Why Being A 'Nice Girl' Won't Help Your Career

Welcome to the Second Edition of the Career Confidence For Women Newsletter

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In this week's newsletter you'll learn why having 'nice girl' behaviours won't help your career and how to change them, but first check out my quote of the week below...

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

“To be nobody-but-yourself?—?in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else?—?means to fight the hardest battle which any human being?can fight.”

E. E. Cummings

THIS WEEK'S TRAINING:

Why Being A 'Nice Girl' Won't Help Your Career

Were you brought up to be polite, modest, put others first and not 'blow your own trumpet'?

Me too.

This sort of early conditioning from parents, school and society can result in girls picking up messages/rules about how they should behave. Some of the beliefs my clients have identified are:

• “It’s not nice to talk yourself up; you’ll sound like a bragger.”
• “I need to listen and agree with people who have more seniority, knowledge or experience.”
• “Always help others and never say No.”
• “It’s selfish to put your needs before someone else.”

It means that girls work hard and aim for academic success, but when it comes to the workplace it can hold women back.

Having these beliefs drives behaviours such as people pleasing, not speaking up for your needs and opinions and a lack of ability to say No. You might also be intimidated by senior people and have a fear of conflict.

The problem is if you put others first, worry about upsetting people?and don’t see your value in the workplace, you are?more likely to be seen as a safe pair of hands in your current role rather than having the potential and visibility to progress as a leader.

Helen's Story:

Helen was a partner in a London law firm. She’d had a successful career so far and was looking to progress to senior partner.

She knew that her success so far had been down to hard work and excellent results. To get to the next level, she now needed to demonstrate confidence, get her voice heard and influence her seniors.

She’d had feedback that she was too?‘nice’?and needed to?‘sharpen her shoulders’.

In particular, Helen tended to allow a senior partner in her area to speak for her in meetings with valuable clients.?

Her behaviour came from the belief that she must respect her?‘elders and betters’. To make a change she had to challenge her fear of upsetting others and recognise that she had equal worth.

Through our coaching, she stepped out of her comfort zone and found her voice and power. She now has that senior partner role and no one refers to her as too nice.

How can I change these behaviours if I've had them for decades?

Take the time to reflect on the following coaching questions:

1. What messages did you pick up through your childhood that may be limiting you to just being a?‘nice girl’?
2. Think about where you picked them up?–?was that the message your parents, teacher etc. meant?
3. What would be a logical, kind and realistic message to replace it?
4. In what situations at work does this?‘nice girl’?limitation hold you back?
5. If you permitted yourself to take a step away from all the rules a?‘nice girl’?would follow, what is the first thing you’d do?

If you feel being a 'nice girl' is affecting your career then...

WATCH MY FREE TRAINING ON:

What my clients say:

My client was being pushed into a role she didn't want at a lower salary. Find out what happened next.

Jo Painter - www.careerconfidencecoachforwomen.co.uk - [email protected]