Why Celebrating My Son’s Adoption Means Supporting Other Adoptive Parents

Our family loves to celebrate birthdays and one member of the crew even gets two special days. That’s because our son, the youngest of our three children, was adopted, so every year we recognize his actual birthday as well as his adoption day six months later when he officially became a Dorsey in March 2008.

The memories and pictures from Adoption Day are priceless. Relatives from both sides of our family joined us at Family Court in Providence, Rhode Island. There were lots of smiles and a few tears. The judge even agreed to be in our big group photo.

Our son is now approaching 16. Time flies, as any parent knows! And, while there are other milestones to celebrate—a driver’s license, most immediately and, all too soon, a graduation—when his Adoption Day rolls around we still honor it. That used to mean cake and ice cream. Lately it’s dinner out. Our family text chat gets filled up with photos from that memorable day. His was an open adoption from the beginning so our son has always known and embraced the fact that he was adopted. He has a wonderful relationship with his birth family and relishes having three grandmothers (which, of course, means getting extra presents, love and support).

Each year we give thanks for our son and for all the people who supported us in our adoption journey. My wife and I do our best to pay that forward, as do many others like us.

That’s one of the reasons why I have chosen to be involved in Fidelity’s Employee Resource Groups (ERGs), particularly RAISE, which focuses on families. Every kind of family faces challenges, so there are subgroups within RAISE for single parents, employees caring for elderly parents or disabled loved ones, and more.

The latest U.S. Census data(1) says there are more than 4.6 million children in the United States who were adopted by their “forever families.” And more than 115,000 children are adopted each year.(2) With those stats, it should come as no surprise that there are many adoptive parents at Fidelity, and last year we created a group to discuss the unique problems that we face. We meet via small-group video calls, and people from all over Fidelity’s global operations have been jumping in.

Something struck me after a few of these meetings: Though laws and policies for adoptions vary by state and country, no matter what challenge or issue anyone in our group brought up—how to talk to kids about adoption, for instance, or managing relationships with birth parents—someone else in the group had experienced or worked through the same thing or something similar. Our discussions are enormously useful, and the emotional support is incredibly gratifying. There are many ways to make a family, and it helps to have your colleagues and peers offering their insights and experiences about the journey.

Community comes in many forms, of course—family, neighbors, faith communities, and so on—and corporate support for adoptive families has come a long way. And though employer-based efforts will never be the only (or even primary) source of support, for me Fidelity ERGs are indispensable.

But since even the “easiest” adoption can be a grueling and expensive process, Fidelity does more than facilitate discussion—it offers substantial benefits: 12 weeks paid leave for adoptive parents, and financial assistance of between $5,000 and $40,000, depending on the circumstances. I’m so glad to have an employer that recognizes adoption as the important life event that it is.

We’re in a great place as a family. And I’m enjoying the privilege of helping others navigate their own challenges, knowing how much we benefited from all those people who were—and continue to be—supportive of my family and my son in so many ways. I’m the first to say it: We didn’t get here alone and I’ll be forever grateful to family, friends and colleagues—and Fidelity—for all their help.

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(1) Adopted Children and Stepchildren: 2010 Population Characteristics, Rose M. Kreider and Daphne A. Lofquist, U.S. Census Bureau, issued April 2014.

(2) Adoption by the Numbers, National Council for Adoption, 2022.

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