Why being a topper is harmful in the medium to long run, and what alternates exist? - PART-1
Kartic Vaidyanathan
Founder @ LetUsPlayToLearn | Social Networking, Coaching & Mentoring | Guest Faculty, IIT Madras, PPD
Before we start a few points to note:
1) This post is from a deep sense of personal pain I have experienced for a large part of my life and have been trying to cure myself. All I can say is that while I might not have evolved fully, I am certainly a lot more improved than what I was in the past years.
2) People/Comments/Perspectives pointed out might look contrarian to what the world majority view is and that's perfectly fine but I feel its important to make a point, not because I am saying it, but also in some form validated by a few other established authorities....
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I have been a topper life long (from academics perspective). By topper, I mean not necessarily the "1st ranker" , but in the top 5% (enough to be in the limelight) in school, UG and PG.
And an average student/parent looking at my profile would say "WOW" "INCREDIBLE" since even though it does not reveal marks, it shows that I did my UG from IIT Madras and PG from IIM Bangalore.
I have had a fairly good career having worked in top corporates in the IT Services/Products industry. And yet why am I saying this?
Simply because starting my early 20s until my late 30s, I struggled a lot.
Struggled because of several aspects, self-imposed because I was extremely poor at facing criticism and rejections. The moment I faced one, using the over bloated ego, will try to counter it, or blame the other party or blame myself (how can I go wrong). Everything, but take responsibility and understand what is happening.
Life seemed a lot difficult at every stage - "Why is it happening to me constantly".
Thankfully with Gods grace and kindness, got some massive blows (as they say, when the swelling is big, it needs to be surgically treated) - The over bloated ego's cure is also done by God and Life this way until it surrenders.
And then I learnt several lessons in life, some through mentors, some through life experiences, some through friends, some through Gods grace (divine flashes/self-reflections) and it feels a lot lighter now.
It took 2 decades for me to start enjoying life with all its failures/setbacks/rejections etc. etc. and realized that these are the speed breakers that strengthen inner EQ shock-absorption system to make the vehicle navigate smoothly.
Ever since I have started realizing even some of these, life is a lot lighter and joyous. And would like that to be for all the youngsters, children and adults who are caught in the rat race.
Hence the courses that I teach at IITM are not engineering/science/technology but 1) LifeSkills 2) Habits, Happiness and Success 3) Play To Learn
And I have been doing that for last 5 years and there is enough evidence that our marks crazy society has gone worse and hence the need for this blog.
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OK Kartic - Stop here.. I am hearing a flurry of questions - You cannot extrapolate your story to the world and make a generic thesis, have you not enjoyed all the success and hard work you have put in. Do you know many others who aspire to be like you but struggle.....
Hang on Hang on - I will stop talking about my experiences. But will choose to quote the greats now...
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1) Steve Jobs once said, "The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life"
领英推荐
(Speech titled "Stay Hungry Stay Foolish")
2) PM Modi's "Mann Ki Baat on Exams" - This speech I listened live on 29th Jan 2017 is fresh in my mind and has been life-changing. Ever since then Hon PM has been conducting Pariksha Pey Charcha" - EVERY SINGLE YEAR to give parents/children perspective on Exams and Life - His book "Exam Warriors" is GOLD and I have personally gifted more than 150 parents/children. It will change the way you look at exams.
Here is the full post
3) 2 articles from interviews with Prof Kamakoti, Director IIT Madras
A) Life extends beyond academics - https://www.iitm.ac.in/happenings/press-releases-and-coverages/achievement-not-linked-marks-iit-madras-director-v-kamakoti
B) If you love your kids, set them free.
"Kamakoti's advice is a gem: The kick of getting a top rank lasts for a day, and it means nothing. Forget all those stories about freshers getting multi-crore-rupee offers, what matters is how much your employer values you after six months and how much you enjoy the job. A rank is just an integer."
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This disease for topping and being the best goes much beyond studies. Its there in sports, arts, and everything else. Anything we do for ego sake, it makes you miserable.
Here are some advice from sports coaches/sportspersons
4) Federer - "Its just a point. We need to move on" - Brilliant short 2 min share https://www.dhirubhai.net/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7256218471653351424/
5) Retired Head Coach of UCLA Gymnastics Team with 29 years experience - Winner of several sports awards - Amazing 3 minute video share on "We need to redefine success"
6) Many many companies start with a good purpose, lose their way when they chase revenues/profits trying to be market leader, #1 position and lose their culture - Plenty of evidences
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Can keep on adding.. But if you have taken time to go through these articles/videos, it would have taken about 10-15 min and hopefully these are world class people sharing same advice........
Would like to hear your views on this, while I continue this in the next part of my blogpost
<To be continued>
Chief Copywriting Officer & CEO of CaringMessenger Copywriting/Christ-Centered/Upside-Down Eternal Lens Leadership| Foodie for Fun #YDHTCIA (you don't have to carry it all)
1 个月You said it all- but by God’s grace???? If we think we are wise in of ourself, we are worse off than the fool. Thanks for sharing your perspective, Kartic.
Mom | AI this, AI that | Created Test Case Generator using OpenAI - 80% Accuracy and 50% time efficiency | Entwinning AI and Automation at FEFundinfo | ISTQB AI Testing Certified |
1 个月What an wonderful article Kartic Vaidyanathan . I am one of those 5% as you in the places I studied and I did go through the ego phase when getting criticisms. And I personally had taken this in many of the places in life and it affected my peace. Now I am over it. Life is more than that. It's there to listen to people and take actions based on it. Not to win every battle????. When the school topper or college topper comes up, I don't shush it now. But, I introspect, speak to mentors and my well wishers. If I am my topper wala is right and doesn't ruin the peace, I will proceed. Else, refrain myself from taking action on it. After all life is all about people.
Learn, Unlearn, Repeat
1 个月Been a topper throughout. It's got more minus points. Thankfully God also blessed me with good people who took care of my head when I fell from that topper rung. It's been hard to get stable in the head but no regrets because I wouldn't have learnt many things if I had still been on number 1
Artist, Mathematics Teacher, Environmentalist. Let's do What we can to create a better world for the future generations ??
1 个月Perfectly written. In our greed to achieve perfection, people tend to miss out the small things in life. It is better to be an all rounder and have lot of friends than to aim high scores and be alone
Nice compilation Kartic Vaidyanathan. I pretty much agree (both from my own experience as well as that of people I have coached). Also agree with the perspective on redefining success on our own terms. In fact I have an entire chapter (Ch 3) dedicated on how to do that in my book on career crafting, which I am sharing here for anyone who wishes to do for themselves - - https://amzn.to/4dUfBtV?