Why Can't We Ask For Help?
Before GPS, it was widely posited that men would not ask for driving directions. I was one such man
Most of us are reticent to ask for help as a general rule
Networking is literally asking other people for help
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The exchange of information or services among individuals, groups, or institutions specifically : the cultivation of productive relationships for employment or business
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Note the word “exchange” in the definition above. We’ll come back to that
Then networking is a skill, in my opinion a critical one, that requires us to go against our own human nature
Hmm…
What drives our reticence to ask for help?
In my experience there are many reasons that we don’t ask for help.
We may feel like asking for help is humbling ourselves, admitting a mistake, or admitting ignorance.
We might feel like we are bothering the person we are asking
Maybe we fear being denied help or said no to.
By observation I think it’s mostly the fear of the unknown. We don’t know how to ask for help because we have not practiced asking for help enough
Like you, I get asked for help every day here on LinkedIn (among other places).
And most of the time I say no. But not because I’m a heartless asshole
It’s because of two things
1. The timing
2. The selfish nature of the ask
In most cases in order to get someone to help you,they need to be available to do so and they need a reason to help you
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Almost all of the people I say no to lead with the ask. They have no idea who I am and they have no idea whether I am available or interested
Think about that. How selfish. How presumptuous. Stupid too
Also by observation, it is my opinion that most people want to help. Most people like to help…if they can.
They can when they have time and when they have the answers
If they’re not available and or don’t know, they can’t help. But if your timing is right and they do know, they will…if
You give them a reason to. This is where the juice is. I think this is the key to successful networking
Here on LinkedIn, it’s simply a 3 or 4 step process. You can apply the same principles off line with some minor conditional nuance
Introduction and familiarity through observation
Sincere compliment or additional observation
Suggestion or answer
Ask
Familiarity, trust and reciprocity
Once you have established these three things in any way you can, your ask begins to make sense
Introduce, establish credibility and return the favor with something of value to them
Now “no” is unlikely. Fear fades, humility and ignorance become irrelevant. Now helping makes sense
One last simple but powerful suggestion if you want the ask to be for a person’s name and contact info…don’t say “do you know anyone else I should talk to?? Say “who else do you know”
Peace
My good friend?Jim?and I have a podcast we have fun with called?“The Imperfect Mens Club Podcast”. We talk about our life and business experiences and have a few laughs
If you want to chat about what has you stuck professionally, that’s what I do.?Grab a slot on my calendar?and let’s see if/how I can help
If you’re struggling with your job search and having trouble getting in front of decision makers, you may want to check out my workbook?“How To Get In Front Of Decision Makers”