Why “coming out” is not a once in a lifetime event.
Mark Robinson BA (Hons) CMktr MCIM MIoL
Chartered Marketer | Marketing Generalist | Experienced in Business Growth, Management and Strategy.
It is unusual for me to write about LGBT issues. Sometimes though we need a reminder to highlight differences and discriminations gay men face. I believe it is important for people of differing walks of life to share their experiences. In part to try and re-frame perceptions or stereotypes and to stand up and be part of the community.
For clarity, although I usually write about Bellyflop, the professional video production company I run and a whole host of related topics such as video marketing and corporate video content, this article has none of that stuff in. You’ll have to wait until next time for something more on-brand.
For those that don’t know me that well, I am a gay man in my 40’s and I first came out over 20 years ago. I say first because as the title implies, coming out is something gay men continue doing throughout their lives. My most recent coming out was this morning and it reminded me about just one of the inequalities that still exist.
Now before I go on to explain why it was necessary again today, I can already hear people telling me that Gay people have equality now. We can get married, join the army and adopt children if they want. Not necessarily all those and, not in that order but there are laws to protect the LGBT community. However, those protections still do not equate to equality.
I highlighted some of these issues back in 2012 after losing my first husband to cancer. I recall being sat in a hospital waiting room with him and the nurse came to call him through for his appointment. As I stood with him to go with him the nurse challenged us. Looking at me she said assertively, ‘and you are?” At that moment my husband had a choice, should he deny me and refer to me as a friend who has come with him? Or, does he ‘out’ us in a busy waiting room by saying I am his husband. He chose the latter but that encounter has stayed with me.
Fast forward to 2021 and I am now around six weeks post-covid. I was fortunate in that my symptoms were mild. Around the time I contracted Covid, I learned that the NHS urgently needed men who have had the virus to donate blood plasma. They specifically asked for men as according to the NHS, a man donating for the first time is three times more likely to give a high antibody unit of plasma than a woman donating for the first time. This saddened me because I could not help.
It’s now March 2021 and I receive a call from the NHS. the lady at the other end enquired about my health and proceeded to introduce me to plasma donation. When there was a suitable gap in her script I stopped her. I told her there was no point continuing as they won't take my blood. She enquired why and boom! There I was, once again outing myself as a gay man. You see as a gay man I am still currently prohibited from donating blood or blood plasma.
The rules state if you are a man who has had sex with another man in the last 3 months then you cannot donate. Note this does not make exceptions for those in long term, monogamous relationships where there are no sexual health issues.
In contrast to this, if I was a heterosexual man enthusiastically sowing my wild oats throughout the town, hopping in and out of bed as if I was the last male rabbit trying to save the species, then I would still be able to donate blood and plasma.
Usually, I would make a sarcastic remark about how HIV and STI’s know not to infect the heterosexual population. But, this is not a matter of amusement. If you are so inclined you can read the latest PHE report on STI’s here:
You can read the most recent report on HIV statistics here:
Having to come out like this to a stranger (albeit over the phone), is a reminder of one inequality I still face in the UK as a gay man. Even the Lady who called me said she thought it was a stupid rule.
Fortunately, this is one inequality that will soon be addressed. This summer the rules on blood donation will change, you can read more here:
I will then be able to join a community that step-up to help fellow humans every few months by donating a pint of blood.
The change will come too late to help with a donation in this pandemic. However, I sincerely hope there is not another one anytime soon. Whilst I am happy to donate and to support I have had enough of lockdowns!
If you are not afflicted (joke), with being a gay man like me and you would like to find out more about donating blood plasma I am sure you will receive a very warm welcome. Find out more here: https://www.nhsbt.nhs.uk/covid-19-research/plasma-donors/
What makes your Heart Sing? ? Do You know what's Important in your Life? ? Do You Value what really matters for your Well Being? ? Do You Know you are the Centre of your World? ?
4 年Beautiful words Mark, I must say I'm not surprised. What's bothering me is that no matter what, we have to justify ourselves. Our society is not yet able to accept us as different individuals no matter our orientations, beliefs even tastes.
Marketing Campaigns Manager | MBA student | B2B | Performance Marketing | AI Automation | Technology
4 年Like Laura said, this is really well written but also I enjoyed the facts/links. As this was a LinkedIn post / from the title I thought you may talk more about coming out at work and at ever work you start and how that may impact your career so I was surpirsed how the article developed but if you did write about that then I would read that also ??
Customer Relationship Manager for B&FC. Working with large organisations to help upskill current workforce, create new skills pipeline or add additional skills
4 年Mark, your article is wonderfully thought provoking, beautifully written and eye opening. I hadn't realised that there was still this hard and fast rule with regards to blood donating, but I'm pleased to hear that they are changing the rules..... finally.