Why compliment?

Students today are normally seen as arrogant/entitled lot with minimal respect to teachers/ faculty. Recently when I addressed a batch of students, they completely surprised me. It was an orientation talk I delivered on personal branding at a city college for MBA students in their 20s. The Dean walked in a little late as he was on a call & stayed on till the very end. He came up, looked at the bright-eyed youngsters, and shared what he had taken from the talk. He then gestured to the students to give feedback on what they are taking away from the session.

After a little hesitation, the first one came up to share what all he took away & I loved his feedback. He was a very good listener as he asked a lot of questions during the talk. The second student however worded it so powerfully that I have never forgotten what he gave as feedback. He was quiet all through the talk and had not interacted much by way of questions or answers. I was surprised when he volunteered to speak. He came up to the podium looked at the class & declared, “Every creation, needs a creator.” He then looked at me and said, “Ma’am I see you as a creator.” He then walked up to me & fell at my feet. ?A gesture that showed me how well he was brought up.

The simplest way to build conversation is to compliment! It does not cost much to the giver but it has amazing effects on the receiver. When was the last time you gave a compliment? When was the last time you received one? Give it a thought & it will surprise you with how you remember the ones you received! When you show Gratitude to someone, it is a positive way to reaffirm what they have done to you and makes them feel valued. ?How many times have you hesitated to give a compliment, thinking the other person will be a little uncomfortable? Or maybe because you are pessimistic about the compliment not landing as well as it should. However, we have to accept that a compliment has a positive effect on the recipient and stays with the recipient keeping them happy. Therefore, it is ironic then that “only 50% of people in one experiment who wrote down a compliment for a friend actually sent the compliment along when given the chance, even though they’d already done the hardest part — coming up with something nice and thoughtful to say.” (HBR article) So it is our pessimistic attitude that stops us from creating an atmosphere that will be a positive one for all.

Alan Mullaly, the former CEO of Ford, says, “It’s all about appreciating them, respecting them, and thanking them at every step of the way.”?Scientists have found that being paid a compliment, actually lights up the same parts of your brain that get activated when you get paid a monetary award. Remember how much compliments mean to a little child who is learning something new! The child now wants to perform better. Compliments have an amazing way to make people remember you too. In fact, one of the best compliments, you can give people is that they have a beautiful smile. No one looks bad when they smile, right? So, it is a genuine compliment & maybe, it will make them smile more often. It is an amazing way to spark conversations with people in a whole new set up too. Giving compliments is a quality that helps you notice positive things about people around you. Thus, keeping you very positive and optimistic.

?Three key tips you can keep in mind for bettering yourself on the skill of giving compliments are:

1.?????Be Specific: Never be generic in your compliment. Make sure you say something that you noticed about them in their behavior or what they are wearing. Let them know what specifically you appreciate. Generic compliments sometimes fall flat as you are seen more as a people pleaser.

2.?????Be Sincere: People can make out when you are paying them a compliment superficially or you genuinely mean it. The tone of your voice plays a big role in conveying this. The more personal a quality you noticed, the more sincere your compliment will be.

3.?????Be Graceful: Many of us are so hassled when complimented. We feel we have to return it immediately. It helps here to understand that when you deny a compliment, you are telling the giver, that he /she is wrong. It seems rude! When you have nothing to say, just say a graceful “Thank You”. Look for the right opportunity to pay it back.

“The most sincere compliment we can pay is attention.” Walter Inglis Anderson's words explain a compliment in action.

Would love to know the best compliment you have received so far! Do share.

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