Why Being a Home Birth Dad Rocks!

And why a towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have…*(more on that later…).

Here are some of my views from the trenches; after 7 homebirths, I have still emerged as an unscathed and balanced (at least, so I am told…) Dad of 7 children.

I can recommend homebirthing for a host of reasons.

I have never coached a Dad who was not filled with absolute dread by the idea; but “Hold Up!”. This is the greatest expression of love, compliment, and expression of trust that your wife or partner could give you.

Because the Doctors don’t know the mother of your child more than you, and just think about it – your lady is going through months of discomfort and life-changing bodily changes, and wants to share the amazing finale with you – only for you to say that it’s too risky? If you getting down and involved at the kick-off of your baby’s journey, why the heck wouldn’t want to be up close and personal at the finale?

Some comfort here – statistically, homebirths are more prevalent than hospital births across the world, and moreover, they are as safe, and probably safer. Your baby mama knows best!

Just use the information on Google to allay your fears right off the bat – within no time at all you’ll be converted to the idea (even if you are squeamish). Over the many years of my birthing experience, I have found that more midwives really love to involve the humble male in the process, and you and your lady should make this clear. Most agree that partner involvement is an essential element for an enjoyable homebirthing experience.

Why have a home birth?

?Well here are some of my personal reasons, and there are many more that I can go about – I would never have formed the type of bond with my wife and my young children if I hadn’t fully committed and embraced the homebirth experience.

Here are some of my views and secrets that will help you to appreciate your home birth the first time round... and everytime after!

*1. In a home birth you are both defense and running back*

Think about it – you can do the planning during the pregnancy, everything from the venue to the type of play at the birth (birthing pool, gas for pain, standing or sitting?); the equipment part is actually quite fun, especially for a geek in disguise like me. Your lady is the quarterback, and believe me, there are many variable plays on birth day, and you can treat this as a test of how versatile ad durable you really can be.

Mama will expect you to support her, encourage her, and on occasion stand up to her and tell her what to do (my wife Louise McKenzie has told me so many times during delivery that she can’t do it, and each time within minutes our babies have been fired straight into my hands)! This can be scary – there is nothing in the world stronger than a woman in labor – so be ready to get some bumps and bruises in your toughest ever workout!

Mind you, even the best laid plan for your play can go awry – labor waits for no man! With Jim Jr.’s labor, it happened so fast that Louise and I were home alone for the birth, so I delivered and caught Jim from Louise’s standing position into my bare hands right next to our bathroom without even a towel (or a pitcher’s glove) – newborns are pretty darn slippery!

So take the advice from “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” which was so right: “A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have…”

Or a dad!

*2. You'll lose your fear.

Having a baby is more frightening that anything else in the world – once that fear is conquered, you are home and dry, in facing everything else in life, believe me. Also, just think of what you have to do if you have to go to hospital – getting lost, packing the right things, car breakdown/accident, fighting hospital policy on caesarian birth if the delivery isn’t quick enough (a BIG problem), hospital food and infection risk. There’s much more if you have children already – what do you do with them at short notice? Then you can be fearful just about the things that matter - Mama and Baby!

*3. Home is where the heart is – not to mention fridge, cable, and comfortable bed

Yup – all your creature comforts on hand – both of you will be able to relax and rest more during and after labor – and in my experience, every child has been completely chilled by the time he or she have been born with their siblings all around. Best of all, no hospital food…

*4. Avoid the little things that kill…

I’m a proud, self-confessed germphobe – and I do not like hospitals one bit. Louise has an innate fear of hospitals which magnified my own neuroses! In fact, back in the UK, Louise used to be literally sick with nerves before her pre-natal appointments (by the way, in the UK midwives are based in hospitals…). Both Louise and I HATE hospitals for a million and one small and big reasons. Primarily, why take a perfectly healthy pregnant lady into an environment full of germs and sick people? And the lighting is enough to stress you out more than the birth itself…you feel like something lurking under a microscope in a petrie dish!

5. You are given the respect that a father should be given…

In hospitals you are relegated to the bench (sorry for the sports analogy again) by the medics, and your lady is put in the position of asking if you can get involved – and why would anyone want this fight during labor, the ObGyn and nurses in your face because of their fear of malpractice premiums? Midwives work with you in advance to arrange a birth plan that will put you both in your comfort zone well before the game – no breaks while the medics check their medical indemnity insurance premiums either…

That's why in a homebirth you will find it feels a lot more natural to ask more questions about what's going on, to make sure that the birth plan is stuck to and to generally be more involved and have more say over the whole thing. You are playing at home, you subconsciously fell in control of your cave and the surrounding environment - in hospital, you are the guest in hostile territory, and so you have to ask to be involved

*6. You won't have to suffer gut-wrenching separation after the birth…

The major reason that we never wanted a hospital birth is that after the birth, the hospital will usually want you to leave for the night. NO WAY! After a homebirth, the midwives leave - not you! Once the front door closes it is just you, Captain Caveman, home alone with your loved one9s) and new baby! The beginning of yet another exciting journey!

This is the way it should be. In a hospital, they rip you away from your lady and newborn – just when you are emotionally exhausted and vulnerable. When our first child was born, Louise and I had no friends or family to support us – I’m not complaining, that is just the way that it was! No one seemed to able to cope with our happiness at being together! Louise and I spent every day together from the time we met (to this day, during our 27 years of marriage), and at this amazing time it is wholly unnatural not to be able to bond with your child.

? THE TAKEAWAY

It is my view as a Dad (and very often in the world of birthing, the father’s view is often overlooked or even ignored) that unless there are very compelling medical, emotional or other practical reasons, if mam is okay with it you should strive to give birth at home…and remember that every time you do have a child, there is always the fear that you just might not be able to do it again – so go for it!

As a Home Birthing Dad Veteran, I can tell you that there is nothing to compare with the experience!

If you’d like to learn more about how to better participate in the birth process as a homebirthing dad let me know – I can recommend it!??

P.S. I can recommend @Sarah J Buckley and Elly Taylor as great support resources for dads in the birthing and postpartum process!

And Rodney Kellum do you remember our conversation about this all those years ago?

##????

For tips and strategies to learn how to effortlessly nurture your career, your health, your family, your fatherhood, and take care of your life and household stuff without the struggle, subscribe here and sign up at?www.highachievingdads.com/newsletter ?for more deep dive fatherhood content.

And be sure to follow @highachievingdads for more proven-to-work stress ditching tips and systems to fast-track your life-balance-fatherhood mastery.

Follow me & my hashtag #highachievingdads ?here?on LinkedIn for inspiration and original content like this post!