Why Brilliant Women Fear & Sabotage Next-Level Success: Trauma Patterns Explained

I was a workaholic for many years.?

It was one of the most painful periods of my life.?

I was not okay. 90 pounds more than I am today. Pre-diabetic. Depressed. Anxious.?

Working on an empty tank. Going to bed too late. Abandoning my body.?

This was an expression of the trauma of a lifetime of not feeling safe.?

And as a sensitive human who’s been through a lot, my work felt like a way to gain safety and control in a chaotic often harsh world.?

It took a lot of therapy, healing, crying, dancing, and a bunch of other stuff to heal.?

I had the most money I’d ever had but I was so scared, running, never feeling “safe” enough and working myself to exhaustion every day for years.?

After recovering my health both physically and spiritually, I stored the memory of this chronic self-betrayal in my body.?

The lesson I internalized was, “NEVER again push past your limits and harm yourself.”

But this led to inner conflicts—I’m a naturally ambitious, visionary woman here to learn, expand, and build. I’m growing a powerful online sales school and a movement. Navigating the line between expansion and self-care has been incredibly difficult at moments, bringing up the memory of past pain.?

This resistance to next-level success wasn’t due to a lack of competence but a delicate inner negotiation. Budgeting how much to work & grow, how fast. With the backdrop of fear of repeating past harms that undermined my self-trust for a good while.?

It’s not about “just doing it.” I “did just it” once, pushing past my body and heart’s cries for care and it nearly broke me. I wasn’t okay.

Do you see how haphazardly throwing women reductive cliches can actually harm and retraumatize them?

These vague sayings are no substitute for genuine care and healing work.

Here's the thing: If you want women’s money, you need to care about their well-being.

Bypassing trauma with superficial quick fixes does them a major disservice.

And leaves them feeling ashamed, blaming themselves.

I am in the business of emboldening women experts to close bigger deals as a result of deepening their self-love and confidence. We go through healing processes and corrective experiences to allow greater success. To make success safer for women. Their ability to close bigger deals is a SYMPTOM of greater inner safety.?

If you too are in the business of helping women succeed, you must solve the right problem.?

Many are not.?

Most team leaders, group leaders are solving the wrong problem.?

And your clients’ & team members’ success are suffering as a result.?

I must critique programs that overlook the depth of women's suffering— excellent at selling to women but not excellent at serving women.?

How do we stimulate more success and better results??

We need to understand the trauma memories that live in women’s bodies.

Deep down, there's a sense that greater success brings painful consequences—whether those fears are imagined or real.

It is difficult to surpass a level of success that you don’t feel safe with.?

There are many legitimate reasons a woman may not feel safe to succeed on a higher level.?

Making peace with the imagined outcomes of success.?

Not all outcomes are desirable.?

Fear of success is real.?

I call these fear fantasies and with my clients, we make these anxieties explicit and look at them with curiosity and tenderness.?

Self-sabotage is a misnomer; it's actually a person's struggle to "win" the inner negotiation in the direction of growth.?

Something is lost but something is also gained.?

To trade growth for security is understandable.?

It is a weighing of seemingly conflicted but equally legitimate needs.??

There is a conflict.?

To ignore these conflicts and say “just do it” ignores the crucial inner conversation.?

I help high achieving women navigate this inner negotiation with self-love.?

As opposed to ignoring, avoiding, bypassing (which only creates more shame, isolation, self-sabotage and anxiety), we address this inner conflict head on.?

For example?

More Money

• Benefit: Financial freedom. More choice.?
• Consequence: Pressure to sustain it. Fear of mismanaging it. Guilt. Jealousy. Losing sense of belonging with tribe.?

More Visibility

• Benefit: Wider reach. More recognition. More leads.
• Consequence: Criticism. Judgment. Being rejected. Undermined. Feeling unworthy. Loss of privacy.

More Freedom

• Benefit: Flexibility. More control over time.?
• Consequence: Greater responsibility. Fear of screwing up. Pressure

Increased Influence & Higher Status

• Benefit: Ability to impact others. Create change. Respect. Recognition.?
• Consequence: Pressure. Criticism. Fear of failing publicly. Envy. Loneliness from fewer “real” connections.?

More Opportunities

• Benefit: Expanded options. New experiences.
• Consequence: Pressure to make the “right” choices. Overwhelm. Anxiety over unknowns.

Personal Growth

• Benefit: Self-improvement.?
• Consequence: Loss of old identity. Outgrowing/ losing relationships.

Past traumatic or painful experiences have shown women that happiness, success, or joy lead to negative consequences—like being punished, criticized, or rejected. These memories create a deep fear of facing the same alienation or rejection again, causing them to hold back.

The constant barrage of “you’re too much,” “you’re not enough,” and “who do you think you are?” harms women’s ability to value themselves, and can be especially ruthless towards those who are visible minorities, of different ages or neurodiverse.

This relentless criticism—and often outright bullying—discourages women from pursuing higher levels of success and visibility. The conflicts persist—be safe or be successful? These impossible trade-offs create a constant tension that slows everything down.

If a woman can't mentally win this inner negotiation, she won’t allow herself to rise above her current level. A ceiling. A capped threshold.?

That’s where I come in. I am gifted at unlocking women’s next-level success in sales and confidence—not through superficial fixes or empty clichés, but with a deep understanding of these inner conflicts.

I’m now licensing my confidence tools and trainings to leaders who know there are critical missing gaps in their programs and are ready to elevate their teams and clients to a whole other level. Message me to inquire.?

Ultimately, their success is your success. Give them what they need to win.