Why Can't We Make Change?
Toni M. Bubb ~ Professional Lover of Life?
Slow living is the new hustle | Building the Life Changer Foundation | ?? Follow along as I share my process, stories, and key insights.
I haven’t written in a while so bear with me. I’ve never been one who can write on a schedule, as what I write is inspired by the events and circumstances in my life.
I take the weekends to wind down, self-reflect and look deeper into myself. Sometimes, this is extremely difficult for me because I am a very active person, who enjoys interacting with people, staying busy and being productive. But, I’ve found there is a lot of value in forcing myself to take this time to just be.
Today I asked God, “What are you trying to teach me, and why am I feeling these feelings?”
Have you ever felt so close to something, you just knew it was there but, couldn’t figure out why it just hadn’t happened yet? I’ve felt this feeling several times, and step by step the things, people and circumstances my heart desires have eventually come into my life. BUT.
There is always a BUT.
The more I speak with people, and listen to their stories, the more I have discovered there is one very common thread among us all. Some label it fear, some say they are not good enough, have low-self esteem, or low self confidence, not worthy or lack self-love. But, I believe it’s much deeper than that.
There is something we are all holding on to, and usually it’s pain. The pain, is like a soft, cozy blanket that makes us feel safe and warm. If anyone were to ask us if we are purposely holding onto this pain, many of us would say, “Hell no!” And that’s exactly why it’s that vice, that habit, that sad movie you continue to watch, or song you continue to listen to that makes you cry...that we hold on to.
We just can’t let it go. BUT why?
It has become a part of who we are. It is part of our identity. Without it who would be be? We say we learn from the past, yet most of us want to continue to predict the future by living our lives out like our pasts. We try to practice being in the present moment, but can’t seem to control our thoughts for longer than 10 seconds. We want to control our thoughts and “Be POSITIVE!”, we want to change, but we are not willing to take the time to just be in silence.
We are scared of this place.
What will I learn here. I already know what I need to do, I’m at the final stage of the race, and if I could just conquer this one thing, all would be well. I will be enlightened, one with God, at peace! Finally FREE!
Yet, we avoid it like the plague. We eat the shitty food, watch the crappy TV, work our assess off to earn the money. The money is used to impress the girl or be the girl, who has fake boobs, eyelashes, hair and more, to find this thing we call happiness, with people who aren’t even being real in the first place. So, what’s the point of being in these dramatic relationships that add more headache and stress to your life? Your life that is stressful and overwhelming because there is never enough time in the day because of how you choose to spend your time, and who you choose to spend your time with. It all just causes more pain.
We have surface level conversations, and are afraid to express our emotions but, want people to treat us like gold and bend over backwards for us. We want to hear the, “Good jobs,” and “You are awesome”, and “I love you,” we want others to commit to us, and pick up the phone when we need them, but aren’t willing to do the the same in return. We use and abuse each other, and cause each other pain, and that pain is what keeps us up at night tossing and turning or talking with our friends and family. Because at the end of the day, who would you be without that pain?
And that’s what your body wants. It want’s more pain, IT IS ADDICTED TO IT. YOU are addicted to it. And without it you would be lost.You wouldn’t be YOU.
This is going to be the hardest thing to do in your life. To let go of this pain that you have held onto for so long. BUT you need to fucking do it!
As I sat with God today, I asked him, “What are you trying to teach me, and why am I feeling these feelings?”
He told me it was going to be hard, the hardest thing I have ever done. And that I would need to keep trying, and trying and trying. But, I needed to let go of the pain. It is no longer useful in my life. It has brought me to where I am today, and it’s time to leave it behind so, that I can truly help others to let go of their pain.
Will I be perfect? No. Will I continue to fail at trying. Maybe. And I’m OK with that. But, it’s time to let go of the pain. To step up and create a new present that isn’t based off of my pain from the past or worries of the future.
Are you willing to step into the unknown with me? Take His hand and let Him guide you.
The reason you can’t make change is because you are holding onto the pain. Are you ready to let go?
Toni Bubb - Professional Lover of Life
Consultant
6 年Hey There Toni... Sorry, I just saw this post of yours... Maybe a follow-up would interest your followers? Why can't we change? We see obstacles as impassable, endless things... And we fail to see the silver linings within those obstacles... I have had cancer my whole life - 40+ years, 800+ surgeries to keep it in check, so far, with no end in these weekly to monthly surgeries in sight. My "Nuisance Routine" as I call it - and we all have those... The silver lining? As I often say, "I wish everyone had cancer FOR A DAY! We would have a very different world from that day forward. "Survivors" know better what is important in life, and what is not. And THAT is the silver lining. It supports my motto - that I recently shared with the Mesothelioma Organization, that they have now shared with their followers... "We must keep living around the worst that life can throw at us... The moment that we become nothing but a patient - or the family or friend of a patient, the 'Disease' - whatever it is - wins at that moment." If you check out my profile, I have accomplished a few things by, at first, side-stepping my obstacle. My surgeons have always told me that I am the only patient they have that jokes with them WHILE they are working on me... Humor is very healing... Then by discovering that I could step over and past my obstacle, "just for fun" - to bring fun back into it all... Then by wanting things that I was not willing to let any obstacle keep me from in life. There have been failures, and things that I have not accomplished - yet... Sometimes by choice. But in spite of the obstacles I have accomplished as much as most people have around their obstacles.
Investor / Operator HOGARTH PROPERTY - provider of luxury serviced furnished offices for discerning entrepreneurs.
6 年When it comes to reflective thinking each of us comes from a different place. Early life influences such as the way we looked, or thought that we looked to others, when we were teenagers, may have a lifetime effect. Some of us are permanently scarred. Some not. And it is probably those who think about where they went 'wrong' who suffer the most. If we worry about how others perceive us to be then we are doomed to a life of self imposed doubt. On the other hand if we develop into being fatalist epicureans. Accepting every situation for what it is, while savouring the moment, then we are likely to live an untroubled life. Quite how one would neutralise the worms self doubt I do not know since I have never really encountered them. But I would suggest that giving thought to the plight and concerns of others may help.
Vice President Human Resources
6 年Toni M Bubb- When I am reading my subconscious mind started relating to things which are not seen, but felt, experienced by all of us at one point of time or many a time. But the cardinal principle of life is without pain there is no gain. We are all aware of it. There is pain everywhere. It is with ?in us to excel and get more comforts, with in us to present our best when you go for an interview, with in the family to cherish the shared values, and with in the society in bringing an equitable order. But the underlying question is proportion of pain to probable gains. Here comes the imbalance, here comes the greed and distorted ratios. ?As you said that " body wants it" because it is addicted to it. ?As we all can relate that addiction is our desires, wants and needs to get more, get the best and satisfaction is relative to every one. ?The pain will continue to haunt us, it will continue to linger with in us, so long as we suffer from the excessive greed and hallucinations of materialistic supremacy. ? As long as this rat race continues ?as the motivator, the mind will not have peace though it will tolerate the Pain for a premium called pleasure. Thank you for bring such a wonderful thought provoking debate.