Why do Koreans keep asking personal questions?

Embarking on your journey through Seoul's vibrant streets, you're eager to immerse yourself in Korean culture—meeting locals, engaging in conversations, and experiencing all that Korea has to offer. However, one discomfort often arises for non-Koreans when interacting with locals.

As you mingle with Koreans, you quickly notice a difference in communication styles. Koreans tend to ask personal questions a lot. Questions like "How old are you?" "Are you married?" or "What do you do for a living?" are common.

But before you dismiss these inquiries as nosy or intrusive, it's important to understand the cultural context behind them. In Korea, personal questions serve as a way to build connections and establish rapport. Unlike Western cultures, where personal matters are often reserved for close relationships, Koreans dive right in, using these questions as a means to get to know you better.

This cultural tendency is deeply rooted in centuries-old Confucian ideals, which shape every aspect of Korean etiquette and social norms. Concepts like seniority, where titles and speech forms are determined by age, underscore the importance of social hierarchy in Korean society. Even seemingly simple questions, like asking if you've had lunch, can have multiple expressions in Korean, each tailored to reflect social status, age, and familiarity between individuals.

Normally, in countries where language varies according to the age of the person being spoken to, it is common to ask about age without hesitation. This is necessary to determine the appropriate way to address the other person. This applies not only to Korean but also to Vietnamese, where various terms of address exist depending on the age of the other person.

Communication in Korea is nuanced, with language and tone adapting to fit the context, whether speaking to a boss, friend, or child.

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Another factor contributing to Koreans' tendency for asking personal questions is the emphasis on relationship culture. In Korea, there is a saying, 'I even know how many spoons and chopsticks are in a friend's house.' This proverb signifies intimacy or the depth of the relationship with the friend. However, in reality, we don't know. Even I don't know how many spoons and chopsticks are in my house. The proverb implies that if one is close enough to a friend, they would even know details about the friend's belongings in their house.

As a result, such situations can also occur in Korean companies. For example, if a colleague named Jihee, who seems close with Seyoung, is absent from the office all day, people such as the boss or other colleagues may ask Seyoung why Jihee isn't seen at work today. If Seyoung responds that she is not sure, people might think, ‘I thought you (Seyoung) and Jihee were close.’ This assumption stems from the belief that two seemingly close individuals would know each other's situations well.

In the case of colleagues, if Jihee couldn't come to work because of sickness or drank heavily last night after breaking up with a boyfriend and couldn't wake up in the morning, Seyoung would be anxious to avoid creating any problems or discomfort due to Jihee's absence and would strive all day to handle any potential issues arising from Jihee's absence.

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As such, relationships in Korea evolve gradually, and the depth of a relationship is often gauged by how much one knows about the other person. Personal questions become more common as familiarity increases, reflecting the depth of the bond.

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In Korea, there's a cultural concept called "Jung." The "Jung" that arises from such relationships carries the meaning of affection + connection + relation. This word, untranslatable into English, entails caring for others with affection, but it also encompasses long-standing relationships, social ties, and even the phrase hate-affection, which indicates a relationship where both parties may have disliked each other at times but still cannot ignore when something happened to the other. Even if a long-term couple argues every day, the phrase "We live together because of the hate-affection" is something Korean understands but difficult to understand as well.

While Korean curiosity may seem intrusive at times, it stems from a genuine desire to build rapport and establish meaningful relationships. By recognizing these cultural nuances, you can enrich interactions with Korean and forge deeper connections in Korea.

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