Why Being a People Pleaser is Making You Lose Your Zest (and How to Get It Back!)

Hey there, fabulous reader! Are you the go-to person for everyone's problems, the office superhero, and the friend who never says no? Congratulations, you’ve won the People Pleaser of the Year award! But let me ask you: when was the last time you did something just for you? If you’re scratching your head trying to remember, it’s time for a wake-up call!

“Trying to please everyone is a recipe for stress, misery, and frustration. Be yourself. It’ll be good to know who’s down with that.” This quote by author and speaker Robert Glover hits the nail on the head. It's time to stop the endless cycle of saying yes when your heart screams no.

The Curse of People Pleasing

Being a people pleaser isn’t just about being nice; it’s a survival strategy that many of us adopt to avoid conflict, gain approval, and feel valued. But here’s the kicker: it’s also a one-way ticket to Stressville. Constantly bending over backwards to meet others' expectations can lead to burnout, resentment, and losing touch with your own needs and desires.

Affirmation Station: Break Free from the Please Disease

Let’s start with an affirmation to kick the people-pleasing habit to the curb: “I honor my own needs and set healthy boundaries. My self-worth is not defined by how much I do for others.” Repeat this daily, or better yet, plaster it on your bathroom mirror. Let it sink in that saying no to others can sometimes mean saying yes to yourself.

Unpacking the People-Pleasing Suitcase

So why do we fall into the people-pleasing trap? Often, it’s rooted in childhood where we learn that our value is tied to how much we can do for others or how compliant we can be. Fast forward to adulthood, and we find ourselves in jobs and relationships where we continue to play this role, often at the expense of our own health and happiness.

The Triple-A Strategy to Ditch People Pleasing

1. Awareness: The first step to change is recognizing the problem. Notice when you’re agreeing to something out of obligation rather than desire. Are you taking on extra work because you want to, or because you feel you have to? Acknowledge these moments and understand the emotions driving your behavior.
2. Assertiveness: It’s time to practice saying no. Start small with low-stakes situations. You don’t have to jump to turning down major projects or requests from close family; begin with declining things that don’t serve you or fit into your schedule. Assertiveness doesn’t mean being unkind; it’s about expressing your needs respectfully and clearly.
3. Alignment: Align your actions with your values and goals. What are you passionate about? What do you want your life to look like? When you start making decisions based on your own desires rather than others’ expectations, you’ll find more joy and less stress. This alignment helps you make choices that are authentic to you, leading to a more fulfilling life.

The Journey to Self-Rediscovery

Being a people pleaser is like being stuck in a maze where every turn is about someone else’s needs. It’s time to find your way out and rediscover what makes you happy. Whether it’s picking up a forgotten hobby, setting aside time for self-care, or simply learning to enjoy your own company, the journey to self-rediscovery is about reconnecting with your inner self and acknowledging your worth.

Ready to ditch the "Yes" fest and start living for yourself? Here’s a six-step plan to help you break free from the people-pleasing trap and reclaim your sparkle!

1. Spot the Pattern: First things first, let’s play detective in your own life. Notice when and where you tend to say yes too much—is it at work, with family, or with friends? Understanding these patterns is like finding the map out of the maze of people-pleasing.
2. Value Yourself: Remember, darling, your worth isn’t measured by how much you do for others. It's time to fall in love with yourself! Engage in activities that boost your self-esteem. Whether it’s yoga, painting, or writing, find what makes you feel valuable beyond your role as a helper.
3. Draw the Line: It’s boundary-setting time! Clearly define what you’re okay with and what you’re not. Communicate your limits with kindness and clarity—think of it as setting up the VIP ropes to your energy and time.
4. No Is Your New Yes: Start small. Turn down something minor that you would usually agree to out of politeness. This builds your ‘no’ muscle, making it easier to handle bigger asks without blinking. It’s like training for a marathon—one step at a time.
5. Assert Yourself: Assertiveness isn’t about being aggressive; it’s about being honest and respectful with your feelings. Consider workshops, books, or even a coach to help you express yourself with confidence. It’s all about finding your voice and making it heard.
6. Find Your Cheerleaders: You’re not in this alone! Connect with folks who cheer on your journey to less pleasing and more pleasing (yourself, that is). Whether it’s a support group or just a couple of understanding pals, having a support network can make all the difference.

By embracing these steps, you’re not just cutting down on stress; you’re stepping into a life that celebrates who you are, not just what you do for others. Here’s to being fabulously, unapologetically you!

Conclusion: Your Happiness is Non-Negotiable

Remember, your happiness is non-negotiable. It’s not something to be traded for others' approval or sacrificed at the altar of people-pleasing. By embracing the art of saying no and prioritizing your own needs, you can reduce stress and live a life that’s true to yourself. So, dear reader, let’s raise a glass to a future where you are the VIP in your own life , and people-pleasing is a thing of the past. Cheers to being unapologetically you!

Daniela