Why Contracting Conversations Matter

Over my many years of being a leadership consultant and coach, I have noticed that leading change effectively depends on the quality of relationships throughout the organisation. This is influenced by the ability of leaders to have good, open, and honest conversations.

If we want people to be engaged, then the process is a two-way conversation.

It’s important to make time to allow such conversations to happen so people can ask questions, share concerns, gain clarity, set expectations and move forward.

If change isn’t happening, it’s time to look at the type and nature of conversations that are going on.

Conscious contracting conversations help build and maintain strong, collaborative relationships. When approached with preparation and self-awareness, these dialogues foster a sense of safety and clarity. They focus not on scripting conversations but on being aware of the dynamics at play and ensuring both parties are aligned in their expectations.

What is a Contracting Conversation?

The term 'contract' may make you think of something legal and binding.

Although this type of conversation doesn't involve lawyers, it does create clarity and agreement on how the relationship will be conducted. It helps both parties understand each other's needs and expectations and, more importantly, feel safe.

Contracting can help create effective relationships by using an adult-to-adult conversation in which both parties can contribute their thoughts, feelings, needs, and expectations of each other to make the implicit explicit.

The benefits include surfacing otherwise unspoken assumptions and expectations and creating a safe and secure basis for a relationship. The latter is particularly important for establishing trust and the space for people to engage and bring themselves and their full potential to work.

Levels of Contracting Conversations

1. Administrative – the logistics and processes, e.g. work from home or office

When we take a job, we sign a legal contract which spells out the organisation's expectations of us and what we will receive from the organisation in return. It is all about the logistics and practicalities that support the working relationship.

?2. Role-Specific – This focuses on roles, objectives, and responsibilities.

For instance, a manager may expect regular updates from a team member, while the team member may need assurance that they can seek support when required. Making these expectations explicit prevents misunderstandings and helps resolve issues before they escalate. Documenting agreements in writing adds further clarity.

3. Psychological – this addresses the unspoken beliefs and expectations individuals bring to the relationship.

For example, a team member may expect recognition for their efforts, while a director may expect flexibility from their team. Exploring these unconscious beliefs helps resolve underlying tensions when relationships falter.

The Three Cs of Contracting Conversations

Contracting conversations aren't one-time events. Relationships evolve, and so must the agreements underpinning them. Regularly revisiting these conversations ensures that expectations are continually aligned, fostering a supportive environment.

C1 – Relationship Beginnings

This conversation occurs when a new relationship begins, such as a leader and a new team member. It sets the groundwork for how the relationship will function by making expectations explicit. Some questions to address include:

• What is each party’s understanding of the purpose of this relationship?
• What does each party want or need from this working relationship?
• What expectations do they need to make explicit?
• What could get in the way of this relationship being effective?
• What can they do to prevent this or address this should it arise?
• How do people like to be managed or led?
• How would each party describe their communication style?
• How do they like to receive feedback?
• What assumptions does each person hold about the other parties and about their relationship?
• What in the bigger organisational system could impact this relationship, either positively or negatively
• How does each party want to respond to this?
• What specific agreements do they want to put in place to support this relationship?
• How and when will they review how the relationship is working?

C2 – Event-Specific?

These conversations occur at the start of specific events, like meetings or performance reviews, to ensure everyone is clear on the desired outcomes. Questions include:

• What does each party want to achieve from this event?
• How will success be measured?

C3 – In-the-Moment

These are real-time agreements based on immediate observations, such as asking permission to provide feedback or addressing a behaviour impacting progress. Questions or prompts might include:

• "Can I offer you some feedback?"
• "I notice we're avoiding resolving this issue. Should we focus on it now?"
• We’ve spent some time discussing this. Is it time now to draw a conclusion and move on?
• What can we do to lighten the mood here?

Why Contracting Conversations Matter

Conducting contracting conversations with the people you work with closely provides a foundation for creating effective relationships. It is a pre-emptive step to supporting healthy, constructive communication, where both parties feel OK, and the triggering of reactive egos is kept to a minimum.

Agreements made explicit in a contract provide boundaries, which in turn create a sense of safety and the building of trust.

While contracting conversations will support helpful communication, they don't mean things will not go awry sometimes. However, having a contract helps pinpoint the means to address this and provides a frame of reference for conversations which might otherwise be more difficult.

This method is valuable for proactively setting out needs, expectations, beliefs, and assumptions and managing potential ego traps. It helps make a relationship's needs and wants explicit rather than implicit and provides a foundation of psychological safety. It is an adult-to-adult conversation that puts a relationship on a firm footing of awareness.

If you want to read more on this topic and more on leadership development tools and techniques my book 'Ego:Get Over yourself and Lead' will help you to navigate tricky relationship dynamics and create greater levels of engagement.

Be a leader who creates a culture that empowers others to perform at their best.