Why being Vulnerable is Strength

The concept of Vulnerability: an oddly discomfiting word for many - but why?

Our current circumstances are making people feel very vulnerable at the moment; change and risk require it. Organisations are transforming to handle covid, develop better agility, deal with Brexit, and navigate a totally new business landscape; people are trying to adapt to the same, as well as struggling with lockdown, personal losses, burnout, and much more. But the lessons from feeling vulnerable can be used in a positive way - I've learned it can, in fact, be a huge strength.

I have learned to both be more vulnerable in a psychologically safe manner, and talk more about being vulnerable; the more I do, the more I realise the discomfort stems from conditioning - both in culture and society, and within business itself. When I approach people as I really am and show them the authentic me, it's truth; it's saying, here is why you can trust me enough to open communication. But it's also a chance for me to gauge how I can trust them, too. It's the beginning of a real working and/or personal relationship.

It also tells people that they are not an island alone; that we all struggle, each in our own way, as we all have our own successes. Very often we only hear about and celebrate the successes, but that becomes quite toxic long term because it creates ideal expectations which put us under immense pressure (I speak about toxic positivity here and here).

For a long time, we've been taught that we should protect ourselves, which is true, and have a separate professional life, which has some merits, but also that weakness is to be exploited. This has grown into the equivalence that being seen as vulnerable is a weakness. This is the concept I would like to challenge, both from an agility and a personal perspective, and here's why...

Vulnerability is not a weakness. It's a vital part of the journey of being human.

We all have days where we are dealing with things; we accept that it may be ok not to be ok. But it's a lot more than that. Here are a few other things it means to me:

• Vulnerability is outside our comfort zone, and we should not be vulnerable all the time. We need recharge and recovery.
• Vulnerability is being able to be a little more open, not about being totally open, and it's best two-way.
• Vulnerability is about the beginnings of trust, because it's about truth.
• Vulnerability is authenticism.
• Vulnerability is empathic and a large part of EQ.
• Vulnerability is a probe of intent.
• Vulnerability is a foundational point for relationships.
• Vulnerability shares our experiences, and promotes a supportive, collaborative movement when people realise this.
• Vulnerability can be safe, but it requires some courage, too.
• Vulnerability keeps me humble. I accept that I'm imperfect, that I don't have all the answers, that I'm forever a student... and by and large people accept and support me better over time.
• Vulnerability should never be forced.

I have learned to lead with vulnerability because leading requires example, not instruction, and as a coach people need to trust me - but I also am honest and truthful, and it's the best way to let people judge me as I am, authentically, and be encouraged to let me help them if needed. It's not always easy; I'll keep trying, though.

I am neurodiverse. I have terrible imposter syndrome, which people don't often realise (I've learned to hide it well). I don't have all the answers. I am good at what I do, but sometimes I'm still uncertain and unsure, and I am more than what I do.

 I'm like you. There's no shame in these things; what there is is shared humanity.

Perhaps try to safely be a little more vulnerable; talk a little more, outside meetings. Reach out to other people and teams asynchronously, informally. Establish honesty and trust (I talk about what is required for sustainable relationships here). If you're a Leader, VP, Exec, whatever - remember, you're human too. And above all, remember that vulnerability is a measure of trust, and it is analogue: it takes time to have effects, but it's part of learning to learn, collaborate and grow deeply and sustainably, and the effects are profound and ongoing.

How are you vulnerable? How do you deal with feeling vulnerable?