Why Being Vulnerable Makes You a Stronger Leader

Welcome to Leading Disruption, a weekly letter about disruptive leadership in a transforming world. Every week we’ll discover how the best leaders set strategy, build culture, and manage uncertainty all in service of driving disruptive, transformative growth.

Imagine an organization devoid of vulnerability.

Everyone is 100% sure of themselves. Walking around the halls, you hear: “I’ve got this. I know the answer. There’s no doubt in my mind.”

No one admits uncertainty. No one speaks up when something’s wrong. No one shows any “weakness.”?

That would be pretty disastrous, right?

And yet so many organizations suffer from a lack of vulnerability!?

On Tuesday’s livestream, I shared why it’s critical for disruptive leaders to be vulnerable — especially if they want to create change — even if it feels counterintuitive. The first thing you have to understand is:

Vulnerability is a benefit – not a detriment

This goes against everything you’ve been told, right??

As leaders, we think, “I have to be strong. People expect me to be clear and never express uncertainty or doubt.”?

The reality is that we aren’t strong all of the time. We’re naturally vulnerable, we’re not perfect, we’re not infallible –?and everyday we’re on a path of growth.

Accepting this deep truth can be incredibly beneficial because:

1. You create deeper relationships. To build trust and establish stronger relationships, you have to be authentic. Let people see and understand the real you, especially the you that experiences doubt and uncertainty. When we accept our strengths and weaknesses and encourage others to do the same, we create an environment that fuels learning and growth.?
2. It increases your comfort with the uncomfortable. When we take on a risky project or strategy, we might think, “I don’t know what I’m doing here.” But if you’re accustomed to vulnerability and familiar with that uncertain feeling, you’re better equipped to say, “I’m unsure about this, but I’m open to whatever the outcome is.” Vulnerability gives us the courage to sit in an uncomfortable space.
3. It encourages growth – individually and organizationally. How comfortable are your employees being honest? Do they have the psychological safety to openly discuss issues and offer constructive feedback? When you encourage vulnerability, you can have meaningful conversations without the fear of being shamed, ostracized, criticized, and judged. Putting aside those fears and limiting beliefs will help you grow as a team and as an organization.

Convinced that vulnerability is an asset? Now, let’s:

Practice being vulnerable

Make no mistake: Being vulnerable is difficult. It can bring up uncomfortable memories from our childhood, when we first learned to protect our vulnerable selves from adversity.

But if you want to be a successful leader, you have to get vulnerable. You have to allow yourself to be seen, even when you can’t control the outcome. When you let go of the need to be “right” or “perfect,” that’s when the real possibilities for disruptive change take shape.

So how can you flex your vulnerability muscles? Here are three things to try:

1. Conduct a self-assessment. Reflect on the past week, month, or year. Ask yourself: Were there any times I stopped myself from truly expressing my thoughts and feelings? What could I have done differently? What could I have said differently? How could I have shown up differently? Use those insights to guide you in the future.
2. Look for small opportunities. You might not feel ready to share in a big way just yet. Instead, look for small ways you can practice vulnerability. Maybe it’s talking with a trusted friend or coworker before you speak with your boss. Maybe it’s finding an accountability partner who’s also working on vulnerability. Lean on a support system to start building your vulnerability muscle until you feel ready to address larger issues more broadly.
3. Practice mindfulness. The ability to focus on what’s going on in the present moment rather than disengaging or getting distracted can be a powerful ally – whether you journal, meditate, breathe deeply, or set a reminder on your phone. When you’re more present and aware, it’s much easier to tap into your emotions and thoughts when you find yourself in a situation that demands vulnerability.

Once you get more comfortable being vulnerable, it’s time to:

Model vulnerability

The best way to increase vulnerability within your organization is to model it, especially if you’re higher up in the hierarchy.?

However, most leaders think, “If I even hint that I have doubts and I’m not 100% certain, I’m weak. I need to put up these barriers and stay strong to maintain my position.”

I’ve found there’s a direct correlation between someone’s rank and their unwillingness to be vulnerable – they got where they are because they demonstrated tremendous strength, after all.

But here’s why you need to shift that thinking:

Let’s say someone comes to you and says, “I have this situation, and I’m feeling really overwhelmed. Have you ever experienced this? Can you help me with this?”?

Of course you have! Your first step is to thank them for sharing and opening up. Then, tell them about a time you went through a similar experience.?

Your empathetic response signals to your employee that it’s okay to open up. And, when you see how sharing authentically has a positive impact, you’ll start to encourage everyone around you to share more openly. Being vulnerable enables disruptive change and growth because it allows us to openly admit and share that we don’t have all of the answers

Yes, this is difficult work and we leaders need to continually push ourselves to the edges of what’s comfortable and familiar. As you practice vulnerability and create more openness in your organization, think about it as stretching yourself out of your comfort zone – without stressing yourself.

Speaking of vulnerability, I’m opening up in Disruption Dispatch next week about a leadership challenge I’m dealing with. If you’re not subscribed to the Dispatch, join here!

Next week’s livestream will be on Wednesday at 10 am PT / 1 pm ET. I’ll be talking about two unsung heroes of disruption and sharing why it’s so important to respect, recognize, and acknowledge them. I hope to see you on Wednesday!

Your Turn

We had so many wonderful comments during the livestream, I’d love to hear more of your thoughts on vulnerability. Please share a time that you showed vulnerability – what did you do? What were some of the benefits? What reactions did you get? How are you pushing yourself to be more vulnerable? I share an example from my own experience in the comments. I can’t wait to hear what’s working for you and what’s not!