Why do we call them "soft skills"?

Soft skills are “soft,

until you don’t have them,

Then it’s hard.”

--Chike Aguh, senior advisor of Harvard University’s Project on Workforce

Aguh further suggested that the process of developing soft skills is similar to getting good at sports by adding, “You can’t read a book on how to do a jump shot.”

I couldn't agree more with his sentiment!

Organizations don't spend enough time assessing soft skills in job candidates, and much less on upskilling employees with the necessary soft skills after a promotion.

We promote the best individual contributors based on their hard skills: meeting KPIs and exceeding expectations. Then we wonder why they aren't good at managing a team, presenting to senior leadership, or why turnover has gotten worse.

A story from my personal experience...

I took over a team of 10 staff and was given the files of the previous manager to comb through for anything I might find helpful.

What I found was a stack of non-HR forms she had created to "write up" various team members in an effort to make it look official. The offenses ranged from eating too loudly to a 10-minute tardiness (Note: this was an office, not an assembly line.)

I didn't find any positive notes, nor any official records of offenses with HR. So it made me wonder, what did this team think of their previous manager?

It took some time for me to break down the defensive walls that had built up around this team. They held fear and anxiety, while valuing finger pointing and hiding issues. This was the result of a lack of leadership, a lack of respect, and no sense of being a team.

I'd rather call them "essential skills"....

Communication skills (including listening!) are essential in every workplace. But there seems to be great disparity on what that means. For some, it is knowing how to write up a report, give a presentation, speak to senior leaders, write emails, or lead a meeting. To others, it is reading a room, getting the sale, negotiating a deal, or inspiring and motivating a team.

In his communications style quiz, Pierre Casse show us that there is a variety of personal styles in communication. The key is learning how to identify the style of others so that you can adapt in order to improve the act of communication... being both heard and understood!

From Pixar's "Inside Out" and "Inside Out 2", not to mention all the great EQ resources out there, we have been introduced to the idea of naming our emotions. Not just for the sake of entertainment, but to interpret, control and use our emotions to communicate with - and relate to - others more effectively and constructively.

Let's not forget about the art of giving (and receiving) constructive feedback. In setting aside emotions and the stories we make up in our heads, knowing how to focus on facts without creating defensive walls, allows those "difficult conversations" to turn into constructive, beneficial conversations for both parties. Instead of avoiding the subject, true leaders are having real communication that turns into career development rather than toxic work environments.

All of this turns into teamwork, collaboration, innovation, engagement, and retention... not so "soft" after all, eh?

_____

It doesn't take much time or effort. You really can make a difference in even the smallest of ways.

?? Sometimes you need an outsider looking in

to help you see what's going on right in front of you.

When you are ready to focus on leadership development,

and those mysterious "soft skills",

I'm here and ready to guide your team on that journey. ??

Speaking of Communication...

An easy - and fun - team building discussion is discovering your own communication style, and realizing that not everyone else is the same style. (This is why the golden rule doesn't always work!)

Download this free quiz from Pierre Casse. Give it to your team and have fun guessing and uncovering each other's unique communication style.

My teams have loved this so much, they've taken it home and made their families take it, too!

?? REPLY and let me know how your team discussion on Communication Styles went! ??

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Wishing You Success,

Stephanie Weiss

Your Empowered Leadership Coach