Why do people overshare their TMIs at work?

The driving force behind the tales

In their conversation on why people like to overshare, Dr. Gary Brown, relationship therapist, and Carolyn Cole, licensed marriage and family therapist, share a few possibilities that lead to the act of oversharing:

• An oversharer may also not have a good ‘internal censor’. In these cases, they may not have an ability to ‘read’ their audience; typically, they do not have a good sense of boundaries.
• When people overshare, they are often desiring very much to connect with someone. Anxiety can be a big driver among people who tell-all, as well as feeling lonely and needing to connect with others.
• A person may become an oversharer out of feeling generally inadequate. They often feel the need to share everything that comes to mind to make sure they’re heard. Some narcissists also fall into this category.
• The risk of oversharing in conversation increases as people age. When testing 100 people ranging from 17-84 years old, researchers discovered that the older subjects provided listeners with more irrelevant details than their younger peers.

When debating sharing personal content, the first step is to ask yourself what you are getting out of oversharing; that way, you'll better understand why you're doing it. Learn more about oversharing through Cole and Brown’s conversation here.

The common types of oversharing

There is no concrete definition of what counts as ‘oversharing’. It all boils down to individual comfort levels whether a conversation is deemed as a healthy self-discourse or crossing personal boundaries.

That being said, there are a few topics that are prone to birthing oversharers:

1. Personal finances

Did you just get a huge raise? Did your spouse just inherit Rp500 million? Sharing TMIs can build resentment and drive a wedge between you and someone.

2. Career aspirations

Sharing too much information about your exit strategy can cause your colleagues to disengage if they don’t think you’re in this for the long haul.

3. Vices

When you share stories of impulsivity, people could start thinking you don’t have any self-control. When it comes to oversharing at work, that goes triple for vices.

4. Outside priorities

Anyone is allowed to have side projects outside of work, but when you whine too much about how overwhelming it gets, people might start to think you’re slacking.

5. Politics and religion

People are really passionate about their beliefs and they tend to be divisive in an office setting. Consider leaving these deeply personal topics for your personal life.

Find more topics that could spark oversharers in the full article here.

The red lights to put in place

Though sharing personal stories at work could be beneficial in terms of building rapport, trust, and friendliness with others, there will be times where you need to put a stop to an unproductive conversation. You could do that by:

Redirecting the conversation

The boundaries can get blurrier with colleagues you have befriended outside work. You could try by saying “Hmm that’s interesting. I’m curious—what are your plans for next week’s presentation?”.

Being straightforward

You can be firm but gentle in the conversation by acknowledging what the other person is sharing. You could say “I feel honored that you trust me, but I’m not sure I want to know this much.”

Reading the room

Each workplace has its own governing assumption of what constitutes oversharing. Default to sharing less when you first join an organization. As you get to know the norms, you can share more.

Read more about how to stop an oversharer and how to not become one yourself here.

Have you dealt with an oversharer before? Or, are you one of God’s least favorites who have to deal with one every day?

Whatever your situation might be, keep in mind the learnings from this week’s Monday Mavens edition to get you through the overshare-free week ahead.

Let your colleagues in on the insights as well by recommending us to them. We’d be more than thankful!