Why do regrets make us better and more humans ?

Hello Everyone

As part of the release of his book The Power of Regrets, Laurene Rey-Millet and I had the opportunity to interview Daniel Pink?

A big thank you to Dan for this fascinating book and for the time he was kind enough to devote to us.

you will find below the English translation of the article published in the main French economic newspaper, Les échos.

Why do regrets make us better and more humans ?

Regret is one of the most misunderstood feelings, despite the fact it helps us alter and transform into a better version of ourselves. So how can we draw some benefits from our most important regrets?

In his latest published work (February 2022) titled The Power of Regret, best-selling author Dan Pink (translated in over 42 languages) debunks many believes on regrets.

-?????????Edith Piaf was wrong.

On the 10th of November 1960, French singer Edith Piaf sings for the first time the famous ‘Non je ne regrette rien’ (No I regret nothing), a song which sold millions of copies worldwide.

Non, je ne regrette rien was her big come back at the concert hall l’Olympia, a year after she had to leave the stage, exhausted by her poor health due to deep addictions.

Since then many artists have covered her legendary song: Dalida, Johnny Halliday, Mireille Mathia, Nicolas Peyrac, Patricia Kaas, Tina Arena etc…

The Legion of Honour even turned this song into its hymn, as it deemed fitting the mental state of soldiers battling on the ground: ‘never regret’.

Piaf died age 47 on the 10th of October 1964, with her last words being: ‘Every damn thing you do in this life, you have to pay for’.?

Not sure those infamous last words match her previous ‘I don’t regret anything’ statement.

Her iconic song carried an appealing creed, to never regret…which is utterly wrong. To never regret isn’t a sign of a fulfilled life, but rather of a life lacking in reflection.

Regrets are like a photograph’s negative – when we identify and analyse what we regret most, we can pinpoint values that matter most to us.

-?????????The 4 types of regrets:

A regret is easy to feel, not so much to characterise. Psychotherapists define it as a displeasing feeling, linked to the reflection of someone who wish they had done, or not, something differently.?

In his book The Power of Regrets, Dan Pink shares the results of two fascinating studies that gathered over 16 000 regrets testimonies, from people across 105 countries. And his analysis pinpointed 4 different types of regrets:

Foundation regrets. Or the equivalent of the tale The Cricket And The Ant – if you put instant pleasure above your work, like the cricket did, you risk regretting not taking your chance. All in all, it’s about taking the right decisions at key moments in your life.

Boldness Regrets, which are inaction regrets. You didn’t take the chance or seize that opportunity that was within reach – you’d summarise it by ‘if only I had taken the chance…’

Regrets of moral, represent only 10% of all regrets collected. They amount to ‘if only I had be more just, more loyal, more honest…’

Connection regrets, which were the most widespread regrets, are about regretting not making more efforts to keep in touch with people who matter to us, rather it’s in your personal or professional life. People often regret forgetting about their childhood friend, their grandparents. It comes to a lack of empathy and generosity – ‘if only I had reached out sooner…’

What to do with our regrets?

Treat yourself with kindness rather than contempt. Mulling over your regrets indefinitely will only bring you bitterness and plummet your self-confidence. Inaction regrets are three times higher than action regrets, and you’d generally find them within boldness regrets.

How do you move on then? By questioning yourself.

What are things you regret not doing back in 2021? How would you plan on not repeating those regrets now in 2022?

Try to identify your three most important regrets, failures, or blunders from the past year. Write them down in a first column, then next to each regret, write down what lesson you drew from them.

What’s the point of such painful exercise? First, according to Pink, you took the decision you thought was the most adequate considering the information you had back at this moment you ‘created’ this regret. Sometimes you roll the dice and lose.

It’s harsh reality but confronting it can become a relief – a way of moving forward, as you get rid of this setback and become more used to life’s tribulations. So, to sum it up, to acknowledge you wouldn’t have done things differently can be a way to ‘forgive’ your failures.?

What about the failures and regrets from which you can draw a lesson? You’ll start seeing recurring thought process that led to several regrets you had on your list. Try to pinpoint what it is you’re doing wrong, and this will help you not doing it again in the future.

There is a Chinese saying that goes: ‘The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now.’ So it’s time to act or you’d end up regretting it…

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