Why “Being Nice” is Failing Your Leadership (And What to Do Instead)

What happens when leaders avoid difficult conversations??

In my years of leadership development, I’ve seen it over and over, managers who hesitate to speak the truth for fear of upsetting someone.?

I lived through it too in my early career and it? was the subject in many performance reviews.?

I had potential but I was too ‘nice.’

What happens if everyone feels this way, or even some?

A workplace filled with unspoken tensions, missed growth opportunities, and resentment simmering beneath the surface.

That’s why Radical Candor, the framework developed by Kim Scott and my latest podcast guest, CEO Jason Rosoff, is so powerful.?

It’s built on a simple but challenging principle: care personally while challenging directly.

Most leaders lean toward one of these four styles:

• Radical Candor (the goal): You care deeply about your people and tell them the truth.
• Ruinous Empathy (too nice): You care but avoid tough conversations.
• Obnoxious Aggression (too blunt): You tell the truth but forget the care.
• Manipulative Insincerity (too political): You say one thing but mean another.

The biggest trap? Ruinous Empathy. It feels kind in the moment, but in reality, it holds people back from growth and erodes trust over time.

Leaders, if you want a thriving team, the key is to create a culture where truth and kindness go hand in hand. That means:

• Giving clear, constructive feedback, even when it’s uncomfortable.
• Building a workplace where people feel safe to challenge ideas.
• Shifting from “I don’t want to upset them” to “How can I support their growth?”

In my latest episode of Words That Change Lives, Jason and I dive into how leaders can master Radical Candor and build stronger teams as a result.

?? Listen here: https://podfollow.com/words-that-change-lives

Or if you prefer to watch videos, catch the YouTube vid here

https://youtu.be/cuD5TdKFoic

If this resonates with you, send me a DM, I’d love to hear your experiences with tough conversations in leadership.