Why didn't they get kicked out?

Hello everyone! It's Antoinetta Mosley and I'm back for an extremely raw reflection post.

On the board to the right of my desk is a reminder I wrote to myself in January of this year. How can I be unapologetically authentic today? Because I am a DEI practitioner, you may assume that being authentic and having "courageous" conversations is easy for me. It is not. My personality traits and strengths are rooted in introversion, relationship building, and strategic thinking. I do not enjoy conflict or ruffling feathers, and surely never take actions just for a reaction. I am a DEI practitioner and advocate for equity because I feel it is a part of my purpose and what I was called to do. I have countless conversations in my head where I ask myself, "Do you really want to say that?" And the majority of the time I say yes, because if not me than who? I feel called to be a voice for those who often feel voiceless and those who don't have the courage to speak up, yet. I strive to be a constant example of what our firm stands for. One of our values is to:

"Produce transformative outcomes that change the pace of progress and lead to systemic solutions in workplaces and communities."?

You cannot get to transformative outcomes and dismantling systems by staying safe and being quiet. You and I have countless choices throughout every week where we consciously make a decision to have radical candor (caring personally and challenging directly) or ruinous empathy (caring personally and staying silent.) The framework developed by Kim Scott also has two other quadrants, however I'm going to hope if you're here reading this, you are choosing between the two choices stated above and manipulative insincerity and obnoxious aggression are not in the mix.

Below, you will read about a recent incident that occurred where I chose radical candor. I wrote the information for this newsletter down and then recorded a video which turned into Episode 17 of Conversations with I Follow the Leader: Why didn't they get kicked out? If you would rather watch or listen to this information vs. reading it click here. If you prefer to read it, please know that I converted my writing to text and did limited editing, so please excuse grammatical errors. There is a call to action for those that watch the video or read this newsletter and it's extremely important to me. I really want to know who's in. It matters.

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Originally written December 20, 2021 after returning from Mico Restaurant in Charlotte, NC.

I was not planning to [write] this, but I feel called to. Why didn't they get kicked out? I just finished writing my thoughts. It's about 11:30 PM EST on December 20th. I came back from the restaurant, and I immediately started writing my thoughts, and now I am immediately getting on camera saying this to you. So it will be raw, and it will be unedited. I am just going to go. I have my water here. I have my remarkable that I wrote on.?

This is likely the rawest you have ever seen me. I love and I appreciate the love on all social media platforms with my most recent post about my word for 2022, and I'm polished, right? And, and I'm beautiful, and I'm serving, and I appreciate the compliments.

But I am not all glitter and smiles. I was put on the earth to break down barriers.

So if you are here and following me, not only for the glitter and smiles, but to help break down barriers, this [newsletter] is for you. If you're only here for the smiles, honestly, you don't know me that well and I think it's probably best not to follow me.?

I think it's really important that you know I am here for justice, for equity, for inclusion. And I'm sorry if that's something that gets overshadowed by the professional photos, but in this talk, we are going to be all the way real. This is really important. So here we go...

Mico restaurant in Charlotte, North Carolina, at the Grand Bohemian, it's considered "upscale." I was there tonight with two team members who have done so much for I Follow the Leader and we were celebrating. Unfortunately, we went from celebrating to somberness.

Unfortunately, I've witnessed a lot of discrimination in my life, whether it was in elementary school being called the N-word on the bus or tonight listening to a group of four people say discriminatory remarks about Jewish men and men born in a different country.?

And they laughed loudly. Apparently, discriminating against people was a joke to them. One of them seemingly tried to be courageous and speak up by saying the comment was borderline anti sematic. Because I guess telling her friend the truth would ruin the dinner.

Comments aren't almost prejudiced or almost discriminatory or almost racist; they are, or they aren't. And these were.

Why do those in the majority so often get to decide what is too much or when it's too far? Well, tonight it was too far for me and it was too much for me. Am I Jewish? No. Was I born in a different country? No, but I believe part of my purpose in life is to stand up for those who are often voiceless and unable to speak up. We have to say something, to do something, anything. Tonight I chose to get up and move because I heard prejudiced and discriminatory remarks about people of Jewish faith. And about those born outside of this country. I told my waitress. I got a conciliatory nod aka?I understand, but it's just the way it is. The rest of our dinner turned from celebratory to somber. The three of us shared incidents of prejudices, discrimination, racism, and the longer I sat, the more upset I became because why did I have to move? I didn't do anything.?

I decided to check in with the waitress and talk to the manager to make sure she knew why we moved. She didn't. She didn't know why we moved. So people are allowed to talk like that in an upscale private restaurant and disturb our professional work event? And it's okay. Apparently. I asked to speak to the manager and more nods of feigned understanding and care. It seemed she went to talk to the ladies and then she was ringing something up. We were in shock. Were they getting kicked out? I remarked. I have never seen that in action. Someone white be kicked out for disturbing someone black in a restaurant. I just haven't seen it. And then we soon realized as their uproars laughter continued, no. No, they were allowed to stay. They could disrespect Jewish people and those born outside of this country blatantly and loudly and stay.?

My three minutes - our tables three minutes of hope, quickly dissipated. Why didn't they get kicked out. Their own friend knew their comment was anti-sematic, but it was okay. It was "borderline" anti-sematic to her. They were unbothered. Our entire meal ruined. Our moods sullied. A chorus of why's, of questions unanswered, of the all too common barriers and systems, once again in play. Two parties, both out to celebrate- us a business year, them a 40th birthday, but they didn't have to leave. I know if it was the other way around, we'd be gone. Three minority millennials at an establishment, such as that, it wouldn't even be a discussion. But I was told, "we didn't hear them." "we can't kick people out." You can't kick people out or you refuse to kick them out. Lines in the sand were drawn.?

