Why Change Feels Impossible (Even When We Want It)

Why is change so hard—even when we want it? Resisting unwanted change is understandable. But why do we falter when we’re actually keen to change?

Psychologist Robert Kegan has spent decades exploring this. His work on adult development and Immunity to Change has helped people and organisations uncover what really holds them back.

The Invisible Barriers

Kegan, a long-time Harvard professor, studied why people get stuck. Along with Lisa Lahey, he developed the Immunity to Change framework. Their idea: we don’t just fail to change—we defend ourselves against it, often without realising.

Take a manager who says they want to delegate more. Sounds reasonable. But they still micromanage and double-check everything. Why? Because deep down, they fear losing control—or being seen as weak.

Kegan and Lahey offer a tool called the Immunity Map. It helps us dig out those hidden fears and limiting beliefs.

4 Simple Steps to Break the “Immunity to Change”

1. Pick a goal – Choose something important to you that you’ve struggled to change.

2. Spot the behaviours – List what you do that works against your goal.

3. Uncover competing commitments – Identify the unspoken fears driving those behaviours.

4. Name the big assumptions – Find the deep beliefs you’re treating as truth.

These steps don’t magically fix everything—but they make the invisible, visible. And that’s a strong start. As Kegan says, “People don’t resist change. They resist loss.”

Change Needs the Right Environment

You can’t grow in isolation. Real change needs a culture that supports it.

Kegan and his co-authors introduced the idea of Deliberately Developmental Organisations (DDOs) in An Everyone Culture. These are companies that build personal growth into everyday work—not as an optional extra, but as a core part of the job.

They focus on three things:

1. The Edge – Step outside the comfort zone

This is about surfacing your blind spots and working on them. Not in private, but in full view. It’s a culture where people are encouraged to face their weaknesses and stretch themselves. You’re not expected to be perfect, but to keep working at it.

2. The Groove – Daily routines that reinforce learning

Growth isn’t just about big breakthroughs. It’s also in the grind. Regular check-ins, feedback loops, reflection exercises, and shared rituals create a rhythm. These grooves turn development into a habit—not a one-off event.

3. The Home – A safe and trusting community

This is what makes the Edge and Groove possible. Without psychological safety, there’s no honesty. A DDO builds a workplace where people can admit mistakes, ask for help, and still feel respected. It’s not a ‘nice to have’—it’s essential for real change.

Letting Go to Move Forward

Kegan’s work flips the script. Change isn’t just about pushing harder. It’s about seeing what you’re afraid to lose—and deciding whether it’s really worth holding on to.

So, what might you need to let go of? A belief? A fear? A story about who you need to be?

Time to find out. And start again—on purpose this time.

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