Why change is so hard for you

I'm fascinated by change culture, especially from a leadership perspective. Trying to implement a change in any team can be tricky. Many of us like to believe that we are always happy to try a new way of doing things if it improves how we do things at present. This could be new process, a new IT system or even a new management structure.

At The Well-Led Practice , the ethos is one of developing agile teams - constantly seeking feedback from everyone to drive the organisation forward. We want our culture to be inclusive and for everyone to take accountability. And the new CQC approach is moving on from "show us your policies" to "show us how you know they are working." In essence, that means getting feedback from your team...and acting on it.

But before we even get to that, its worth self-reflecting if you yourself could be preventing change. Yes, you. We are all guilty of this, and the reasons are not always obvious. Reflecting on this myself reminded me of a book I have gone back to around this topic: Immunity to Change - by Richard Kegan and Lisa Lahey. It might be old, but the content is gold.

In this book, Kegan and Lahey argue that real change isn’t about willpower or motivation. It’s about recognising the psychological “immune system” we all have—a defence mechanism designed to keep us safe but that often stops us from making progress. Their core idea? We’re not stuck because we’re lazy or unmotivated. We’re stuck because we’re subconsciously protecting ourselves from risks that only feel threatening. When we’re willing to look at what’s really holding us back, we can finally start breaking through those invisible barriers.

The “Immunity” Keeping Us Stuck

Let’s say you’ve been trying to be more open to feedback, but every time someone offers advice, you bristle or shut down. Kegan and Lahey would say this isn’t just a matter of “trying harder” to be open. Deep down, there’s a hidden reason you’re resistant—maybe you’re protecting a belief that “showing vulnerability makes me look weak” or “I have to look like I know it all to be respected.” That belief acts like an immunity, protecting you from perceived harm but, at the same time, holding you back.

Immunity to Change walks you through the process of uncovering these hidden beliefs and assumptions. It’s almost like a guided self-investigation, where you map out what’s really behind your actions. These beliefs—what Kegan and Lahey call “big assumptions”—are often so deeply ingrained that we don’t even realise they’re there. Yet, once we identify them, we can start addressing them.

Trying Out Small, Real-World Experiments

After unearthing these hidden commitments, the book suggests a straightforward approach to change: test your assumptions with small experiments. If you believe “sharing a weakness will make me look incompetent,” try revealing a minor vulnerability in a safe setting, like with a trusted friend or colleague. Notice what actually happens, and see if your belief holds up.

Over time, these experiments help shift your mindset and start breaking down those inner defences. This approach is gentle and realistic because it’s not about forcing change but about gently testing and challenging the assumptions that hold you back. It’s almost as if you’re rewiring your brain to see that the things you feared aren’t really dangerous at all.

Why It Matters for Leaders—and Anyone Who Wants to Grow

What’s especially powerful about this book is that it doesn’t just apply to individuals. Leaders can use these techniques to transform teams. In any group, whether it’s a team at work or a family, there are collective fears and hidden commitments that can keep people stuck. By using the same framework, teams can begin to name and address these fears together. That’s when real change happens—not just for individuals but for entire groups. Imagine working in a place where everyone is encouraged to be vulnerable, take risks, and face their fears together. That’s the potential impact of Kegan and Lahey’s work.

So, what hidden behaviours are holding you back from change?