Once again, an exasperated black voice told to sit down, be quiet, don't make a scene.

I know the tone. I know how it goes. But for those who may be confused or don't understand, black voices our cries are often drowned in feigned sincerity. What do you want me to do?

We wonder why more ceilings aren't shattered. Why more systems aren't dismantled? Because to many, nothing is broken. It was built this way.

You may think this seems dramatic, or this is too much. Tell that to little me called the N-word on the bus who still feels the sting decades later. Tell it to me, the me in my thirties who set on a call and watched over four people privately message me on a call when someone was being openly disrespectful. Still, not one person decided to say anything publicly. It wasn't ok then. And it's not okay now. I don't feel good about tonight. My dinner, our dinner was ruined, but I walked away with my head held high because I tried. I pointed out what was wrong.

However, my truth, the truth of the others with me with, was dismissed and shot down with four words.?We didn't hear them.?

We were all aghast! Who would want to make up that they heard something discriminatory? Who would want to ruin a celebratory dinner? We heard discriminatory remarks about groups that we didn't even identify with personally.

I guess there's only justice, if there's a recording. That's what I've learned as a black person in America. Because at Mico restaurant tonight in Charlotte, the word of three minorities meant nothing. People don't get why black lives matter is important or why people keep talking about LGBTQ+ rights or why diversity without equity is not progress.?

I'm tired. I'm tired of speaking up and having nothing happen.

The tides haven't turned because enough people are not willing to do what's right even when it's uncomfortable. The next time you hear a microaggression, discriminatory statement, or racial slur, will you pretend you didn't hear it? Will you ignore it? Will you question what you could do?

Those of us who are often underrepresented, aka underestimated, need you!

• Are you willing to step up?
• Are you willing to not only message privately but challenge directly?

I asked the waitress, why didn't you tell the manager? She had no answer for me.?When I spoke to the manager, I asked the manager, "what was your conversation with them?" She said she couldn't say. I asked, "why didn't they get kicked out." She said she couldn't kick them out because she didn't hear them. I don't know what lesson to take out of this other than the one reinforced to minorities everywhere → document everything. And nowadays record everything. Because if it comes down to sides, it's unlikely I will win. That may be true, but I will not stop speaking up for what is right. And whether it's in a restaurant like tonight or on a wedding dance floor or on a zoom call or behind closed doors, or in public, I stand firm in my values. I stand firm in I Follow the Leader's values.?

No matter how difficult, how uncomfortable, and how defeating, I will always stay firm. in what is fair, just, equitable, and inclusive.

Why weren't they kicked out??

If you made it all the way here, I have a plea.

Next time, will you do something? Next time will be right around the corner because these situations are rampant in our workplaces, restaurants, and communities. You're either part of upholding racism and white supremacy or part of dismantling it.?

• This isn't a marketing plea. This is a humanity plea.?
• This is an enough is enough plea.?
• This is a plea that this ends now with our generations, with us, it's enough.?

I deserve to have dinner free of discrimination and disappointment. I deserve to feel a sense of belonging, care, and safety. I deserve for my time and money to be treated equally.?

What are you willing to do??

Here's my plea. The next time you see something, say something!

• Challenge complacency.
• Challenge silence.
• Challenge inaction.

If you are in, if you are willing to commit to standing up for what's right even if you're ignored, even if it's difficult, even if it's uncomfortable, even if you're an introvert, even if you've never done it, write "I'm IN" in the comments.?

?Y'all will like the polished professional photos of me. They get thousands of views, but will you like this newsletter? Will you like this newsletter of me standing up for what's right? For me standing firm? Do you follow me for the glitter, the headbands, and the smiles? Am I a safe black person to you? Or do you follow me because you believe the pace of progress needs to be pushed,?barriers need to be broken down, and systems need to be dismantled? I cannot wait to see how many people are willing to state in the comments publicly, "I'm IN."?

I want to conclude by sharing two MLK quotes. We're getting close to the holiday. Many people like to post his quotes, but are you living out his principles? We celebrate MLK now, but let's not forget he was murdered for fighting for equity and justice for all. The majority did not like him preaching about equality.?

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends."?-MLK Jr.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." -MLK Jr.

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Thank you for reading! If you're in, please share write that phrase in the comments. Thank you to all those who have also said "I'M IN" via the other social platforms where the video was posted. I see you, I'm with you, THANK YOU.

Let's go make a positive impact. The world needs us.?

Would you please let me know if you enjoyed this newsletter by leaving a reaction or comment? If you're not a subscriber to this newsletter yet,?subscribe here. ___________________________________________________________

I look forward to connecting with you again soon. If you have a #dei or #leadership question you'd like me to answer, put it in the comments, and it may be in an upcoming newsletter.

Did you miss the last newsletter: "5 things our firm is grateful for?":?Click here?to read it now.

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As seen in the New York Times and Diversity, Inc., Antonietta Mosley is the CEO and Principal Leader at I Follow the Leader LLC, a strategic consulting firm specializing in diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) strategy, initiatives, and education. Launched to heighten awareness and readiness of DEI initiatives within companies, I Follow the Leader partners with organizations to move them along the diversity continuum, improve their overall culture and increase profitability, creativity, and innovation. Learn more at?ifollowtheleader.com. If you are ready to stop DIY'ing your DEI, and partner with experts, we would love to connect with you. Contact us. _______________________________________________

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