Why Black Women Need to Prioritize Themselves: Reclaiming Selfishness as a Form of Empowerment

As Black women, the message of selflessness runs deep in our upbringing and cultural narratives. We’re taught, no, it is often demanded that we must put others before ourselves, or be made to pay consequences. This is how it has always been. But given what just happened in the 2024 presidential election, that simply must change. At this point in the game, it’s giving me first, me second, and me in any other spot on down the list.?

On an international stage it has been proven how little regard there is for Black women. And I posit that given what just transpired yesterday, we must take care of ourselves first, as it has been made crystal clear that allies are few, yet the stakes have never been higher for our survival and any hopes we have in reaching the ultimate pinnacles of success.?

Since childhood, we are often told to share, to support others, and to be happy and generous caretakers — not only for our families but for our communities and for other communities at large. The 2024 election season intensified these expectations, amplifying the pressures and demands placed on Black women to once again “save the day.” Of course, we ultimately saw clearly it wasn’t up to us. But in a society where systemic challenges seem unyielding and the pressures remain high, it’s critical now, more than ever, for Black women to reclaim a different narrative: one that champions healthy selfishness. Here’s why embracing this approach is transformative, not only for us but for everyone around us.

Why “Selfishness” Is Essential to Thriving, Not Just Surviving

The notion of selfishness often carries a negative stigma for Black women. But let’s look at it in a different way. What if being “selfish” simply means putting ourselves on equal footing with the rest of the world? After all, prioritizing our needs, boundaries, and goals enables us to be the strong, thriving individuals who others can look up to — not just rely on. Further, despite what some would have us think, when Black women prioritize ourselves, it doesn’t mean neglecting those we care for. Instead, it means recognizing that our well-being is fundamental to the contributions we make to ourselves, to each other, and to the world.

Consider the historical implications of selflessness for Black women. The societal pressures that urge Black women to be caretakers have extremely deep, long roots. They stem from a long-standing expectation that our main purpose is to be made use of. To perform emotional and physical labor for others. This unspoken duty is exacerbated by stereotypes of the “strong Black woman,” which is both an empowering and limiting concept. It often means that in pursuit of this endless litany of selfless acts, we are expected to endure — at the expense of our mental and physical health. Worse, it denies Black women the space we need and deserve to prioritize our personal fulfillment, health, and ambitions.

Why the 2024 Election Calls for Radical Self-Care

The votes have now been tallied. But think about it. As the 2024 election cycle progressed, Black women once again found themselves at the center of the conversation. Political campaigns, social justice movements, and community groups looked to us for leadership, inspiration, and mobilization. While engaging in these critical issues can be empowering, it’s always important, I would even say essential, to ask, “At what cost to us?” Despite what others’ behavior toward us might have you think, our physical, emotional, and mental resources are finite. Giving them away too freely can be detrimental if we don’t take the time to thoroughly and completely replenish our reserves.

The 2024 presidential election is not the first, nor will it likely be the last, time we find ourselves front and center. Black women have a long history of leading and pushing for change — often when no one else will. However, continuously giving without boundaries is unsustainable and undermines our potential for long-term impact. Prioritizing self-preservation in the wake of the election means approaching political and social advocacy on our own terms.

Embracing Positive Selfishness: Practical Steps for Black Women

Some might consider the very notion of reframing selfishness as a strength rather than a flaw as a revolutionary step for Black women. Whether it is or isn’t, here are some ways we can begin to do this reframing and executing without guilt:

1. Define our personal values and goals. Think about it. As a Black woman, do you actually know what you want? Too many Black women don’t because we’ve been too busy helping others to even tune in to our own needs and desires. On top of that, many of us are also stuck in the cycle of struggle, trying to keep our heads above water while still pouring from near empty cups.?

• Why it’s essential: To stand confidently in your decisions — like the decision to put yourself first — start by clarifying what matters most to you. Ask yourself: What do I value? What are my life goals, and how do they align with my well-being? What steps will I need to take to reach these goals? What, or who, might have to be sidelined or even eliminated in pursuit of these goals?
• How to do it: Take time to reflect and write down your values and goals. Consider in clear detail various aspects like family, career, community, health, and personal development. This exercise will help you to identify a direction and make decisions that honor your true self.

2. Establish and enforce boundaries. Without boundaries Black women are at the mercy of almost everyone who is looking to make use of us, and take without even a thought of giving because “you’re tough. You can take it/do it.”

• Why it’s essential: Boundaries are crucial for Black women to protect our time, energy, and emotional well-being. They also teach others to respect us, thereby reducing burnout and resentment.
• How to do it: Be intentional about saying “no” when necessary. This might mean declining extra responsibilities at work or setting limits on how much emotional support we offer to others. We have to get used to communicating our boundaries clearly and confidently, without hesitation and without backing down.

3. Reframe guilt as gratitude. Society has a tendency to promote the former, and minimize the latter, and it is a huge mistake for us to adopt the same attitude.?

• Why it’s essential: Social conditioning around selfishness often leads to guilt, especially for Black women. But when we prioritize ourselves, we give others the gift of a healthier, more balanced version of us.
• How to do it: Black women have to shift our mindset from feeling guilty to feeling grateful. Every time we choose self-care, we should acknowledge and anticipate the positive ripple effect it will have on our relationships and contributions at all levels. With that in mind, to deny ourselves care becomes unthinkably silly...

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