Why Being Yourself Can Bring Joy to Dark Places

by Mary Lynn Skruck PharmD, BCPS

Being a Fit Pharmacist to me is not just the amount of weight you lift at the gym or the knot you put yourself in at hot yoga, but the spirit in which you do it in. 

But first…fitness! Fitness was something that really became important for me when I started college. I had no idea what I was doing at first, so I tried a few group classes like Zumba, boot camp, and yoga. It was fun and gave me an outlet for the mounting stress and anxiety I had of getting into pharmacy school.

While in pharmacy school I got into weight lifting.

There was something so satisfying about walking up to the squat rack or bench press and knowing I was ready to hit that PR. I gained so much confidence in myself and the scale did not matter anymore.

Weight lifting is my constant staple, but I try all sorts of fitness adventures regularly like spin class, hot yoga, cross fit, etc. I tend to drag people into my fitness adventures as well. My current favorite is hot yoga. I am completely obsessed with the peace and grounding it brings me. Plus, for the first time in my life can finally touch my toes and do a side crow pose!

I have always had pretty serious anxiety that in the past that used to hinder me from certain things like social situations, risks, or anything that would require a big leap of faith.

In school when I learned that pharmacists were involved in emergencies and things of the like in the hospital setting, I was NOT about that life at all. A tense situation that means life or death? HECK NO! I knew I was smart, but had zero confidence in myself.

I made a promise to myself one New Years that I would not let my anxiety hold me back anymore.

Well…. P4 year I decided to face my fears and apply for a residency. I got it! My first day on my emergency room rotation as a resident I made sure that I had the workout of my life that morning to burn off my jitters of my greatest fear: EMERGENCIES.

Fast forward again to present day, my specialty is now critical care/ emergency medicine and I am always the first one to show up to an emergency ready to go, and calm as can be. I 100% contribute the facing of my fears to the confidence fitness gave me. 

The point of my story……

I was asked once at work how I manage my positive attitude and energy despite the chaos around. My quick response was...

“Hope, fitness, and coffee!”

Thinking back to that response (that was honestly the first thing that flew out of my mouth on a whim while running to a code blue), it is a very accurate representation of how I try to live my life on the daily. 

What does that mean to me? It means I consume copious amounts of hot bean juice (sometimes fancy iced overpriced bean juice) and hope that I can react to whatever happens to me each day in a way that benefits me and others in the long run.

Energy is contagious. We all have been in a room with someone in a foul mood that sucks the life out of everyone else. I try and be that ray of sunshine that gives everyone a boost.  What is meant to be will be. Whatever is happening is how things are supposed to play out. How I react to the present situation or the day at the end is what really matters.

You can help influence it while it is in progress, but cannot change it once it is done.

How I react to the current reality is my choice. I can choose to find the silver lining in a bad day and learn from it, or sulk in the defeat of what happened. I can also rejoice in a good day and celebrate the success, or bring myself down and nit-pick at the details that stopped it from being perfect.

In the end, my attitude about any situation is what makes or breaks it. Do I always succeed in my mission? No, I am human, but I try my best each day to get a little better. 

A story from Christmas last year to prove my point: 

I worked Christmas last year as my required holiday and from the minute I clocked in, the day was an absolute nightmare. I responded to multiple code blue emergencies that day and verified multiple comfort care orders; long story short, there was a lot of stress, death, and sadness on a day that was supposed to be merry and bright.

Me being my usual “Mary and bright” self wore a funky Christmas outfit to spread the cheer of the day and to give people a laugh. As the day drag on I actually felt really guilty for wearing the outfit. People were crying all day and here I am showing up to a tense and delicate emergency looking like the village idiot. 

I was just about to go change into surgical scrubs, when I decided to deliver a STAT morphine drip to the intensive care unit myself because our technicians were really busy.

I went down and much to my horror a whole family was standing out of the room I was going to. I was so afraid they would be angry or disgusted with me looking so goofy and like a joke while were grieving…but they did not. They all looked at me and SMILED! One of them thanked me for having so much spirit that day, and they all agreed that when they saw me on rounds earlier that my compassionate smile, crazy sweater, and hat gave them back a little Christmas cheer. They knew their dying loved one would want them to have joy that day despite their tragedy. I was speechless, but smiled and gave them all hugs.

I had worried for nothing. I helped them cope with their grief by just being me.

I also left that day sad at what had taken place as a whole, but thankful that I had my loved ones healthy and well to celebrate. 

Use this new fresh start in 2020 to make a change you need for YOU to reach your dreams and never underestimate the power of a positive spirit and what you are capable of—you may help others along the way too. 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year, FitPharmFam!

About the Author:

Hi! I am Mary Lynn Skruck and I am from Fort Myers, FL. I graduated from Palm Beach Atlantic’s Gregory School of Pharmacy in 2017 and completed a PGY-1 Residency with Lee Health in Fort Myers, Fl and work there still as a critical care/emergency medicine pharmacist.  I teach pharmacology in the Nova Southeastern satellite campus in Fort Myers, FL in their Physician’s Assistant program and became board certified in 2018. I #pharmsohard I'm proud to be a Fit Pharmacist!

Connect with me via:

Instagram: @daydreamer077

Email: [email protected]

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/marylynn.skruck

If you're in healthcare, you can most likely relate to Mary Lynn:

"...I consume copious amounts of hot bean juice (sometimes fancy iced overpriced bean juice) and hope that I can react to whatever happens to me each day in a way that benefits me and others in the long run."

If you want to take your level of #nerdswag up a notch- or send the PERFECT gift you missed out on this season- I've got you covered with this glass beaker coffee mug:

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