Why boundaries could be the solution to overworking & overwhelm
Sha-En Yeo (MAPP, CSP)
Happiness Scientist | 2x TEDx Speaker | President, Asia Professional Speakers Singapore | Clients: VISA, Google, TikTok, RBC
Have you ever said “yes” when you really wanted to say “no”? Responded to your boss's text in the middle of night because you were afraid they'd think less of you? Agreed to the take on a colleague’s task even though your own project is half-completed?
If so, you may be needing to look into your workplace boundaries, or the lack thereof.?
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits you create to protect yourself from overcommitting, being used or behaving in an unethical way.?
You might have noticed a trend, particularly in our Asian culture, that seems to glorify busyness - when you are busy, you’re seen as productive and useful.
“It comes down to Asian culture and mentality. We work more hours, bosses need more visibility and facetime, and you have to be responsive. This work ethic has been around for decades in Singapore so one hard and fast rule will not work.”
- Ms Angela Kuek, director of recruitment firm Meyer Consulting Group
In an economy where competition is strife, the quest for productivity can be heightened to the impossible goal of perfectionism.
However, humans are not made to be work machines and glorification of overworking can leave people overwhelmed and in a state of constant reaction to others’ non-stop requests.? Given that this is actually not helpful, why do people find it so hard to enforce their boundaries?
The Difficulties In Upholding Workplace Boundaries
People pleasing
For some it could simply be people-pleasing. They lack the ability or courage to say “no”. This need for external validation can lead to a persistent “yes”, regardless of one’s own needs. For others, it can actually be the lack of skills - to reject work or requests - even if they have very legitimate reasons.?
For example, fulfilling a client’s task, on your laptop, while in hospital - because a loved one suffered an accident. Choosing not to take your entitled 4 months maternity leave because colleagues repeatedly asked “when are you coming back?”
These are real-life situations where an employee may feel subtly coerced into placing work above other, clearly more important life needs.?
Enjoyment of meaningful work
On a slightly less negative note, is the natural and healthy desire to be involved in meaningful work. In such cases, people are driven by genuine passion and joy for what they are doing. They may feel happier in the office than at home. This is a struggle many working parents may even identify with, where family life may not always be relaxing. Office life can be the “break” or “chill” time.
There is a healthy sense of personal pride that comes in producing a high standard of work. And not all of us are wired to be homebodies or stay home parents. However, there is also a danger for these self-confessed workaholics, their genuine enjoyment may block them from realising that they are being overstretched or overworked. We all need to have balance, if not risk burnout.
Overworking (in a virtual/hybrid world)
In the technological world, we are enabled to work virtually 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if we choose. And this can lead to many working overtime - officially and unofficially. Neglecting time with loved ones, postponing leave, vacation or even working when sick.
(Pic credit: Channelnewsasia)
If the healthy desire for excellence is replaced with an unhealthy drive for perfectionism - emotional, mental and even physical exhaustion will set in. It is the people who can strike the balance, when to say yes and when to say no, to switch on and off at the right times, and honouring their own needs that will achieve their end goals.
The Need for Stronger Boundaries in the Endemic Working World
In 2020, Covid-19 hit, threatening to change the way we work. Notwithstanding the more pertinent health effects and worries, one interesting outcome was the workplace shifting dynamics. Work-from-home, hybrid work arrangements and online meetings became, for most part, the default way to work.
While there are many positive effects of flexible work arrangements, many are in fact working longer hours, and thus the need for boundaries is becoming increasingly important without a specific ‘off’ time or demarcated space - office versus home.?
In an article by Derek Thompson, he shares that…?
“Microsoft has also found that the pandemic has simply led to more overall work. According to company research, the average workday has expanded by 13 percent—about an hour—since March 2020, and average after-hours work has increased by twice as much.”
As a result, burnout may ensue (read my other article on burnout here)
So even though we may feel the need to work more, want to work, and even find it enjoyable - there is an important and pressing need to set a boundary to switch “off”, and to know how to push back when necessary. This is playing the long game - professionally and in our life.?
Steps To Establishing Your Own Boundaries?
Define your own boundaries clearly
Begin with getting clear on what your own boundaries are.?For example:
Part of defining includes deciding if there are exceptions and in what case would those exceptions apply.?
If this process makes you feel lost, start by becoming more aware of those people and situations that cause you stress and anxiety and record them down. You can also include when exceptions apply. If you notice yourself feeling angry, or even guilty, that’s a sign that you may be overstretched and need to reset a boundary or communicate it more clearly.
Of course, there are times and situations that being stretched is an area of growth and learning - which you can embrace and push through. The important distinction in this process comes from being aware of what is happening and not being in a state of constant reaction to everyone and everything around you.?
Communicate clearly and respectfully
After becoming aware of what your boundaries are, its important to communicate it to the people you work with.
Remember to keep it brief and simple. State your boundary with a clear explanation if necessary - this will suffice. Do not overshare, over-explain or get overly emotional.?A positive example would be, “I will not be responsive via to calls or text messages during my vacation, if need be, do drop me an email.”
On the flip side, negative example could be - “I need you to take charge of this because I have been neglecting my family, my children are sick and you routinely keep throwing your work to me. It’s your turn - if not I will breakdown.”
If you find you feel frustrated when sharing your boundaries it could be that you just need more practice clearly communicating what you need and desire.This can be especially pertinent for those who have a habit of people-pleasing or a persistent ‘yes’. If that is you, try these 2 tips:
Stick to it and prepare for boundary breakers?
Do not be shocked when your boundary is tested - that is why there is the need for a boundary in the first place. Once your boundary has been violated, address it immediately. Once again, respect, clarity and simplicity is key. When dealing with a superior, it is important to be tactful as well.?
Note that:
“Once you start establishing healthy boundaries, you can expect others to react negatively. This is a sign that the boundary is necessary and that it's working effectively. It's also helpful to visualize your boundaries getting crossed and imagine how you'll address those situations. That way, when a moment like that arises, you’ll be able to handle it rationally versus emotionally.”
- Caroline Castrillon
In the case where you find your boundaries consistently being violated, you may need to reassess your place in this company, or consider speaking to the Human Resource department in confidence.?
Conclusion
Boundaries are not set in stone, they can be redefined, adjusted and developed as you change, evolve and develop in your capacity and capabilities. Think of them like guard posts that can be re-evaluated and shifted as your goals and place in your company shifts.?
Workplace boundaries help to create a safe, supportive, and conducive working environment for everyone. They are necessary limits you create to protect over-commitment and ensure you can thrive and grow.?
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Disclaimer:
I share authentically what I think possible solutions might be, but it is purely from what I have studied (scientific evidence) and my own experience in coaching & training others in this area for the past 11 years. I am not here to diagnose or treat. If you need further help, please do seek the necessary support.
References:
Head of Client Leadership ?? Passionate about mental health and personal growth
2 年Thanks for sharing this. Agree that boundaries are important and that we need to develop the assertiveness to articulate and stand by our boundaries. I too was victim to this and thought that overstretching myself was a sign of my commitment to the company... only to be told by my boss that he felt I had lacked the assertiveness wrt my boundaries. That taught me a massive lesson