Why do some have better relationships than others?

My ex-supervisor used to say that there is a direct correlation between one's performance and the quality of the relationships that he carries. This is invariably true. When we look around we find those with strong relationships (internal and external) are more successful in their professions. They are better leaders, business managers, and salesmen. Why are people with better relationships more successful than others? Why "subject matter" expertise is not sufficient enabler to drive performance? The fundamental reason is that for a business to be successful the employees have to work in teams. Working in a team requires the members to collaborate with each other, and the intensity of collaboration is driven by the strength of the relationships between the team members. Team members with weaker relationships will find hard to collaborate resulting in poor performance. On the other hand, the team members with stronger relationships can achieve difficult tasks.

Why do some have better relationships than others? To appreciate this one needs to understand the key factor that drives relationships. The strength of a relationship cannot be measured by the number of people known to that person, but by other's eagerness to closely work with him. But why would one like to work with him and not with others? The reason is that he is perceived by others as trustworthy. People like to work with him as they do not feel the threat of being cheated. The foundation of all relationships is based on trust.

How do we cultivate trust in a relationship? By being honest in all our interactions. This is easier said than done. How can we be honest with someone when we are not sure of a similar behavior in return. In case our trust is broken we will look like fools having trusted him, in the first place, that too when the pressure of competition is so high. However, no trust can be developed without making an earnest attempt in that direction. Hence, it is important that team members take all steps to inculcate trust. But, how? Let's discuss.

Start relationships with an assumption that the person interacting with us is trustworthy till he sufficiently proves otherwise. This will provide enough opportunity for him to reciprocate. If he does, then it will kick start the relationship.

Maintain relationships by ensuring that the trust is not breached at any time. Hence, the team members need to be transparent. Sometimes trust can get broken due to misunderstanding. Transparency can be very useful in clearing misunderstanding. All doubts should be addressed through a robust feedback mechanism which is specific, clear and not vague.

Strengthen relationships by working in the interest of others and not by promoting oneself with a purpose of taking credit. This will boost confidence in the team members, and precious time will be saved for adding value and getting the work done than worrying about those working against our interest.

In the Book "Go-Giver", Bob Burg and John David Mann states that fifty - fifty is a losing proposition. The only winning proposition is one hundred percent. Make your win about the other person and go after what he wants. Following these simple principles will enhance one's relationships significantly making him a better team player and enable the team to achieve outcomes which normally might seem impossible.