Why ‘building trust’ is a myth that needs busting

Absolutely, Rachel! Your insights on the dynamics of trust and power in relationships are spot-on. It's intriguing how the assumption of deserving trust just because one is in charge can be a stumbling block. Trust, as you rightly point out, is a complex interplay of perceptions and reciprocation.

To earn trust, a leader can be vulnerable by acknowledging his dearth of knowledge in certain areas and relying on team Members to stand in the gap. That way, the ‘Superman’ tag on leaders becomes debunked and they become human like everyone else.

Hey Rachel, to me, this is one of your most profound revelations yet. And how many people - perhaps understandably - allow themselves to be manipulated into 'trusting' those who are merely playing a 'long game', i.e. BEHAVING as trustworthy until they gauge that they have acquired the trust of others, but with a long-term goal of pulling a 'switch' at some point, and 'catching out' those who have misplaced their trust in them.. I could name some exquisite examples of this in recent years! I love also your promoting that book on Cancel Culture not being a good way to acquire trust (IMHO the understatement of the century!) Thanks for all you do, you're inspirational to say the least

Rachel Botsman, I think I'm missing something in your thinking about how "building trust" is a power-over move while "earning trust" is power-with. To me, "building trust" is simply a way of talking about the process in which one person extends, or gives trust to another (hopefully wisely) and simultaneously reciprocates by behaving in ways the other will assess is worthy of their trust. It's a two-way street and both directions require attention to behavior. Yes, just because I believe I'm trustworthy doesn't mean others see me that way. To be trustworthy in context of any given relationship I have to some idea what trustworthy behavior looks like to the other person/people and then act accordingly to the extent I can sincerely do so. I also have to extend trust which takes paying attention to what I assess as trustworthy or not in the other person's behavior. One very good way to recognize what trust-building and trust-damaging behaviors are for individuals and on teams is to talk openly and productively about it. That, to me, is the power-with move. I'm still not sure if we simply disagree about semantics or if there is something I'm missing, but I appreciate the opportunity to think about it.

Trust requires certainty. Listening to the uttering of a person's words doesn't develop confidence and trust in a person. It is a repetition of acts demonstrated over time that reveals if a person values honesty, integrity, and moral character. It is qualities characteristic of a person that become the noteworthy bedrock of who they are, and it is those foundational qualities that must be established if a person desires to become trustworthy. As another writer advised, trust must be earned.