Why did my husband call me a "terrible selfish"?
Shahinul Khalisdar
Tax Advisor | Business Advisor/ Taxation Expertise/ Enrolled Agent (EA)/Master of Science in Taxation (MST)/ Author
It's crucial to understand that selfishness is a trait that can manifest in individuals of any gender. Both men and women are capable of displaying selfish behavior. For instance, a person who always puts their needs above others, even when it causes harm, can be considered selfish. Similarly, someone who is unwilling to share or help others can also be seen as selfish. It's important to note that selfishness is not confined to one gender.
In Christianity, "selfishness" is considered a fundamental vice, serving as the foundation of the seven deadly sins, particularly in the form of pride. The seven deadly sins, also known as the capital vices or cardinal sins, categorize major vices within Christian teachings. According to the standard list, the seven deadly sins are pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth.
The Quran underscores that humans have a natural tendency towards selfishness, stating, "Humans are ever inclined to selfishness" (4:128). According to the Quran, traits of selfish individuals include being backbiters and slanderers. Backbiting refers to speaking ill of someone in their absence, while slander is the act of spreading false information about someone. The Quran also warns against despising others to flaunt their wealth or superiority. It warns, "Woe to every backbiter and slanderer, who amasses wealth greedily and counts it repeatedly, thinking that their wealth will make them immortal!" (104:1-3).?This verse warns against the negative consequences of selfish behavior, such as backbiting, slander, and the belief that wealth can grant immortality, and emphasizes the importance of humility and gratitude.
Wealthy individuals may sometimes engage in backbiting and slander, which are forms of speaking ill of others behind their backs or spreading false information about them as a result of their intolerance toward others' well-being. This behavior can serve to dehumanize others and reinforce their own status as superior.
However, Allah said, “And whoever is saved from the selfishness of their own souls, it is they who are ?truly? successful." (59:9). "So be mindful of Allah to the best of your ability, hear and obey, and spend in charity—that will be best for you. And whoever is saved from the selfishness of their own souls, it is they who are ?truly? successful". (64:16)
The Prophet (?) said, "Beware of envy because envy consumes (destroys) the virtues just as the fire consumes the firewood," or he said,?"grass." Envy, which is a feeling of discontent or resentment aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck, is?also a form of selfishness.
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English dictionaries define selfishness as the quality or state of prioritizing one's own welfare or advantage, often at the expense or disregard of others. It embodies an excessive interest in oneself. In other words, “Me first; the rest are trash.”
Allah said, “And He has granted you all that you asked Him for. If you tried to count Allah’s blessings, you would never be able to number them. Indeed, humankind is truly unfair, ?totally? ungrateful.” (14:34) ?
"Indeed, We blessed Luqman with wisdom, ?saying?, “Be grateful to Allah, for whoever is grateful, it is only for their own good. And whoever is ungrateful, then surely Allah is Self-Sufficient, Praiseworthy.” (31:12).
But the one who had knowledge of the Scripture said, “I can bring it to you in the blink of an eye.” So when Solomon saw it placed before him, he exclaimed, “This is by the grace of my Lord to test me whether I am grateful or ungrateful. And whoever is grateful, it is only for their own good. But whoever is ungrateful, surely my Lord is Self-Sufficient, Most Generous.” (27:40)
In conclusion, to address conflict in a relationship, it may be helpful to reflect on actions that could contribute to negative remarks, such as being called selfish. Understanding the reasons behind such statements can facilitate personal growth. Additionally, expressing gratitude for assistance, no matter how small, is beneficial, even in situations where services are being paid for. Cultivating a mindset of thankfulness can mitigate feelings of selfishness and promote positive character development. In Islamic teachings, this concept is known as Jihad al-nafs, which involves striving against one's own shortcomings. The overarching aim for many is to seek a place in Jannah (Paradise) rather than solely focusing on worldly pleasures.