Why the Childs Voice is so important
Why the child’s voice is so important in family law matters.
As someone who's worked with children for many years, it amazed me how little credit was given to the child's voice when I started to work in family law. When we talk about the child's voice in family law, we are describing the?genuine?involvement of children and young people in legal proceedings. This means more than just seeking their views, which could mean the child saying whatever they want. Instead, they are?involved in what happens and what the outcomes are to the entire proceedings.
In every aspect of working with children, we seek the child's views that we're working with. I've been involved in case conferences of children that have been removed from their families. I??insist a photo of the child is centered on the table to ensure that the focus is on the child at all times. When I was working in Nauru with families seeking asylum and who had been granted asylum status, we always had a specialist child interpreter to ensure that there was an independent voice of the child present when discussing the family. When working with children who had found themselves in the criminal justice system, they were considered and taken into account by the court when decisions were made regarding their sentencing and conditions.
However, when I began in Family Law, seeking and actively including the child's voice in proceedings was entirely foreign and almost something to be avoided by legal practitioners. However, it's imperative to provide children a voice during child custody disputes, and we must consider their opinion and consider their position if the outcomes of family law proceedings are to have longevity and success once all the legal practitioners have left the building.?
Often parents taking into consideration the child's voice can dramatically change the outcome of negotiations. I once had parents come into my office determined that the outcome of proceedings suited their needs, which were opposite to each parent. Both parties felt that it was?
it was utterly unnecessary to include the child's voice as they were convinced that their plan would work if they could get the other parent onboard.???I've always insisted that family law proceedings include the child's voice, and I interviewed the two children.
?The children were great fun, and they contributed to the drawings that were all over my office wall, beat me at hangman, and succeeded in annihilating me in about 12 games of UKNOW. These kids were well adjusted, and they knew that their parents separated, and when it came to it, they felt that this was the best thing for the whole family. They knew that the parents didn't like each other. They knew that when their parents were separate that they were happier. And they, therefore, knew that when the parents were separated, the whole family was happier. The children did, however, have one concern. Their concern was based on change over. Now, this isn't an area that was a surprise to me. This is an area that often comes up as a concern for children. The children admitted that they made changeover extremely difficult for both parents. They were determined, they told me, to make a change over as difficult, as painful, and disruptive to their parents as it was to them. When I asked the children why they felt this, they told me their distress at taking all of their clothes and belongings with them to school on Friday and then again to school on Monday.??
The changeover happened like this as both parents were determined that they would not see each other while the children changed over care. This meant the children took 50% of their belongings to school on Friday and then returned to school on Monday. The result of this was mayhem for parents. Both parents were convinced that the other was alienating and purposely working against them.???However, after talking to the children, it was evident that this was not the problem. Instead, the problem was that the children had to carry all their belongings around with them at school. Let's face it, there's nothing that a child wants to do.
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When I presented the parents with this information, they were relieved. They were relieved to hear that their children were quite pleased that they had separated and could see that this was the best thing for the parents and the whole family. They're also relieved and surprised that the entire problem at the beginning and the end of each family visit for each parent was because the children had to carry their belongings with them to school. Within 2 minutes, the parents came out with an alternative that worked for them and the children. This then changed the projectory of the negotiation between the parents as they could see that they could quickly agree. It also focused the negotiation on the needs of the children. It also clarified to both parents that they were doing an outstanding job, raising good and well-adjusted children and could do this together if they just continued to listen to them.
When I tell parents that part of my practice is always to include the child's voice, undoubtedly, one will raise concerns that the other parent will feed them the child information to say. It's tough for the children to remember what their parents told them to say when they laugh, paint, and play games. I did have a child come in one day holding his breath. He was holding his breath, and he had a very concerned book on his face. When my office door shut, he let out his breath and recited what was a coached request to stay with one parent rather than the other. He then took a big breath, sat down, looked at me and smiled, and started to play. We had a great session. We made a lot of mess, blew bubbles, and did some great art that revealed to both parents in a later session as demonstrated to them the effect of this parental alienation on their child. I can promise you that it's evident to practitioners when a child is being coached as to what to say.
At Family and Child Consultants, we always include the child's voice in our family law matters. Child inclusive family law proceedings allow children to explain how things are going for them. It can be a relief for children to express their views to a person who is not involved in any conflict that the family might be experiencing. Children often say they feel relieved and?
lighter after having the chance to talk to someone who is not a parent. I can confidently say that I've never been involved in family legal proceedings that have included the child's voice, and which was not better for it.?
Niki Gent is the Principal Consultant and Managing Director of Family and Child Consultants and specialises in working with families through Significant Incidents like those mentioned above. Niki prides herself on an honest, and no thrills approach to working with families who don't know where to begin when things go wrong. Niki has a degree in Criminal Justice (Honours), a Master of Social Work, and an MBA. Nikki has over 17 years of experience working nationally and internationally in criminal justice, family law, and child protection.