Why being authentic is so damn hard.

A lot of my 1:1 client’s have the common struggle of, inability to feel authentic.

For some, it may not be a big deal.

For others, it’s merely suffocating them to the point where every action they do is for or because of someone else.

Let’s start with; what does authentic mean:

• is the quality of being genuine or real.
• is the state of something being legitimate and true.

Why is it so hard? 

These are the 3 main reasons: 

• underlying hidden expectations that are unvoiced from others
• the social conditioning to brainwash you for autopilot operating
• insecurity that disconnection/detachment from yourself exacerbates

Communication is complex. 

I’m not going to say hard because by defining it as hard it allows a loop hole for an excuse that can/will likely prevent you from staying diligent in it. In fact, we aren’t necessarily taught how to properly talk. Even when it comes to talking to ourselves. It’s easy to let the subconscious play stories that will prevent you from forcing yourself to articulate how it is you actually feel as SELF.

• What makes you think that if this goes untrained within yourself that you’ll be able to avoid / manage it with others?

Action Step: Create agreements, Eliminate expectations

• With yourself, your family members, your colleagues, & your friends. A great way to start that is by mirroring back the words you’re hearing them say just to get clarification.

EX: So what I’m hearing you say is that you’d like me to have this project done by Friday, 1P, correct?

EX: So what I’m hearing you say is that when I don’t take out the trash it makes you feel like I don’t love, respect or appreciate you because it makes you feel dirty doing it — right?

Conditioning is bullshit. From an early age we’re taught that there is a specific flow to life.

You go to school. Get a degree. Find a partner. Secure a career. Buy a home. Create a family. Provide for that family. Retire.

This conditioning is the foundation of the third topic we will discuss, insecurity and disconnect. But before we go there, it’s really important to acknowledge where, why and how you play into this.

• Is it that you are in a soul sucking career that makes you resentful and live for the weekends?
• Are you in a relationship where you are more of a roommate where the essence of connecting &/or sex feels like a task?
• Do you have a support circle that instead of making you feel seen, heard, & understood — they gaslight and sabotage you instead?

These are all ways where conditioning has a horrific impact on our ability to show up, be true to ourselves and be able to experience.

Action step: Evaluate your reality. Go to my Youtube channel & do the wheel of life exercise -> video title “How to ensure you are living your best life”

Disconnect is dangerous.

When you are not committed to one thing, you can get lost in everything. This will create you losing sight of who you are, what you want, what you believe, how you want to show up, what you want to be about…The list goes on & on. Yet at the end of the day, it is preventable. Journaling and meditation can be two of the most helpful resources in this department for anyone really struggling with this; the reason being, journaling forces articulation once meditation has brought awareness.

• The belief: it is easier to live a life of someone I ‘think’ I should be vs who I really am does not serve you, nor anyone who loves you.

One of the most precious realities in life is that you are the only you that will ever be born. And with every choice you make, you curate being either the best version of yourself, the mediocre version of yourself or the conditioned-autopilot version of yourself. It gets to be that simple.

Action step: Get clear on WHO you are and how you feel. Guided meditations using Insight Timer are great. And for those who struggle with journaling, here is where you can get a free template.

Until next time, do YOUR work — answer these questions…

What is your single CORE value? Why is it that?

In what kind of professional role would I be most happy in? Why? What would it include?

Instead of controlling the situation, can you just figure out what it is you really want?

Are you staying to pursue love, or avoid pain? (what’s the force that’s holding you?)

How do you receive love/positive recognition?

How to you give love/positive recognition?

How do I participate in NOT getting the love that I want?

What/where do you hold shame?

Who/when can you be vulnerable?

How do you articulate and show others what you really feel? Need? Desire?

How can you enjoy the process?

Live with intention - Lead with purpose - Love deeply - Articulate often,

Alyssa