Why Coercing or Bribing Your Kids to Eat Can Backfire

When you've taken the time to prepare a meal, it’s tempting to pressure, coerce, or bribe your kids to eat. This response is understandable, but it's shortsighted.

Why It Matters:

Pressuring your kids can harm their long-term relationship with food. Instead of becoming independently driven, they may develop negative feelings about meals.

Let's Talk Math

If you followed the American Academy of Pediatric's recommendations and started feeding your kids at 6 months and then stopped feeding them the moment they turned 18, do you know how many meals you have to make?

Don't do the math. I'll tell you.

18,690.

Eighteen-thousand, six-hundred and ninety.

18,000 times you have to plan for, shop for, prepare, serve, and clean up from breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Not to mention the SNACKS!

Even with some outsourcing and breaks (school handles lunch, forget about weekend, one night a week you get tack-out ....) you're still on the hook for 4,500 meals.

Yes, that represents A LOT of meals you have to make.

It also represents A LOT of opportunities to positively influence your kids' eating habits.

Seeing this number - 18,690, I realized something critical. Something that helped me feel less stress about any single meal: Heathy, conscientious eaters develop over decades not dinners.

So What Should You Do Instead?

Be Patient: Remember, you have more time than you might think, and it's more important that you focus on long-term habits you want to support, not what your kids are eating at any given meal. (PS - this does not mean that what they eat at any single meal isn't important ... but it your long-term goals should always be top of mind).

Build a Relationship: Help your kids think about food positively. Give them language to consider how it feels in their bodies and what kinds of flavors, textures, and meals they like, are curious about, and are still learning to like.

Practice Tasting: Encourage them to try new foods regularly but without pressure. Pressuring them to taste foods is very likely to backfire. Kids who are forced to taste or eat are less likely to choose those foods later, when they are not forced to eat them.

Offer Variety: Present a variety of foods and let your kids choose what they want to try. It's important that you regularly offer new foods over and over again ... without pressure to actually eat! Kids need to be exposed to foods at least 15 times before it's familiar enough for them to try without a fuss.

Be a Role Model: Eat a variety of foods yourself. Kids learn by watching you. The science on this is vey clear: if you want your kids to have a particular food habit, you need to be working to develop it as well.

Make Meals Pleasant: Create a calm and enjoyable mealtime atmosphere without distractions. Eating in front of screens is associated with overconsumption and eating in the absence of hunger. What's more, mealtime is a valuable time to connect with your kids - use it to learn about their day, their friends, and their thoughts and feelings!

Respect Their Appetite: Trust that your kids know when they are hungry or full. Avoid forcing them to eat. I know this can be hard, but give your self permission to practice this skill. It's also ok to set boundaries with your kids. Before they leave the table, remind them that there won't be another opportunity to eat until [you set the time]. Then stick to that!

Involve Your Kids: Invite your kids help with meal planning and preparation. This can increase their interest in trying new foods, it gives you valuable time together, and it helps build their skills. (If you have young kids, I do advise inviting them into the kitchen when you know you'll have time ... cooking with kids is not a way to get dinner on the table quickly!)

Key Takeaway

Next time you feel frustrated with how your kids are eating at any given meal, take a breath. What your kids eat at any particular meal, and how you respond, is not as important as how you respond to all meals overtime.

And remember, you have many more chances to help your kids develop a healthy relationship with food.