Why being real can get you fired, yet it’s worth it

In this edition, we’re unpacking why being yourself at work is the smart play, but it comes with risk.

Being fake is exhausting

I had a mild panic attack when Authentic Leadership started surfacing as a concept. All these statements about “just be yourself, be vulnerable, lead with purpose” were freaking me out because I have a minor character flaw: I’m a prick.

But I wondered maybe I could be a reformed prick.

So I looked around for Authentic Leaders I could learn form, yet the pickings were mighty slim.

I asked myself ‘Why is this authentic style of leadership so bloody rare?’. I see a whole lot of leaders wearing masks, carefully curating a facade rather than showing up as who they really are.

But that just sounds exhausting.

Staff also see through this BS, and it breeds the kind of toxic culture most of us are trying to escape.

Then I met Nigel Grange, the CIO, and thought, Yep, that’s the kind of fearless leader I want to be when I grow up. The guy never traded in his values, even when the heat was on. He knew his people, inspired them, and didn’t pretend to have all the answers. But man, could he ask the kind of brutally hard questions that made us sweat—and solve them with him. Honestly, that’s probably why we became friends. It’s hard not to like Nigel when he’s the real deal.

So what follows are my lessons on why being the real you just makes sense.

What makes us real?

Just as I typed “what makes us real,” I realised… wow, that’s a dumb question to ask. But hey, why stop now.

In fact ever since that Greek fella Socrates started asking questions that made people’s heads explode, we’ve been wrestling with the whole “stay true to yourself” thing.

Fast forward past the Enron disaster, and Bill George pops up with a bestseller, slaps a label on it, and suddenly “authentic leadership” is a thing.

Here’s my take on Bill George’s scribblings about Authentic Leadership:

1. Purpose-driven: you have have a clear sense of purpose that lights your fire. It gives you a direction that both motivates you and inspires others.
2. Unshakeable Values: Your values are a rock solid GPS for your actions. When the heat’s on, you stick to what’s right, even if it means some uncomfortable conversations.
3. Leading with heart: driven by compassion and empathy where you actually give a damn about others. Crazy right! You know your team and what’s important to them and they also know the real you.
4. Real relationships, No BS: You build the kind of relationships where people would walk through fire for you. Why? Because you’re straight up, open, and as real as it gets. Oh, and your secret weapon - you actually listen to people.
5. Calm, Cool Consistent: The kind of discipline that keeps you locked into your values, giving people a solid idea of what to expect from you. Even when everything around you is a dumpster fire, you stay laser-focused on the mission and manage the chaos with calm confidence.
6. Self-awareness: Lets be real, none of the above is possible without you knowing yourself better than Spotify knows your bad taste in music. You’re clear on your strengths, weaknesses, emotions and all the weird stuff in between. You’re not coasting either, you’re actively working on your strengths to be a kick-arse leader.

Why being real pays off

You may be thinking this sounds like fluffy crap. Me to, or at least until I gave it a shot. But some of you folks are a little less cool with ‘trust me bro’, so here’s the latest evidence.

The lowdown from Gallups 2024 State of the Workplace study:

1. Boosted Employee Engagement and Retention - people stick around, because they trust you and your straight talking and this flows onto job satisfaction and lower staff turnover.
2. Better Team Performance - you unlock greater levels innovation, collaboration and productivity in your team because of the transparent communication.
3. More real, More cash - authentic leaders drive profits. Gallup states companies with real-deal leaders that focus on developing their teams strengths rake in up to 29% more profits.
4. Culture That Doesn’t Suck by you role modelling accountability, and trusting in others this has a positive ripple effect on the orgs culture where it gels. HBR covers more on this in an interview with Bill Georges.

Is being real the silver bullet every time?

Short answer is no. In fact it can cost you your job.

You see when authentic folks rock up to organisations they can be interviewed by leaders who are either authentic or faking it with well rehearsed lines of “we’re all about building a high performing culture here. It feels like family”

Sure maybe the Manson family. Because no sooner are you in the organisation you find if authenticity is lipstick only

Then its a waiting game to see if the authentic leader gets worn down and leaves, or is rejected as “Maybe this is not the right fit for you.” In rare instances the authentic leader can win over others, but this typically requires a combination of a nuclear reactor level of energy reserves, being in a senior role that can influence change and securing a few trusted followers early on.

Seven ways to be the Real You

A few tips to be the real you.

1. Take time to get know yourself - I find this takes a combination of a) exposure to different environments b) feedback from brave folks who give a damn about me, and c) time to reflect and figure out what your values are, your hot buttons and where you feel you belong vs odd person out.
2. Be Straight up - be open about your decisions and the thinking behind them. When you have no idea, say this. When you stuff up, own it. Let your team know you’re learning too, and invite them in to solve with you on the challenge
3. Consistent Decision Making - Make decisions in line with your values, even when it’s rough. Dont bend your principles for short term gains. Staff see this stuff and boy do they talk.
4. Adapt Your Style, not your values - In different situations and audiences you will need to adapt your style to get cut through. Whats key here is not trading off your values in those moments
5. Be a Coach not a boss – Be clear on your expectations so staff aren't left guessing. Build on each indidviauls strengths so they have a shot at progressing in life. By caring about their futures they cant help but want to stick with you.
6. Own your story – Share your journey, struggles, and lessons learned with your team. No one else has one quite like yours. Its these moments your team really gets to know you and what your made of. They get to see if your being vulnerable or the armours up.
7. Work it - For you to be a better leader you’re going to need to try new stuff. At first this is going to feel fake and not the real you. That’s the paradox of authenticity. Embrace the suck.

That’s a Wrap

If you’re being authentic, you wont trade off your values. Just know however this at times can be a lonely journey. Yet the moment you find ‘your people’, it all becomes worth it.

Thanks for the love.

If this hit the mark a repost or comment would go a long way.