Why do couples with children stay together unhappy?

‘’Daddy I am really going to miss you bad!’’ were the words of my 4 almost 5 years old son before he went to bed, and we created another beautiful and creative good night story together by laughing together and slowly lowering our loud voices and amazing vibe to sleep modus. Every Sunday night between 7pm and 8pm he knows and realizes the routine of daddy going back to his own house again, however this time I could really sense his pain as he was looking very sad with watered eyes and started crying while spitting out these words. As a father seeing my child at this level of sadness like this instantly shifted my happy mood into sad and feeling very guilty mood with a lot of thoughts went through my mind all very fast after each other as I was experiencing an extremely intense rollercoaster with a lot of turns and looping’s after each other being very sick after the ride which I think is the best way to describe this feeling. And to be honest I couldn’t keep my eyes and face dry either. As we both let our tears drop, we hugged and discussed his pain, and we felt a connection by really listening to each other and let him express his feelings. This beautiful child who I feel blessed to call my son seemed to calm down and understand that he had nothing to do with the fact that dad was going to be gone for a while again. I believe he had peace with the fact that daddy would be away for the upcoming week because of traveling abroad and attending a seminar.

Not being able to be around always as his mother and I broke up obviously leaves scars in my beautiful son’s mind and simultaneously is needed to prevent more open wounds from fuzzing and fighting between mom and dad. So, after years of struggles, fights, and basically very poor communication this is the best solution for everybody and especially for a young pretty boy of almost 5 years old. The less stress and the more positive vibes at home are in my opinion very important for a child to develop and blossom like a lotus flower in the younger years. I am not saying that a person can’t develop without having a strong home base in the younger years, however I believe that with a strong home base there just will be less mess to clean up at a later stage in life.?

No parent is perfect. However, messing up a kid the best way possible would be ideal and create a feeling of being successful at parenting. A friend of mine once stated, ‘’well when parents separate that’s a scar for a life’’. Which I find an interesting statement as I truly believe that even when a couple with kids choose to separate, they still have their duty to guide their child together through all obstacles that may occur no matter what! Too many people grow up because of mom or dad left and leaving their kid(s) behind questioning himself or herself why mom or dad is still alive and never there. Besides this too many couples stay together for too long which in my opinion can mess up their kid(s) even more compared to break up, clean the mess, clean up themselves, guide the kid(s) through the process and build a strong routine and co-parenting relationship. Because children need a routine to be grounded strong when growing up.

Why do people stay in unhealthy relationships even when they know they should leave, like for yeaaaars? Well, everybody has got their own excuses at first sight. When zooming in on peoples life’s and asking the right questions as a coach I have been able to learn from a lot of people who were not really happy in life and their relationship and when I asked this question stated above most people answer the same; ‘’I am scared of being alone’’ or ‘’Well we stay together for the kids’’ or ‘’Well our eco system at home runs like it should and even though I know I will not stay with him or her for a lifetime my kids need to be brought up first’’. This is a very sensitive subject for people and from my own experience I understand that people stay instead of leave. However, the questions I would ask now when people say this is; ‘’So when your child grows up having parents who don’t really love each other what are you teaching your child about love? Do you really want your child to learn love is cold instead of warm? Do you really want to set this standard of love as an example during these very important and information absorbing younger years? Everybody would answer this question with a big NO. Hmmm interesting… Then why do people still stay even after realizing this is no good for nobody at home? Well, I think because most people don’t really know who they are as a person. And because of this they don’t know what they really want in life, so they stay together fearing being alone or whatever other legitimate excuse. They haven’t unlocked their true power within and stay acting miserable to each other at home which possibly in time will backfire big time.?

I am not saying that if you are in a less happy situation at home you should pack your bags and leave just like that. What I am saying that if you sense that you and your partner just aren’t made for each other then you should cut the bull shit and stop being selfish. Be a real man or woman and dare to count yourself out for the sake of your child(ren) and your partner, and most important for your own sake. My biggest lesson that I’ve learned from staying in unhealthy relationships is that I couldn’t really be the man and really be there as a father the way I desired. So yes, it’s freaking hard to not always be around, yes it hurts like hell. But believe me the crap that you’re experiencing at home staying in an unhealthy relationship is way more damaging for everybody than making good agreements and have a piece of mind, daring to look in the mirror and face your mistakes, develop, and move on in life as life is too short to mess up other beautiful souls on this earth in my opinion.

Thoughts of feeling guilty because of this situation and having a child that young who needs to go through the pain is never what I would wish for my son. Thoughts of feeling stupid of all the mistakes that I’ve made repeatedly which brought my beloved family in this situation, although a knife slices from both sides. However, every drama has its blessing which we can see and experience once we’re able to change the point of view, clean up the mental mess and start developing our true value and purpose in life.?

So how do I stay around for my child while I’m counting myself out went needed and still be a parent to him? Well first start by challenging my ego which is very hard to do. We all have an ego which for some people seems to be in the way to achieve common goals as co-parents. So, when conversating with someone who hates my guts and really doesn’t want me to have around you maybe can imagine some conversations aren’t as joyful or fulfilling. So, when ego meets ego what to do? Best answer I could find is to sprinkle love, even when she starts laughing at you or be very cynical you must stay in your power to set an example for your kid. In time she will turn around when you stay strong and long enough. So, stay around, hang in there, start listening instead of talking, try to connect and keep your child at the center of interest in all big and small decisions taken together and separately. And most of all; Count out yourself at home when needed to stay in as a parent and take responsibility for every action which leads to the current results! No matter the weather, when you wish for your life and the life or your loved ones to be better than you must develop yourself and get better. How do you do this? Dare to be truthful to yourself and face your Goliath. You can start right now by asking yourself the right questions.?

I choose to be alone in happiness and gratefulness over having to stay together and being grumpy to each other every day feeling miserable as #*$@%! How about you? Are you reading this and thinking well I am truly happy in my relationship? Then I’m happy for you and would love to learn your magical formula as well.?

Thanks for reading this, much love and have a Rock Soul Solid morning, evening, or night!

Rock Soul Solid Regards,

Safouan Gharsallah?????

Instagram @iamrocksoulsolid

Facebook @Safouan Gharsallah

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