Why Being a “Femme Fatale” Isn’t Good for Your Personal or Professional Brand

Last week, I had a serious conversation with two-time Grammy winning country music singer-songwriter, Jennifer Nettles.

Well, I asked her a question...and she answered me. In a room full of 300 people. So...same.

Here’s how it played out: for the better half of Wednesday, June 5th, hundreds of women and tens of men gathered at SECOND Floor, a swanky event space in Midtown, Manhattan. We were there to honor the 13 women being inducted into this year’s PRWeek Hall of Femme and the 28 “Women to Watch”... no doubt, the Hall of Femmers of the future.

It was an incredible day. Empowering. Inspiring. Motivating.

And when Mrs. Nettles (who participated in a “fireside chat” with PRWeek US Managing Editor Gideon Fitzgerald), took questions from the audience, I had the honor of asking the final one. 

I thanked her for her time; explained my plans to deem “I Can Do Hard Things” as my new theme song; and then, I asked for advice.

As a musician, she has an impactful outlet to express her thoughts, feelings and position on whatever topic she chooses. I talked about how disheartening the realities of what’s happening in today’s world can be sometimes; how frustrating and angry they can make you;

how much harder, for me, life has become as I navigate my career while bearing and caring for two small children.

I wanted to know: How do we manage the struggle and the juggle and move forward in a positive way?

Here's what she said: "There is such a thing as righteous anger. So, if you want to be angry, be angry. And to those in power who feel threatened: when we assume our own power, it does not mean we diminish theirs.”

Her response began with validation and acknowledgement – versus judgement or dismissal. This was really important. We all need to do a better job of trying to understand where someone currently is, versus where we think they need to be.

Sometimes, you have to sit in the uncomfortable before pushing them to move on or more forward; or to be able to do either yourself.

I hung onto every word of the women who spoke that day; feverishly writing down advice about career and power and family and motherhood and bias; vigorously shaking my head in agreement, listening to stories of trials, tribulations and in some cases, tequila shots. I was all in.

But I was also a little conflicted.

The term “Femme Fatale” started making its way around the room. “Look at these fabulous femme fatales!” many said. And although punchy-sounding – and honestly a shirt I would likely purchase without thinking twice – the definition is problematic:

"an irresistibly attractive woman, especially one who leads men into difficult, dangerous, or disastrous situations"

Most women I know who have something to say (and who aren’t afraid to say it) are looking to make the world better. Not to chew up and spit out the men (or women, for that matter) in their paths. For us to accomplish any positive change, we have to work together.

And although we may need a revolution, what I want more than anything right now is a resolution.

So, I’d like to share a few resolutions...from the leaders, risk-takers and change makers that spoke out last week:

1. Gender Equality Isn’t a Women’s Issue

"We have to stop making family issues about women. This is a HUMAN issue. Expect men to focus on their families, too." – Bevin Maguire, VP, clients, markets and industry comms, IBM

2. It’s Time to Redefine Black, as it Pertains to Skin Color and Identity

“I’ve been called ‘motivated,’ ‘intelligent,’ ‘a leader.’ I’ve also been called ‘aggressive,’ ‘difficult,’ and ‘emotional.’ I am all of those things. And I own them. Proudly. I am the third black woman to be inducted into the PR Week Hall of Femme. I have something to say. WE have something to say. And we deserve to be heard.” – Cheryl Overton, President, Egami

3. Actions Speak Louder Than Words, Every Day of the Week

“It’s time to stop having good intentions. It’s time to start being intentional. It’s time to put ideas out into the world that reflect the diverse global market.” – Caroline Dettman, Chief Creative Officer, Golin

4. Look Deeper than What's Listed on a Resume When Hiring and Promoting

"Moms of kids with special needs – whether emotional, mental, medical or physical – have the same crisis management skills, business acumen and critical thinking prowess that we pay CEOs of large companies to have. Pay attention to these women. Because you may not be giving them the opportunity they deserve to reach their full potential...or your company's." – Tami Forman, Executive Director, Path Forward

5. Change is Hard. But it’s Worth It.

“Less than 30% of PR agencies are run by women. And as of today, I’m upping that number. As we go forward, we need to continue to create the industry that we all want to be a part of. Change is not easy. We all know it. And it will be hard. But I encourage us to seize this moment and go after what we want.” – Jen Risi, President and Founder, The Sway Effect

And here's one final resolution from me: I’m not a camper, but I know the rules. Leave the campsite in better shape than you found it. Let’s harness the power of the good in all of us to make the world a better place. Because if we don't, who will?

#women #leadership #change #brand #femme #halloffemme #pr #marketing #communications #power #bias #motherhood #hiring #promotion #recruiting