strongest of the species who survive, not the most intelligent, but those who are the most adaptive to change.
Change is hard all of us. I’m a Pharmacist turned Copywriter turned Stand Up Comic turned Wine Writer turned Author and Speaker and I still find change incredibly challenging. If you ever see anyone say “I love change. I am The ChangeMaster. Change scares me not!” Just point and say “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.”
Ironically, it’s actually evolution that has made change hard for us. Survival of the fittest has actually hardwired our brains to seek patterns and avoid change.
When something is familiar we feel relaxed and confident. When we’re trying something different, we get a surge of adrenaline that gives us sweaty palms and a tight feeling right here.
We go into our favourite restaurant, Ahh nice. They’ve changed their whole menu, Ahh.
I come home to my wife of 10 years – I relax. I come home to my wife and her new personal trainer Sven, I tense up.
We all know how this adrenaline feels. Some call it fear or nerves or butterflies, some call it knots in the stomach, sadly some of us call it “that thing that stops me learning a language/starting a business/phoning that girl. It’s such a shame we’re all brought up calling it “something bad”, because it doesn’t have to be.
We only feel it at all because our physiology hasn’t caught up with civilised society.
Emotionally and intellectually we’re not primitive anymore, but we still have this Neanderthal part of our brain that sets off alarm bells if we move too far away from the cave. 10,000 years ago this was a great survival mechanism. Back then life was physically dangerous and people who explored were people who died. But these days it’s almost never life or death. We still get the same big hit of adrenaline but we’re just out of our comfort zone so fight or flight just isn’t appropriate anymore.
In a new business pitch it’s not considered good form to run away from your client screaming like your hair’s on fire, or lean over the desk and punch them in the head.
However because we’ve grown up calling this adrenaline surge “fear” that’s how we react to it. We all try to build a little bubble of sameness around ourselves to avoid it.
We choose new friends just like our old friends, Use new systems just like our old systems. We go into a pizza place, look at the menu and goes “Hmm, Sicilian… Capricosa looks nice…, – Ham & Pineapple please.
Life is a short, precious gift, we can’t let that underdeveloped Neanderthal part of our brain convince us to spend our life safely tucked up inside our cave.
To use a more Australian metaphor, Don’t Live Between the Flags. Sure on the beach, swim between the flags. But don’t live between the flags.
If you’re choosing a motto for you life, please don’t make it “Same again thanks.”
If your life has a soundtrack, don’t make it a “Non-stop block of Classic Rock”.
If your life has a flavour please don’t make it Ham & Pineapple.
Senior Strategic Development Manager
7 年It's dummed into you at an early stage i.e. school e.g. Pull your sock up, tuck in that shirt, stand in line ... if you don't conform it's detention ... No one likes detention.
Communications Specialist | Internal | External | Change | Strategic | Engagement
7 年Great topic. Sometimes change is easy ..sometimes it's a lot more challenging..it depends on your personal attachment to what you have to let go to make the shift. That will always vary. When change happens to you and you don't choose it, you have to go through your own personal change process to move forward. Understanding the power of acknowledging what's happening and how you can change your own mindset helps all progress.
Auckland Print Specialist l CA l Ex Banker l Owner: Presentations Design & Print present.co.nz
7 年I wonder if GenY/Millennials would confront changes quite differently than Baby Boomers or GenX. The younger generation is more adapt to changes, e.g. in technology.
Therapeutic Conversation Specialist
7 年I think our fast changing world has made peoples relationship with change, change greatly! I think we have become enculturated to change because we see it all around us now. Perhaps as a result people crave sameness and a simpler life, with less choice? I know I crave those things sometimes! Just at the same time I desire novelty. I think however, this is a tension within us all... that fundamentally people like to feel safe, and do all sorts of things to control life / their environment - change can make you feel unsafe. And yet there is the desire for the new. We need both change, and sameness / security. One of the many paradoxes of being human.
Inspiring Meaningful Happiness / Master of Play
7 年Hi Marty, I respectfully disagree that people fear change. I'll throw out a different take. Human beings have constantly evolved, ie: changed. It's not change per se that we fear but the potential of loss that may come with change. There is plenty of change that we do look forward to as we can sense the gain by adapting to it. I believe it's actually the concept of loss that we fear. It's a great Darwin quote and one I've used myself but unfortunately he never actually said/wrote it https://goo.gl/EV4hVu - however using your example about your wife and Sven - it's the fear of loss that makes you tense. And for good reason - that Sven, he's a looker. :-)