Why is character important in raising a 16-24-yr-old male?

Why is character important in raising a 16-24-yr-old male? Quite simply, society suffers from droves of young men not understanding this easy, yet powerful principle because there is very little motivating them to do good. And, without good parenting, many have become a part of an aimless group with passion, but who are lacking a moral compass.

For a large majority, this is generating great turmoil in their lives, as well as others.    

I was reminded about the importance of young men having character when I went to a local high school in Spokane to promote the 8th Annual No Fear in Love Race. The environment seemed different than I recalled: these kids appeared depressed, agitated, and disorganized.   

A group of fellas approached the table at first to get the candy. They were able to communicate, but had earphones in one ear, and with the background music it was hard to hear. Kindly, I requested if they would take them off to have a discussion, and respectfully they did.

It seemed as if they were hungry for having a different conversation.

The gentlemen thought the mission of the race was “cool,” but became even more intrigued when I said it was dedicated to them, 16-24-year-olds. They asked why. I informed them that my research and informal inquiry showed me that often people their age make decisions from the wrong place because they do not know their value; or ‘what they bring to the table.’ 

From my years of coaching and counseling, I realized that many of the problems with my male clients stemmed from this phenomenon. This got their attention, and they wanted me to name specific behaviors from my practice such as: drug use, cutting, anxiety, depression, and trauma for starters.

The young men were very interested and began motioning that this was indeed their experience.  

For illustration purposes, I used the Greek word for character to teach this concept. I told them its origin was charrsein, which means to leave a mark, and it is where we get the term charcoal. Then, I gave them an example they would understand. 

I asked them about the differences between a McDonald’s hamburger, and one that is cooked on the grill? They had a few different answers, but eventually with a few hints, the leader guy said, “oh, yeah, it has those thick black burnt lines.”

When they finally understood the parallels between having character and impact in the world, these gentlemen experienced a profound shift in their thinking. One proceeded to tweet my words, and said, “I want to leave a mark,” as the others nodded in unison.

This group declaration showed me that their current lifestyle was not in the least satisfying, and their other male peers may have a similar desire.  

So, if you feel too, that your 16-24-yr-old needs some support with his character development, these “Why is character important in raising a 16-24-yr-old male?” tips should help.

• Model character. Ask yourself if you like who you are seeing, or if there are some improvements needed.
• Auto Correct. When you make a mistake, say so. It is character building to admit when you have blown it, and this admittance gives your 16-24-yr-old permission to do the same.
• Inspire good character. Speak to him as if he was already acting respectfully, and when he does what is right, applaud for specific efforts.
• Brain storm. With your son, think about all the possibilities where he could practice having character, and turn it into a fun adventure.   
• Cultivate. Provide him with actual experiences that encourage good character such as: volunteering, being neighborly, or offering to help someone else without reciprocity. 

After reading this post, I hope that you have seen your 16-24-yr-old, as well as his peers, may need support in developing character; especially in this age of disrespect. And, it may take something as simple as a conversation to engage him and them on this most important life transforming journey.

Thank you for reading.   

Researcher’s Bio

Karen Bontrager helps 16-24-year-old men make permanent shifts in their behavior from merely surviving in life to thriving through transparent coaching/counseling in one-on-one conversations and in group work, and through topic sensitive workshops. With this ontological approach, I partner with my clients to discover their essence, (aka highest and best self) by powerfully reflecting and listening to them. My clients quickly learn how to generate self-awareness and to voice their own relationship needs in a clear, constructive way by learning key coaching techniques/evidenced based counseling approaches/tools to work past their traumatic events and addictions to move forward. The clients are then equipped to develop healthy relationships with key relationships: parents/siblings/friends, and with intimate dating partners because they have learned how to proactively use their voice.