Why did I get told to "grow a pair"?

Before I could talk, I would cry to tell people that something wasn’t right.

So why did I get told to “stop crying”, to “grow a pair”, to “harden up”? Well... it's because I am a man and gender stereotypes dictate that.

Men are taught that we need to be strong, tough and all the associated masculine words. So when things aren’t right, men don’t talk about what’s wrong. The fact is, suicide is the biggest killer in men under the age of 45 and 75% of suicides are men.

We're talking mental health here and guess what? We all have mental health, it's just whether its healthy or not, regardless of diagnosis.

One of the most common types is depression.

Depression is bollocks. It really is. You can’t just “snap out of it”, “cheer up” or “do something you enjoy”. The voice of depression is awful. It tells me that I’m weak, worthless, shameful, alone and helpless and I believe it because it’s my voice saying it. When it’s at its worst, I struggle to sleep, eat, look after myself, talk to anyone and find happiness.

I feel nothing which only feeds into my worthlessness feelings.

And it’s not just "feeling sad" when my depression is bad. I get anxiety on top of my anxieties which drags me even further down. It gets too much and my form of self harm is working too many hours, drinking extra glasses of wine to numb the voice, avoiding my friendships because it's just too exhausting and withdraw myself from all situations because I just want to be alone so that I don’t disappoint people by being around them.

International Men’s Day (yes lads - we do get an International Men's Day as do Women which is every 19th November, we talk about it less - seeing a theme here?) is important because I know how much mental-ill health can impact someone and we need to get better at having conversations with men about it. I know it's hard being a man and showing any kind of vulnerability, but, we all have a chance to help someone who is experiencing mental-ill health.

Mental health is the last taboo which will only get easier if we all make it an action to talk about it. To help someone with mental-ill health, listen non-judgmentally, give reassurance, encourage them to see professional help and encourage them to seek self help. Before you do any of that though, you must assess their risk of self harm or suicide.

Simply by asking the question "have you or are you considering self harm/suicide?" is the easiest way to understand although is a difficult conversation to have. It's not meant to be comfortable but you could save someones life.