Why do we always want what we can’t have?

Every once in a while, we may be victims of emotional turmoil, drawing us into a state or irrational behavior and hampering us from applying any logic or reason to a particular situation or event. Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have, and it always seems as though we are chasing it relentlessly to the point where it wears us out. When you reach that breaking point, a bundle of emotions springs up and you feel helpless.

Alas, walking away is the optimal course of action, it is much easier said than done and it can be incredibly tempting to fall for the thrill of the chase. The struggle is real and many times you can’t just come to terms with it and rid yourself of this dilemma, all be it the wisest thing to do to restore your mental sanity.

The human mind works in a very unique, yet strange manner and the brain naturally plays these tricks on us. We typically do not desire an object, experience or individual simply out of sheer desirability. In fact, desirability is exponentially amplified the minute we become aware that something is unattainable and/or tag higher value to it. We long as human beings for things we don’t or can’t have irrespective of whether those are worthy of longing for or not and our attention is suddenly heightened when something is hard to get because of the higher perceived value we placed on it.

What really counts in such situations and will make the biggest difference is to become fully self-aware, attuned and acceptant of the fact that you are allowing your emotions to take over and rule you; while that’s normal, you may end up indulging in unfavorable behaviors and actions that may adversely impact your state of mind, well-being and confidence. In fact, it becomes a lot easier to combat negative thoughts and deal with emotional turmoil when we realize what triggered them in the first place and where they stem from. This takes an awful great deal of practice and wisdom and I am not there yet. It is a daily struggle to try and strike the balance and talk myself out of emotional decisions and choices I may be tempted to make when pragmatically, I should refrain from pursuing.

What you also need to be mindful of is that high expectations are the root causes of disappointments. Because we are overly invested when we chase the things we desire the most, we have the inclination to also demand reciprocity and our anticipation for greater returns becomes higher. This is the time when you should pause, reflect and take a step back to reassess the situation. The challenge is when expectations don’t materialize; there’s nothing worse than unmet expectations especially when we hang on to them and build a mountain out of molehills in our heads. I am not the best reference when it comes to dealing with unmet expectations and disappointments, in fact, I am a victim of it myself but I am learning and go through trial and error often in the attempt to find the method that works best for me.

Bottom line and note to self, don’t beat yourself up too much and accept that it is what it is and that often, you may not be able to change the dynamics of a situation, event or person. It’s okay if things don’t go as planned; you’re not alone in this. Everyone goes through unmet expectations and disappointments and while they can be daunting at times, make peace with them and learn how to cope with them when life throws them at you; they’re there to stay.

My one advice to myself and others is to cope with situations, events and individuals we encounter in our journey with an open mind rather than hoping for specific outcomes or anticipating certain results to emerge. No one needs to live up to the pressure of preconceived notions and risk hurting themselves in the process. Walk into every situation with no expectations and you will never have to experience disappointment, anger or frustration.