Why Do Breakups Hurt So Much?

The Pain Of A Relationship Ending.

Breakups are similar in many ways to the death of a loved one.

Not only have you essentially lost part of your life, you no longer have that person with you anymore.

It’s not so much that they have died, but that what you had has gone and isn’t coming back.

You’re also dealing with the loss of an idea; of the hope that comes with every relationship, no matter how long it lasts.

You’re likely to experience similar feelings to those that genuine grievers feel – desperate loneliness, anger, upset.

You’ll also experience the nasty physical symptoms too, such as not eating or sleeping and constantly crying!

Regardless of whose idea it was, there will inevitably be feelings of regret, too.

You’ll spend a lot of time wondering where it went wrong, what you did to push them over the edge, or whether it would be worth trying ‘just one more time.’

You can spend hours torturing yourself over what you could have done differently and whether or not you should have fought harder for the relationship

Remember what we mentioned about grief? Well, that feeling really continues throughout the breakup; you’ll feel as though someone is missing.

You’ll obviously feel upset and sad about this, but anger is also pretty likely to crop up as well.

It’s probable that you’re feeling frustrated and hurt, and that these sensations will feel very unfair – you don’t deserve this!

The problem is that anger, while a useful emotion in many ways, left to run rampant is also a form of stress. It can play havoc with your adrenal system and digestive system and end up draining and exhausting you just when you need to collect your energies and focus on healing.

Rage is the currency of our times.

 In a climate of shout first, think never, it’s hard to tell.

Rage sells, rage sways, and it’s become a tool in the hands of so many that fear and dread are always there to greet us each morning, regardless of the weather, regardless of our own sunnier dispositions, and totally uncaring regarding the harm it does us.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate. 

Thank you …Harm and rage filter down from the macro to the micro: when we practice anger rather than love, our daily lives become full of nettles.

Perhaps we take out on others our frustration at not being able to escape the blare of rage, or we say ‘no’ quicker and more often to small interactions than we ever would have before.

We see our compassion erode and our mental, physical, and spiritual health decline.

Because more often than not, rage is a lie. We’re not mad at others, we’re mad at ourselves.

The journey from rage to release goes through stages;

That sudden red haze in the brain is a strong stimulant. It makes us feel as if splitting a mountain with our bare hands is not only possible, but is our right, and there are few mental states more addictive than a feeling of entitlement.

 We deserve attention, but someone ignores us?

Rage. Someone offends us when all we wanted was the peace of going about our day?.

Even when anger is justified (such as over the innumerable actual injustices afflicting the world), it’s too toxic to be allowed to linger. It must be released to allow for more effective, beneficial modes of being.

After the onset of anger, the urge to retaliate is extra strong. We feel wronged and we want to punish the wrongdoer.

This, of course, leads to resentment.

Want to add word or two?  

The end of a relationship is hard enough, but when one ends without any closure on your part, it can be horrific.

It’s so hard not knowing why someone chose to end things with you.

Closure is what we need to move on from a situation, so a lack of closure can make it feel impossible to move forwards.

In this case, you need to force a shift.

Your comment ….? 

That means embracing the future and really throwing yourself into it. The more you can change things around you, the more your life will feel new and different.

Change your routine, your setting, your activities and you won’t feel so stuck on the old, familiar life that involved your ex. 

Now, this one takes some time and really shouldn’t be rushed, but dating again can be a good way to get over someone.

It’s both the best and worst advice out there, so do with it what you will!

Some of us need to physically move on and get ourselves excited about someone new in order to forget about someone old.

Some of us need time to process and heal, and dating someone new would be a total, breakdown-filled disaster.

Update your routine.

Stop going to places that remind you of your ex!

There’s a certain kind of torture that involves completely crushing your soul and getting that horrible gut-punch feeling. It mostly involves stalking your ex on Instagram and feeling sick every time you see his face – even though you knew you would.

It’s so silly and yet so many of us do it and feel surprised that we feel rubbish afterwards.

You need to find ways to live that don’t involve your ex – that means no internet-stalking, and no going to your local pub/bar and awkwardly hoping you run into him (but also being terrified you might run into him).

The more you dwell on the life you had and relive your time together (but alone), the longer it’ll take you to move on.

Acknowledge that you may need help.

This is a tricky one as we’re not suggesting your doctor is there to help you get over an ex – but it is important to seek help if you’re really struggling.

It may seem dramatic and ‘pathetic,’ but you need to respect your feelings and get help when you need it.

Some people find it really difficult to deal with breakups, and they can’t sleep or eat properly.

That is a natural, human response to feeling stressed and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Some of us have difficulties in general, and breakups and stressful events can trigger them and worsen them.

Accept that it takes time.

The most important thing here is to accept that it will take time. You can fill your days as much as you want to and spend all your time on tinder, but you need to accept that there will still be times where you feel rubbish.

This is completely normal at the end of anything – relationship, friendship, leaving your job, even!

It’s a kind of grief and it’s annoying to hear, but time does heal, even if it takes a little longer when you don’t have the proper closure you need.

Give yourself a break and don’t punish yourself for getting upset still.

You will be okay again, and you will find someone else, but you also need to give yourself some space and acknowledge that your heart won’t be fixed overnight.