Why Black Women Need a Good Kiki

??Welcome back! Happy Dreaming + Doing Sunday. A lot is happening in the world and in the recent news, so we hope you’re finding time to restore as best you can.

ICYMI: I'm officially a published author! My new book, "Dreaming on Purpose ", will be released on August 20th.

Now, on to today's sermon.

There is nothing like the sound of tear-filled laughter erupting when that good gossip hits precisely right. Ah, the power of the kiki. To have a kiki is a term that first started during ballroom culture and was popularized in Black queer communities. It means to gather for the sole purpose of chit-chatting and gossiping. And boy, do we love a good kiki. Being in spaces vibing with girlfriends who get you is soothing to the soul. Thinking back, I can still remember the laughter of my mom and aunties filling the air as they told stories, reminisced, and gossiped over the latest scandal. As an adult, I can see how important it was for them to connect over a good laugh. In many ways, kikis can heal our pain and bring us closer together.?

It’s the laughter for me.

According to The American Association for Therapeutic Humor, a good laugh is one thing we do not often have enough of in a day. Oftentimes, as Black women, we spend most of our days just trying to get by without being subject to a racist comment or mistreated at work. We are so busy armoring up that we rarely get to laugh and be free. But there is a healing power to laughter. Studies have found that adults find happiness to be related to humor. It has also been linked to creativity, productivity, and recovery from burnout and depression.?The laughter that comes from a good kiki literally has the power to heal you.

Joy heals.

Black women continue to have disproportionate levels of stress in the workplace as opposed to other groups. Even though Black does not crack, studies show that Black women are 7.5 years biologically 'older' than white women, and 27% of this difference is due to perceived stress. Too much time away from joy is killing us. Joy is a powerful emotion that, if harnessed, can be an amazing source of healing energy to lower stress caused by burnout. Bringing more joy into your life is a deeply personal process and will be unique to everyone. Whether helping others, feeling deep spiritual connection, traveling, being in nature, or making discoveries, as Black women, we must discover what brings us joy and be unapologetic about centering it. Our lives depend on it.?

Thriving in Community.

Kiki’s give us the community we need to be seen and understood as Black women. Often, frustration and doubt can feel isolated when going through career uncertainty. Being around others who are like-minded, supportive, and accept you for who you are is a necessary ingredient of self-care and cultivating a sense of belonging. Companies try to achieve this through Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) designed for people with common interests. In my experience, many of these groups fail to cultivate real community and inclusivity because they do not promote a culture of safety. This makes it incredibly difficult for its members to share openly without fearing the consequences. Particularly for Black women, we must build our communities away from environments that have not yet earned our trust. This is how we cultivate safety, belonging, and protection.

Finding ways to center our needs and heal from toxic corporate spaces will require us to ensure we are receiving joy, laughter, protection, and humor regularly. How about you? Where do you find community? Do you feel safe to have a kiki with other Black women at work? How do you bring joy and laughter to work? Let us know in the comments!?

Purpose to Practice:

1. Make connecting with friends or colleagues who uplift you a regular practice. Whether it’s scheduling weekly kikis, coffee breaks, or virtual hangouts, prioritize and cherish these gatherings.
2. Reflect on moments when laughter brought you joy and relief. How can you bring humor to otherwise stressful moments at work? Make laughter part of your daily routine by binge-watching old episodes of Martin Lawrence or Living Single (my favorite was always Maxine Shaw!).
3. Seek out or initiate your own groups outside of work where you can feel safe and valued. Create a WhatsApp group with your trusted friends and mentors or organize quarterly meetups with like-minded peers. Community is where we thrive most.

Dreaming on Purpose will hit shelves on August 20th, 2024. Pre-order your copy today!

Dreaming on Purpose is a companion for millennial Black professional women on the path of self-discovery and redefining their next career chapter. This book explores our careers as a vessel for legacy, liberation, and healing, blending social justice and spiritual wellness to help reclaim our dreams.

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